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Credits

Ten thousand years of Roboshrub.

Fangs for the memories.




In today’s state, Roboshrub Incorporated is an entity entirely devoted
to the execution of what normal people would refer to as “bad ideas.”

It was the creator’s original idea that all concepts, whether
useful or not, contribute to the global subconscious level of progress
for the human race. Therefore, we contend that no idea is an unfit
idea, and vow to act on each and every one of them.

Roboshrub Inc.
Public Communications Department






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For your insolence, I condemn you to...

Suffer the Fate of a Thousand Bees!
(Before they go extinct)

Print Logo

2.11.2006

Product #4573-81k “Straight Slinky”

Tom Waits’ raspy voice and original rhythms have inspired some of the best merchandise in the Roboshrub Inc. product lines. So when tertiary fungineer Sam Williams zoned out on the job to “Cemetery Polka,” we were weren’t about to just out and out fire him. But when we stormed his house and found pictures of Ronald Reagan with the eyes cut out, we had him secretly entombed in the Roboshrub Inc. catacombs.


Roboshrub Incorporated’s “Fortunado class” severance package.

But the concept of Waits-inspired commodities brokered a strange alliance between the Roboshrub Inc. Classical Toy Production Department and the Department of Sequential Edges. After failing miserably to impress our intergalactic overlords with the perpendicular Frisbee, the alliance was nearly scrapped. But the ghost of Sam Williams came to the project leaders in a dream, and added a smidgen of Moxy Fruvous into the Waits mix. Suddenly, the solution was obvious: the toy that most resembled Tom Waits’ early works was the slinky, clearly a supplemental metaphor for “Rain Dogs.” Displeased with the Moxy component, the DSE demanded the immediate supplication of the slinky. This resulted in what can only be the greatest ware we’ve ever sold!


Hours of fun for children of all ages!

The Straight Slinky is composed of nickel and cobalt. In dire circumstances, it can be used to skewer rats or other small mammals for human consumption. Do not place the Straight Slinky near or in the ocular cavity. Recommended for ages 2 and up.

Processing 33×100 Robo-Comments:

Blogger Fred gesticulated...

Darn, I'm allergic to nickel and cobalt. I guess I'll have to buy one with tungsten and zinc.

2/11/2006 11:23 PM  
Blogger The Taker of Gist gesticulated...

Your products make me weep tears of pure Gist.

Proceed.

2/11/2006 11:23 PM  
Blogger L>T gesticulated...

What the hell are you talking about??? I do not get it~!!!

& the gist guy!!! ARGHHHH.

Maybe it's me? slinkys, rats, & polka??

If I can navigate the word varifcation, Arghhhh!

2/12/2006 2:06 AM  
Blogger Wilkes Booth gesticulated...

Perhaps you should have walled Tom Waits up in the catacombs? His music has been banned from the ZU complex due to large numbers of people who would either go into a trance or gouge their eyes out with spoons.... oh I've said too much already.

2/12/2006 2:19 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Tom Waits has always been quite a rain dog.

2/12/2006 5:39 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

And the Straight Slinky 2.0 will include not just tungsten and zinc, but also technetium and argon. And a trans-polymer base.

2/12/2006 5:40 PM  
Blogger Cabe gesticulated...

How's Earthlink working out for you?

2/12/2006 9:46 PM  
Blogger sabatkes gesticulated...

I know 4 people who deserve this as a gift. A Tom Waits reference is always good.

2/12/2006 11:03 PM  
Blogger Patricia Geraghty gesticulated...

Wilkes-- If I am totally corrupted by this Tom Waits CD I went out and bought after I read your post and got curious, I just want you to know it's all your fault.

Gyrobo-- You folks are really pushing the envelope. Perhaps someday this item will be useful.

2/13/2006 8:58 AM  
Blogger angel, jr. gesticulated...

fun, does it walk down stairs, alone or in pairs and makes a slinkity sound?

2/13/2006 10:00 AM  
Blogger L>T gesticulated...

The straight slinky , I'm sure is for people w/no stairs. It slides across the floor, & if you drop it sraight down on its end, it falls over. Two straight slinkys (a pair) Lay side by side & will not get tangled up together, no matter how hard you try!!!

