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Credits

Ten thousand years of Roboshrub.

Fangs for the memories.




In today’s state, Roboshrub Incorporated is an entity entirely devoted
to the execution of what normal people would refer to as “bad ideas.”

It was the creator’s original idea that all concepts, whether
useful or not, contribute to the global subconscious level of progress
for the human race. Therefore, we contend that no idea is an unfit
idea, and vow to act on each and every one of them.

Roboshrub Inc.
Public Communications Department






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For your insolence, I condemn you to...

Suffer the Fate of a Thousand Bees!
(Before they go extinct)

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2.16.2006

Product #3355-55a “Prosthetic Foreheads”

Mitch McConnell was a construction worker over at the east side docks. He worked the night shift, tunneling out the basement of the new seaport sky dome.

Mitch also liked to read the paper. Every day, Mitch would pick up a copy of the Times on his way back from work. He read it before he went to bed each morning, after his shift ended, and enjoyed laughing at the editorials he disagreed with. One day, an insert fell out of the Times. It was a coupon for a discounted yearlong subscription! Oh, how happy Mitch was to mail that insert in! Finally, he would have the paper delivered right to his front door, which would cut an extra 5 minutes off of his commute.


Now he can finally stop for hot dogs!

The paper arrived the next day. Mitch had just gotten home from work, and was about to unlock his front door when he heard the sound of a bicycle. Turning around, he waved as the paper boy grabbed a copy of the Times and chucked it right at him. Mitch ducked, but it was too late; for it had been the Sunday edition, and weighed nearly five pounds. Knocked off his feet, Mitch fell sideways over the railing and into a garbage can. His forehead was completely crushed.


It’s worth every cent.

That’s when Roboshrub Inc. stepped in. We needed a guinea pig test subject for our new experimental Prosthetic Foreheads, and Mitch was in desperate need of a way to prevent his brain from exiting his skull via the front. Twelve hours of surgery and voodoo later, Mr. McConnell’s forehead was restored to its pristine pre newspaper contact state. Following his miraculous and gradual recovery, Mitch McConnell went on to write his world-renowned memoir, “Overcoming Democracy in 12 Easy Steps.”


You can go back to leading a perfectly normal life.

What happened to Mr. McConnell isn’t that rare an occurrence. But while we can’t all avoid the foibles of life that lead to forehead trauma, we can at least (through Roboshrub Inc.’s body enhancement and replacement program) muddle through it with the best in artificial limbs and organs. Prosthetic Foreheads are made from 100% recycled materials, and (unlike our last model of prosthetic headgear) do not contain toxic elements or cause hallucinations of a mischievous Oompa Loompa. All Roboshrub Inc. Prosthetic Foreheads are flame retardant, but ironically burst into flame when exposed to water. Do not sit on your Prosthetic Forehead.

Processing 17×100 Robo-Comments:

Blogger L>T gesticulated...

You are becoming way too popular. I was looking for your 'Complete Profile' fearing you have finally surpassed me in vistors...Where the hell is it? I keep coming up w/ all kinds of stuff, but no profile??

2/16/2006 6:37 PM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator gesticulated...

Eh, it's a nice prosthetic forehead, I guess, but I think I'll stick with the ham flavored gum.

Psst, do you have bacon flavored gum? I love bacon.

2/16/2006 9:02 PM  
Blogger Mint Tea Mystic gesticulated...

Everybody wants on of these. On their real heads, too.

2/16/2006 9:41 PM  
Blogger flatlander gesticulated...

Throw the crib doors wide!

I'm still suffering from an adolescent break dancing misshap. My forehead looks bad, but you should see the dint I made in the dance floor!

2/16/2006 11:47 PM  
Blogger ticharu gesticulated...

The piece you contributed lyrics to is up on Frappe Dreamgate. Go to Frappe Dreamgate, do not pass Frappe Dreamgate but go directly to Frappe Dreamgate to hear this industrial creation of monumental prosthetic proportionsssss

2/17/2006 12:18 AM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Sleep deprivation has short circuited my holotronic brain.

2/17/2006 10:57 AM  
Blogger L>T gesticulated...

me too. What the hell was i thinking? of course your profile was where it always is. I am going to need one of those prosthetic foreheads, as i keep smacking mine, Geesh!
I'd like the high-brow model please.

Btw I'm still ahead.

2/17/2006 12:19 PM  
Blogger The Taker of Gist gesticulated...

Your organ replacement program really leaves a lot to the imagination.

For example, I recently took some Gist from this newspaper and it turned out that I needed my spine replaced by an iron rod. Where were you, robot man, when I needed that iron rod?!

Down in the Gist mill, I can tell you what...

2/17/2006 1:15 PM  
Blogger His Majesty gesticulated...

Evil Robo-Bob Dole wants gold.

Give us your gold, or Evil Robo-Bob Dole will unleash his never before revealed finishing move, the Screaming Turtle Wizzer.

All over the back of your prosthetic forehead.

2/17/2006 2:14 PM  
Blogger Karl the Sorcerer gesticulated...

Vi'lo g'teni bov!

*waves hands*

I have returned, and cast an aura of despair around you all, 'cause that's how it happened to me!

2/17/2006 3:01 PM  
Blogger angel, jr. gesticulated...

does Jay Leno have one of your prosthetic chins?

2/18/2006 12:25 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

It would be highly unethical to reveal such sensitive information on our customers.

But yes.

2/18/2006 12:28 PM  
Blogger Salbert gesticulated...

I already patented one of those. It may be a Sudanese patent, but you still stole my idea!!!

2/18/2006 8:02 PM  
Blogger Bhakti gesticulated...

I love this! Oh my gosh---when I lived in NYC I used to get the Sunday Times at about 11am and would finish looking through the Metro and Arts section by midnight. That paper is rather large!

I never got hit on the forehead with one, though.

There was a (true) story in the early 1980s about a woman in England who was reaching up for a box of sandwich bags and the box hit her on the head and she died. The box only weighed less than a pound.

This post just reminded me of that story (it was in the Daily Mirror or the Sun--so I don't know how true it actually was)...

I love your artwork.

Can you draw a Cat of the Month for March to display on my blog??
You can email it to me. It's my birthday in March, so it could be a special birthday cat. ;)

2/18/2006 9:24 PM  
Blogger Bhakti gesticulated...

oH hECK! i JUST WENT AHEAD AND MADE you THE CAT OF THE MONTH!!

cONGRATULATIONS!!

:)

Click here for GYROBOCAT's CAT OF THE MONTH honors!! (check sidebar for details!

2/18/2006 10:34 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Your birthday cat will be ten times better than half of how fun it is to get punched in the kidneys by an Oompa Loompa.

2/18/2006 11:45 PM  
Blogger Mr. Paul Freeman, CEO gesticulated...

Man, you should so have left this TOP SECRET!!! Now everyone is going to be ripping you off. Except for us. Because we're competing against you!!! WE WILL PREVAIL!!!

Gimme one of those foreheads, will ya? The bartender at our rathskeller is looking a little wimpy in the cranial protuberance department.

2/21/2006 3:27 PM