Tom Waits’ raspy voice and original rhythms have inspired some of the best merchandise in the Roboshrub Inc. product lines. So when tertiary fungineer Sam Williams zoned out on the job to “Cemetery Polka,” we were weren’t about to just out and out fire him. But when we stormed his house and found pictures of Ronald Reagan with the eyes cut out, we had him secretly entombed in the Roboshrub Inc. catacombs.
Roboshrub Incorporated’s “Fortunado class” severance package.
But the concept of Waits-inspired commodities brokered a strange alliance between the Roboshrub Inc. Classical Toy Production Department and the Department of Sequential Edges. After failing miserably to impress our intergalactic overlords with the perpendicular Frisbee, the alliance was nearly scrapped. But the ghost of Sam Williams came to the project leaders in a dream, and added a smidgen of Moxy Fruvous into the Waits mix. Suddenly, the solution was obvious: the toy that most resembled Tom Waits’ early works was the slinky, clearly a supplemental metaphor for “Rain Dogs.” Displeased with the Moxy component, the DSE demanded the immediate supplication of the slinky. This resulted in what can only be the greatest ware we’ve ever sold!
Hours of fun for children of all ages!
The Straight Slinky is composed of nickel and cobalt. In dire circumstances, it can be used to skewer rats or other small mammals for human consumption. Do not place the Straight Slinky near or in the ocular cavity. Recommended for ages 2 and up.
Roboshrub Incorporated’s “Fortunado class” severance package.
But the concept of Waits-inspired commodities brokered a strange alliance between the Roboshrub Inc. Classical Toy Production Department and the Department of Sequential Edges. After failing miserably to impress our intergalactic overlords with the perpendicular Frisbee, the alliance was nearly scrapped. But the ghost of Sam Williams came to the project leaders in a dream, and added a smidgen of Moxy Fruvous into the Waits mix. Suddenly, the solution was obvious: the toy that most resembled Tom Waits’ early works was the slinky, clearly a supplemental metaphor for “Rain Dogs.” Displeased with the Moxy component, the DSE demanded the immediate supplication of the slinky. This resulted in what can only be the greatest ware we’ve ever sold!
Hours of fun for children of all ages!
The Straight Slinky is composed of nickel and cobalt. In dire circumstances, it can be used to skewer rats or other small mammals for human consumption. Do not place the Straight Slinky near or in the ocular cavity. Recommended for ages 2 and up.
Darn, I'm allergic to nickel and cobalt. I guess I'll have to buy one with tungsten and zinc.
Your products make me weep tears of pure Gist.
Proceed.
What the hell are you talking about??? I do not get it~!!!
& the gist guy!!! ARGHHHH.
Maybe it's me? slinkys, rats, & polka??
If I can navigate the word varifcation, Arghhhh!
Tom Waits has always been quite a rain dog.
And the Straight Slinky 2.0 will include not just tungsten and zinc, but also technetium and argon. And a trans-polymer base.
How's Earthlink working out for you?
I know 4 people who deserve this as a gift. A Tom Waits reference is always good.
fun, does it walk down stairs, alone or in pairs and makes a slinkity sound?
The straight slinky , I'm sure is for people w/no stairs. It slides across the floor, & if you drop it sraight down on its end, it falls over. Two straight slinkys (a pair) Lay side by side & will not get tangled up together, no matter how hard you try!!!
Could I use it to re-wire some stuff?
Sweet corn stalk of New York!
The Straight Slinky is meant for entertainment purposes only. Use in an industrial environment is considered in violation of the warranty. Hair loss may occur.
Well, then I won't tell you how to get a 'Charge' out of the straight slinky.
My 4 year old granddaughter is still partly bald on the left side of her head. (Where they did the skin grafts)
Speaking of which, did you hear about the guy who was struck by lightning and arrested on a battery charge?
They later charged him with reckless endagerment and tresspassing.
He's facing 10 years.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Oh man, I would love a straight slinky. I'd use it more than my non-eraseable pencil or my yo.
The yo (precursor of the yoyo) was considered to be a flop due to its inability to return to the hand of its owner.
This lead to mass riots, resulting in ten companies getting disenfranchised.
Oh, I love the perpendicular Frisbee, and I cannot wait to try the straight slinky.
I've been totally looking for a rat killer
HAR! HAR! HAR!
Gyrobro, you continually crack me up!!
How about a whole store of reject products?
Oh wait they aready have a store like that.
the 1.00 store. Do not buy batteries there or light bulbs, pregnacey test strips or condoms.
We could start the 99 cent store & put the other guys out of business. :[)> <-----jesus?
Those straight slinky's are more fun than a Barrel of Rabid Monkies! (discontinued from Sal & Company 1997)
I once had a really cheap box of light bulbs. They were about 12 cents each.
They lasted one day each before burning out.
Now I only use the really expensive high efficiency bulbs.
(BTW--You've got John Wilkes-Booth and a confederate flag both visiting this comments page: I smell a conspiracy!!)
Your drawings are just frickin' incredible: and I don't pull out the word 'frickin'' for just anyone!! ;)
I love Tom Waits. CLOSING TIME drew a lot of tears from these eyes o' mine.
Wow...you cease to amaze me with your talent, my little metal guy!!
HAPPY BLOGENTINE TO U!!!
XXX's & OOO's from the tart
No conspiracy.
Right Johnny?
Everyone knows that John Wilkes Booth was never instructed by the Confederacy.
He was under the particular control of the shadow government, forced to counter his southern sensibilities with utmost caution.
Happy Valentine's Day Gyro!
I'll never switch to the straight slinky! Nevah!!
The Taker has set his designs on your products lines. Out of the Gist, I blur with a twist-
You shan't know the joys of the list.
I am sorry I meant to tell all of you from this house over here...Happy Valentine's day!
You should make a Valentines Day slinky!!!!!
How did you find out about the Super ♥ Slinky?!
We must have here a case of industrial espionage, involving tire irons and possibly the Pretender to the Throne of Portugal.