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Ten thousand years of Roboshrub.

Fangs for the memories.

In today’s state, Roboshrub Incorporated is an entity entirely devoted
to the execution of what normal people would refer to as “bad ideas.”

It was the creator’s original idea that all concepts, whether
useful or not, contribute to the global subconscious level of progress
for the human race. Therefore, we contend that no idea is an unfit
idea, and vow to act on each and every one of them.

Roboshrub Inc.
Public Communications Department

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For your insolence, I condemn you to...

Suffer the Fate of a Thousand Bees!
(Before they go extinct)

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Product #6881-95q “Solar Powered Umbrella”

When Hans Friedrich, our last Chief Product Debugger, was hauled off to the asylum after going insane from the amount of work we forced him to do (and also from the psychological trauma associated with Toxic Umbrella Shock Syndrome [TUSS]), he begged us to let Project Umbrella Corp. die. Instead, we completely ignored him and hired a new Chief Debugger. An exhaustive worldwide search uncovered the only being in the universe capable of testing such a dangerous product: my cousin, the undead one-armed robot/clown from Antarctica.

He really has a way with customers.

Only the supercharged immune system of an undead robot can survive the rigors involved with the Solar Powered Umbrella. This was discovered after the near-fatal lightning mishap last year involving Chief Debugger Friedrich. Hee hee, he thought he wouldn’t get struck by lightning! Well, he did. His whole body was scarred by the electric burns, and the bad publicity almost bankrupted us. But thanks to loyal customers who are unfazed by or unaware of our safety record, we have been able to bring Mr. Friedrich’s dream to fruition: a Solar Powered Umbrella in every house.

Our customers love us, even when we replace their hands with flamethrowers.

The Solar Powered Umbrella has a metallic shaft, composed of 35% iron, 25% manganese, 20% copper, 15% cobalt, and 5% people. The new “Mach II” design allows for complete aerodynamic grip. The webbing of the umbrella is a silk-thetic polymer approximating the atomic structure of pleather. Millions of photo-voltaic cells are sewn right into the webbing, allowing the power core to recharge continually.

It continually absorbs sunlight through its power cells.

Like many Roboshrub Inc. products, as well as your mind, the Solar Powered Umbrella will only work when open. Replacement spokes are available strictly on a need-to-know basis. Do not expose the Solar Powered Umbrella to inclement weather, as this damages the OC-1900 energy conversion capacitor. Roboshrub Inc. cannot be held liable for intense electric shocks associated with this product. The Solar Powered Umbrella is meant for entertainment purposes only. Do not ingest. Machine washable.

Processing 29×100 Robo-Comments:

Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

User stats? The counter is at the bottom of the sidebar.

2/28/2006 8:52 PM  
Blogger flatlander gesticulated...

Sometimes I swear my umbrella has a mind of its own.

3/01/2006 12:30 AM  
Anonymous flatlander's umbrella gesticulated...

Sometimes I get the eeire feeling that the head I'm sheltering might actually be sentient!

3/01/2006 12:33 AM  
Blogger Lee Ann gesticulated...

Your animation keeps getting better and better!

3/01/2006 12:46 AM  
Blogger Bathroom Hippo gesticulated...

How about a solar powered gas engine? The power of the sun ignites the gas....the gas powers the engine....meanwhile the sun stares down angrily realizing that man came so close to re-usable energy.

3/01/2006 2:01 AM  
Blogger GrasshopperBoy gesticulated...

can i join ur undead army?

3/01/2006 7:47 AM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

There is no undead army. The undead who work for Roboshrub Inc. have been carefully selected and then assigned to our Antarctican base of operations, the Zombietree Trust.

Solar powered gas engines are second in priority to the solar powered toothbrush to replace the poorly selling hydrogen toothbrush.

You know what they say about animation: it builds a nation.

Umbrellas frequently attain sentience. Some moreso than others.

My word verification thingey has the word "spy" in it! Happy!

