Ever gotten the wicked urge to brush your teeth, but lack the ten minutes or so to accurately clean your back molars? Those incisors won’t polish themselves! Holy rice crispy squares, Banana Man! Roboshrub Inc. just came up with a creative new way to hyper-brush those pesky sabers fixed on to what is laughingly called your mouth. During the late 90s, the Congress asked us to implement what was christened “Operation Deep Sea Diving Adventure Island” by the top military brass.
General Fear explains the project to Congress.
The purpose of the program was to divide any number perfectly by zero, which would cause a massive thermonuclear blast to engulf all matter within the device’s 40 mile vicinity. Originally intended as a means to avoid press conferences, we have since adapted the product to serve as a personal hygiene cleanser. The detonator has been removed, and the manual trigger supplanted by a dense swath of multi-tiered bristles. The power source is still cold fusion, which is paradoxically extremely hot.
Put the power of a thousand Hindenburgs in your mouth!
We tested the Hydrogen Toothbrush on one thousand test subjects, and 99.9 percent of them did not experienced a critical reactor meltdown (this one guy, Phil Anderson, thought it would be funny to hit it with a rock. His family is suing us). However, the FTC requires that we include a warning label on all instances of this product notifying our customers that it may unexpectedly combust, incinerating you, your property, and your neighborhood. For best results, do not use within 40 miles of inhabited land. The Hydrogen Toothbrush is not meant for use on deciduous teeth. Do not expose the Hydrogen Toothbrush to magnetic or infrared devices. Roboshrub Incorporated cannot be held liable for rock-related detonations (you hear that, Anderson family?!).
General Fear explains the project to Congress.
The purpose of the program was to divide any number perfectly by zero, which would cause a massive thermonuclear blast to engulf all matter within the device’s 40 mile vicinity. Originally intended as a means to avoid press conferences, we have since adapted the product to serve as a personal hygiene cleanser. The detonator has been removed, and the manual trigger supplanted by a dense swath of multi-tiered bristles. The power source is still cold fusion, which is paradoxically extremely hot.
Put the power of a thousand Hindenburgs in your mouth!
We tested the Hydrogen Toothbrush on one thousand test subjects, and 99.9 percent of them did not experienced a critical reactor meltdown (this one guy, Phil Anderson, thought it would be funny to hit it with a rock. His family is suing us). However, the FTC requires that we include a warning label on all instances of this product notifying our customers that it may unexpectedly combust, incinerating you, your property, and your neighborhood. For best results, do not use within 40 miles of inhabited land. The Hydrogen Toothbrush is not meant for use on deciduous teeth. Do not expose the Hydrogen Toothbrush to magnetic or infrared devices. Roboshrub Incorporated cannot be held liable for rock-related detonations (you hear that, Anderson family?!).
I'll be sure to buy this product for the people on my list who I don't like. In fact, I'll buy two each for them.
I'd like to invest in tooth-be-gone whitening with tarter control.
Buying in bulk confers bulk bonus discounts!
And the Tooth-B-Gone concept was merged with the Intestine-B-Gone solution into the Skin-B-Gone Body Spray product line.
Appaling! To think, someone would willingly put hydrogen toothbrush into their mouth. I'll shocked by any such accusation on my part. Beware of larks.
And now the final query: what is the plaural of toothbrush? Toothbrush? Or toothbruses?
Groove on that.
Proud to tell you that I have ZERO cavities and all my wisdom teeth. My dentist hates me ;)
Geeze, I'm still on the Crest Honor Roll!
the Goverment is funding all this crapola (crapola is politically correct, unlike crap w/is a bad word) I would guess??
You would think they would spend our HARD EARNED tax dollars on something useful like gerbil mating rituals or something.
On the other hand, this product might spark a dangerous 'Toothbrush Race' between neighborhoods.
This seems like a good product. It shoulda been released before Chistmas so I coulda bought them for my family instead of those iPod Nano's.
That's the government; always looking out for our dental needs.
Arr, I always approve the insertion of lingering radioactive material into my orifices.