Yum yum, I’ve got some gum! Not just any gum, but Roboshrub Inc. party favor flavored gum! This gum’s the best in all the land. Just ask our spokes-chewer, Jeffy the Wonder Dog. We put some Ham-Flavored Bubble Gum right next to his food bowl the other day, and he’s still chewing like there’s no tomorrow! Go, Jeffy, go!
“Jeffy, come down from there at once!”
To answer your first question, yes, Ham-Flavored Bubble Gum is completely kosher. We at Roboshrub Inc. have tried to recreate the aroma and flavor of ham by combining several fatty acids and peptones found to be naturally occurring in plants and in animals other than pigs. Failing to do that, we reverse genetically engineered human clones into a pig-like form, and ground them up to provide the zesty tang in every chew. While this has been called “cannibalistic,” “amoral,” and also “not kosher” by every religious and governmental body on Earth, we believe that we acted fully within the realm of the possible.
Synthetic pig-men are 100% kosher.
Ham-Flavored Bubble Gum contains synthetic food coloring and artificial flavoring. As with all Roboshrub Incorporated products, it is sugar based and has a high fat content. No humans or pigs were harmed in the manufacture of this product, although many, many thousands of pig-men were butchered to provide all-natural taste. Sold in both tablet and roll strip form. For more information about the nutritional content of Ham-Flavored Bubble Gum, contact Jeffy the Wonder Dog at his palace in downtown Detroit.
“Jeffy, come down from there at once!”
To answer your first question, yes, Ham-Flavored Bubble Gum is completely kosher. We at Roboshrub Inc. have tried to recreate the aroma and flavor of ham by combining several fatty acids and peptones found to be naturally occurring in plants and in animals other than pigs. Failing to do that, we reverse genetically engineered human clones into a pig-like form, and ground them up to provide the zesty tang in every chew. While this has been called “cannibalistic,” “amoral,” and also “not kosher” by every religious and governmental body on Earth, we believe that we acted fully within the realm of the possible.
Synthetic pig-men are 100% kosher.
Ham-Flavored Bubble Gum contains synthetic food coloring and artificial flavoring. As with all Roboshrub Incorporated products, it is sugar based and has a high fat content. No humans or pigs were harmed in the manufacture of this product, although many, many thousands of pig-men were butchered to provide all-natural taste. Sold in both tablet and roll strip form. For more information about the nutritional content of Ham-Flavored Bubble Gum, contact Jeffy the Wonder Dog at his palace in downtown Detroit.
You have gone too far, this time. Danerous toys that poke childrens eyes out are one thing. But, killing pig-men for chewing gum...I would not believe this, but, i did get a glimpse of a 'pig man' on Seinfeild once, so i know it's true.
As my mother does say, "what is this world coming to?"
If you could see me now, you would say "Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator, what's all that water around your mouth?" and I would say "I'm salivating."
It's a whole new world of ham-based gum. You can have ham-and-cheese gum, hamhock gum, ham fisted gum, ham and bacon gum, ham eggs sausage and spam gum, ham and chicken loaf MRE gum, pickle loaf gum, pimento loaf gum. THe sky's the limit, everyone, and I'm bringin' a fork!
This article is completely factual and the start of a new paradigm.
Bwahhhahah!
Happy Valentines Day to the sexiest Robot I know!
Hmm... ham and eggs gum.. you should look into it.
May toast flavored throat lozenges too. Damn, I am hungry.
And that's how I saved Valentine's Day.
Is this anything like the bubbblegum from Willy Wonka? The one that turned violet into a blueberry?
You people are freaks. It all sounds delicious.
I myself am working diligently on a Ham-on-a-Stick development. They should complent eachother perfectly, including the added use of the emptied and licked-clean ham stick to fling the gum when one is finished chewing it to one's heart's content.
Yes! And through our cooperation, we will crush the Mom & Pop ham shops, and corner the market!
And then we'll raise prices to unheard of levels! Who's going to stop us? The railroad barrons? Ha! They're more corrupt than we!
How did you know that would be my first question?
It came to me in a dream. Also, I posess psychic powers that enable me to foresee the comments before they appear.
I gained this ability when I went back to 1992 and prevented Ross Perot from becomming president.
Okay, maybe I don't have psychic powers, per se, but I know this guy who does.
Ham flavored gum in my MRE would be awesome.
To answer your first question, yes, Ham-Flavored Bubble Gum is completely kosher.
Oh my gosh, I laughed out loud at this one!!!!
Is it vegetarian?? I think not. Perhaps you could come up with a soy based "ham flavored gum"!?
BTW--Happy Valentine's Day--two days late and two dollars short. (better late than never, no?)
A surprising new study uncovered that the mutant pig-men we ground up were actually protists, since they gain 25% of their nutrients via photosynthesis.
That puts them squarely outside the animal kingdom.
Excellent!
May I post one of your drawings and point to your site Robo?
Tell me how you like to be presented. name links etc.
jeff@interactionsociety.com
http://www.interactionsociety.com/blog/
Go ahead. All my various thingey-ma-doodles are there for the world to see.
I'm not to up on the naming conventions, but it goes something like:
--==\ Gyrobo /==--
At least that's the formula Roboshrub set up before he sent me that invite last June.
I'm still waiting for tofu-ham-flavoured chewing gum.--for carnivors who like the taste of soya bean curd.
Our "tofu enhancement" project went down a year ago after we had a small problem with the genetic resequencer.
That's the same time we pattented the soy-man action figure.
Not because one of our employees was mutated into a tofu beast...
Mostly...
Aaaahh Grasshopper.
The universe is but the womb of God, and the human race can easily miscarry by its own hand.