3/01/2006 8:37 AM  
Blogger Mr. Paul Freeman, CEO gesticulated...

I too am meant for entertainment purposes only.

We should get along SMASHINGLY, this umbrella and I. SO long as it doesn't gain sentience.

That would be a deathknell to our friendship.

Unless it gained sentience along with an irrepressible urge to quaff mead. That would be okay.

3/01/2006 11:28 AM  
Blogger L>T gesticulated...

Ack! (sorry, hairball) you've trggered my 'Coulrophobia'.

I musta been retarded last nite??? Where is this 4,000 thing coming from? Don't scare me like that.

Ya know, the 'user stats' thing is totally legitimate.

How's that for sentience?

3/01/2006 12:19 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Sentience is relative. Just like selling organs over the Internet because you can. I mean, what's the point in having an apendix if you can't sell it to some guy in Norway?

Umbrellas aren't supposed to be sentient, but neither are pop starts.

3/01/2006 3:30 PM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator gesticulated...

I kid you not, one time it was so windy that when I tried to take our desk umbrella in, it almost carried my away. I'm better now.

Hey, the word verification says nxpwbr!

3/01/2006 4:05 PM  
Blogger ticharu gesticulated...

Wait just a darn minute there Mr. Gyro! I can't be using no dirty umbrella now, and if I can't machine wash the dang thing it aint gonna do me much good confined to a corner of garage where I keep all the other dirty things!

3/01/2006 4:22 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Umbrellas are sticky rivers.

3/01/2006 5:52 PM  
Blogger Mysterious Stranger gesticulated...

Will you be making an ingestible version of the umbrella in the future? I think there would be a big market for that, as I myself would be willing to buy about 5000 of them.

3/01/2006 6:27 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

We tried that in the 80s with disasterous results. Ever wonder what started the rubix cube craze?

3/01/2006 6:42 PM  
Blogger Anifanatic gesticulated...

I once had the idea for a Solar Powered Flashlight. It wasn't nearly as useful as your umbrella though.

3/01/2006 8:18 PM  
Blogger angel, jr. gesticulated...

Does it come with a cloud design. I only carry umbrellas that have clouds on them.

3/01/2006 8:37 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

I suppose the photovoltaic cells could be arranged into a cloud pattern. I'd need to talk it over with Development.

And we abandoned solar powered flashlights in favor of nuclear lite brite over a decade ago.

3/01/2006 9:20 PM  
Blogger L>T gesticulated...

pop sstarts? You are stuttering my robot friend. It's 'pop tarts'. You don't need an apendix. You need some new AA's. :)

3/01/2006 11:18 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

No. Pop starts is a new kind of pop tart. Made especially for breakfast, start your day off right with a pop start.

3/02/2006 10:11 AM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator gesticulated...

Gotta be glad it isn't Poop Tarts.

Do they have bacon flavored Pop Starts?

3/02/2006 10:53 AM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Pop Starts only come in "Eggs n' Bacon" blueberry.

3/02/2006 12:10 PM  
Blogger L>T gesticulated...

'Poop starts' are for old people who talk about their bowel movements every morning.

'Pop starts' should have Goose-berrys in them.<-----Get it!! Ha Ha.

3/02/2006 12:22 PM  
Blogger L>T gesticulated...

Poke Salad Annie said, "Those are 'Poke starts'.

3/02/2006 5:32 PM  
Blogger Salbert gesticulated...

Ingenius! To think I could power my Blackberry and send E-mails outside in the rain WHERE THERE IS LITTLE SUN!!!!!

Here at Sal & Company, we make USEFUL products.

3/02/2006 9:02 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

There's always room for a little unhealthy competition.

3/02/2006 9:16 PM  
Blogger flu gesticulated...

I frequently deal with pop farts... is that similar?

3/02/2006 10:59 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Similar, yes. Different, yes.

3/02/2006 11:02 PM  
Blogger R2K gesticulated...

I love the flame thrower hand :)

3/06/2006 2:13 PM