2/13/2006 10:25 AM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator gesticulated...

Could I use it to re-wire some stuff?

2/13/2006 12:17 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Sweet corn stalk of New York!

The Straight Slinky is meant for entertainment purposes only. Use in an industrial environment is considered in violation of the warranty. Hair loss may occur.

2/13/2006 1:14 PM  
Blogger L>T gesticulated...

Well, then I won't tell you how to get a 'Charge' out of the straight slinky.

My 4 year old granddaughter is still partly bald on the left side of her head. (Where they did the skin grafts)

2/13/2006 2:43 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Speaking of which, did you hear about the guy who was struck by lightning and arrested on a battery charge?

They later charged him with reckless endagerment and tresspassing.

He's facing 10 years.

2/13/2006 3:38 PM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator gesticulated...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

2/13/2006 4:54 PM  
Blogger Private Hudson gesticulated...

Oh man, I would love a straight slinky. I'd use it more than my non-eraseable pencil or my yo.

2/13/2006 4:55 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

The yo (precursor of the yoyo) was considered to be a flop due to its inability to return to the hand of its owner.

This lead to mass riots, resulting in ten companies getting disenfranchised.

2/13/2006 5:27 PM  
Blogger Lee Ann gesticulated...

Oh, I love the perpendicular Frisbee, and I cannot wait to try the straight slinky.

2/13/2006 7:17 PM  
Blogger Calzone gesticulated...

I've been totally looking for a rat killer

2/13/2006 7:54 PM  
Blogger L>T gesticulated...

HAR! HAR! HAR!
Gyrobro, you continually crack me up!!

How about a whole store of reject products?

Oh wait they aready have a store like that.
the 1.00 store. Do not buy batteries there or light bulbs, pregnacey test strips or condoms.

We could start the 99 cent store & put the other guys out of business. :[)> <-----jesus?

2/13/2006 8:38 PM  
Anonymous Salbert gesticulated...

Those straight slinky's are more fun than a Barrel of Rabid Monkies! (discontinued from Sal & Company 1997)

2/13/2006 8:40 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

I once had a really cheap box of light bulbs. They were about 12 cents each.

They lasted one day each before burning out.

Now I only use the really expensive high efficiency bulbs.

2/13/2006 9:29 PM  
Blogger Bhakti gesticulated...

(BTW--You've got John Wilkes-Booth and a confederate flag both visiting this comments page: I smell a conspiracy!!)

Your drawings are just frickin' incredible: and I don't pull out the word 'frickin'' for just anyone!! ;)

I love Tom Waits. CLOSING TIME drew a lot of tears from these eyes o' mine.

Wow...you cease to amaze me with your talent, my little metal guy!!

2/13/2006 9:58 PM  
Blogger L>T gesticulated...

HAPPY BLOGENTINE TO U!!!

XXX's & OOO's from the tart

2/13/2006 10:08 PM  
Blogger Cabe gesticulated...

No conspiracy.

Right Johnny?

2/14/2006 7:59 AM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Everyone knows that John Wilkes Booth was never instructed by the Confederacy.

He was under the particular control of the shadow government, forced to counter his southern sensibilities with utmost caution.

2/14/2006 10:12 AM  
Blogger Lee Ann gesticulated...

Happy Valentine's Day Gyro!

2/14/2006 11:58 AM  
Blogger ticharu gesticulated...

I'll never switch to the straight slinky! Nevah!!

2/14/2006 12:01 PM  
Blogger The Taker of Gist gesticulated...

The Taker has set his designs on your products lines. Out of the Gist, I blur with a twist-

You shan't know the joys of the list.

2/14/2006 12:09 PM  
Blogger Lee Ann gesticulated...

I am sorry I meant to tell all of you from this house over here...Happy Valentine's day!

2/14/2006 1:57 PM  
Anonymous Salbert gesticulated...

You should make a Valentines Day slinky!!!!!

2/14/2006 4:59 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

How did you find out about the Super ♥ Slinky?!

We must have here a case of industrial espionage, involving tire irons and possibly the Pretender to the Throne of Portugal.

2/14/2006 5:41 PM