When Marion Earle called us in to solve her paranormal firm’s organizational issues, we scoffed, sneered, fleered, and flouted. A multinational twelve-tiered company like Roboshrub Inc. can’t just help other companies sort out their paperwork; we must be a leader in the field! As of 00:30:06:N on the 12th day of the previous month, the Zombietree Trust, our Antarctican branch, became the exclusive tester/consumer of the trademarked Permanent Paper Clip.
Marion Earle, the one-armed office manager/mermaid.
We’ve been searching for a fairly long time to showcase the exploits of the Zombietree Trust, and Marion’s specifically requested that her product be invented by the undead. So it was just a matter of getting an undead research team together and giving them clearly defined, yet vaguely threatening, instructions. There’s been a great deal of tension between the Roboshrub and the Zombietrees since the hostile takeover in 2004, but this joint venture allowed both sides to bury the hatchet.
The research team, led by my one-armed undead cousin.
And where that hatched landed, a new concept was born: the idea of “Zero Compression Space.” Postulated by long-zombified mathematician Bark Pineman, the theory states that the shortest distance between two points is always zero, since any two points in our space occupy the same position in another universe. By punching a hole through the very fabric of reality, our zombie team was able to bring office design to a whole new level.
“Manila folders go on this side of hole in space. Me want brains!”
The Permanent Paper Clip adheres to any solid surface. Upon placement, the clip will fold the space continuum onto itself, pocketing your most precious office documents in a parallel micro-universe, preventing all future access. Due to the temporal differences involved in the transition, do not use carbon paper or paper that has been exposed to liquid. For best results, do not attempt to use two Permanent Paper Clips on the same document.
Marion Earle, the one-armed office manager/mermaid.
We’ve been searching for a fairly long time to showcase the exploits of the Zombietree Trust, and Marion’s specifically requested that her product be invented by the undead. So it was just a matter of getting an undead research team together and giving them clearly defined, yet vaguely threatening, instructions. There’s been a great deal of tension between the Roboshrub and the Zombietrees since the hostile takeover in 2004, but this joint venture allowed both sides to bury the hatchet.
The research team, led by my one-armed undead cousin.
And where that hatched landed, a new concept was born: the idea of “Zero Compression Space.” Postulated by long-zombified mathematician Bark Pineman, the theory states that the shortest distance between two points is always zero, since any two points in our space occupy the same position in another universe. By punching a hole through the very fabric of reality, our zombie team was able to bring office design to a whole new level.
“Manila folders go on this side of hole in space. Me want brains!”
The Permanent Paper Clip adheres to any solid surface. Upon placement, the clip will fold the space continuum onto itself, pocketing your most precious office documents in a parallel micro-universe, preventing all future access. Due to the temporal differences involved in the transition, do not use carbon paper or paper that has been exposed to liquid. For best results, do not attempt to use two Permanent Paper Clips on the same document.
Yay! The Aqualicious Counter says there's been more than 4,000 visitors!
Of course, a thousand of those were probably me testing things. Urgh!
Hey, maybe your research team could help speed up my plan to cover the entire continent with liquid paper.
I think there's been a horrible mistake.
The mistake is ours, I assure you.
Office managers! Ughh!!!!! One pen! are you serious!!!!!!I swaer she'd give us a ration book if she could!!!!!
Why can't I try to use two paper clips on the same document? What about three? One is the loneliest number, you know.
I once worked a photo lab that would only give us one pen a month. If we lost it, we had to bring in our own.
Jeez, talk about cheap.
Oh well. That never changed the price of tea in China, or the price of China at Walmart.
Affixing more than one clip to a document could potentially shatter the fagile balance between dimensions. But go ahead anyway, since I've already purchased Armageddon insurance from The Adjuster.
My cousin Janice tried this and lost her pinky toe. Do you guys see it anywhere? That's her special pinky toe, and I believe that she's threatening litigation.
What happens if it folds on your fingers. Or you know some 12 year old girl pretends they are fingernails (like my cousins use to do) and places them on the ends of their fingers?
Pinky toes were made to be litigated.
If the Permanent Paper Clip is placed precariously on the tips of one's fingers, said clipper is folded into a space pocket. Not the most pleasant place in the universe, but it still beats getting thrown out of a plane by your own grandfather while humming a civil war tune.
I'm scared... hold me.
That’s what food is for. Speaking of which, Roboshrub will soon unveil his latest creation...
eventually.
Is there some sort of way that this could be used as a weapon? There's a planet full of bugs that I wouldn't mind dropping this on.
The treaty we agreed to with the Romulans prohibits the use of Permanent Paper Clips for military application.
But then again, intergalactic treaties were made to be broken.
Jiminy H. Crispys!!! I did not understand a word of that post, BUT, the pictures are great!
What's this 4,000 visitors thing? I'd better go check it out.
I was saying that the counter had reached over 4,000.
These pictures were never meant for mortal eyes, but since everyone has seen them, I must repostulate.
I can not find your 'user stats' so aparently(sp) you can't verify the 4,000.
HA HA HA HA!!!
i used on of ur clips and now my dog is stuck in limbo.... :(
Dogs are made to be paper clipped.
My staff frequently needs clearly defined, yet vaguely threatening, instructions. In fact, I should really get to beating them over the heads with that umbrella thingie, because ... oh, just because.
Anyways, I think I would like to try sticking a couple of those clips on my head and seeing what happened.