According to the American Obesity Association, roughly two thirds of the American people are overweight. And about a third of Americans are truly obese. Obesity and fatness in general leads to a host of “body breakdowns,” such as heart failure. The fact that so many people will undergo these breakdowns merely compounds the crisis. Faced with such a major long-term health crunch, Roboshrub Inc. aims to fix this problem with our newest and most cheaply made product, Zero Calorie Shoes.
The McTriple really pushed us over the top.
Zero Calorie Shoes are the best in weight-loss footwear. West of the Mississippi, south of the Sahara, you can look all over the world for a better bipedal covering, and come up empty. Yes, we know what you’re thinking: “What’s the catch?” The catch, prospective customer, is that for every pound you lose, Roboshrub Inc. receives a variable stipend from the United Nations’ Obesity Prevention Department. What began as an international effort to curtail the ballooning obesity rates is now a very lucrative multi-quintillion dollar industry. As the sole legally recognized monopoly, Roboshrub Incorporated is entrusted with the production of Product #0273-40j (Zero Calorie Shoes). But how do the shoes work?
Original weight: 410 lbs.
The instructions for operating what was once dubbed “The Product That Has No Number” is so simple that a severely brain-damaged circus bear with one paw and a belly full of dynamite could perform it. Simply attach the shoes to your feet. Then, while wearing the Zero Calorie Shoes, walk. Walk until the microscale (which has a vocal modulation chip, don’t you know) informs you that your weight has reached nominal blubbertude. Do not eat or drink or ingest sawdust while using this product. Results may vary.
The McTriple really pushed us over the top.
Zero Calorie Shoes are the best in weight-loss footwear. West of the Mississippi, south of the Sahara, you can look all over the world for a better bipedal covering, and come up empty. Yes, we know what you’re thinking: “What’s the catch?” The catch, prospective customer, is that for every pound you lose, Roboshrub Inc. receives a variable stipend from the United Nations’ Obesity Prevention Department. What began as an international effort to curtail the ballooning obesity rates is now a very lucrative multi-quintillion dollar industry. As the sole legally recognized monopoly, Roboshrub Incorporated is entrusted with the production of Product #0273-40j (Zero Calorie Shoes). But how do the shoes work?
Original weight: 410 lbs.
The instructions for operating what was once dubbed “The Product That Has No Number” is so simple that a severely brain-damaged circus bear with one paw and a belly full of dynamite could perform it. Simply attach the shoes to your feet. Then, while wearing the Zero Calorie Shoes, walk. Walk until the microscale (which has a vocal modulation chip, don’t you know) informs you that your weight has reached nominal blubbertude. Do not eat or drink or ingest sawdust while using this product. Results may vary.
It sure was.
Whoa! My comment preceeded yours, and you commented first!
Dude.
well, that was interesting...
::smile::
You robots obviously worship Satan
dO they give you the 'runs' like those zero calorie potato chips?
That's pretty funny, don't ya know. (just watched FARGO)
I just got new shoes...although, I don't think they are Zero calorie! In fact, they are probably many calories as they are quite heavy...they are bootlike shoes. I guess I won't be eating them.
Zero Calorie shoes won't give you the runs, they'll give you a run for your money.
Shoes were made to be eaten.
These things are awesome.
Sort of.
These boots were made for eatin' and that's what I'll do, one of these days these boots are gonna something something you.
I was going to say a similar thingey, but decided against it.
Nobody can stop the Taker of Gist from Taking Gist. So don't even try. I'm real, and I aims to be the best Taker ever. So there.
Is it zero calories like celery? A space queen has to watch her weight, you know.
The zero calories refers to the calories derived from the shoes themselves.