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Ten thousand years of Roboshrub.

Fangs for the memories.




In today’s state, Roboshrub Incorporated is an entity entirely devoted
to the execution of what normal people would refer to as “bad ideas.”

It was the creator’s original idea that all concepts, whether
useful or not, contribute to the global subconscious level of progress
for the human race. Therefore, we contend that no idea is an unfit
idea, and vow to act on each and every one of them.

Roboshrub Inc.
Public Communications Department






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For your insolence, I condemn you to...

Suffer the Fate of a Thousand Bees!
(Before they go extinct)

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2.25.2006

A Portrait of the Sun

High above the mountains nigh,
a G-type star doth freely fly.

Gazed upon by generations,
base of all our calculations.

What is this being of such majesty?
Is it merely a cosmic travesty?

Shining down on all of life,
it sees the good, it sees the strife.

And then, and then, in 2010,
when the solar cycles began again,

The Sun, in all its glowing glory
Rained down fire, end of story.

Every once in a billion years,
A star just busts; its fabric tears.

We all saw it coming; all of us knew.
We saw the melting of the solar glue.

How droll. How shallow. How pedantic.
How arbitrary, how unromantic!

In 2010, the sun exploded.
Like an old toy truck, wires corroded.

In 2009. In 2008. In 2007 we saw it coming.
The Simpsons, the longest cartoon running.

That should have been the biggest giver.
The hugest clue. The bite-size sliver.

For when a T.V. show does run,
for twenty years and ten plus fun,

The sun can't hold the patter of feets.
It can't sustain the assorted red meats.

Because, as we all know, the sun is a vegan.
It can't eat ham-blasted deep-fried raisins.

And that, dear reader, is why the sun went boom.
Not because of you, drive C was out of room.

Hard drive, disk space, storage and bandwith,
It doesn't change a thing when the sun wants a sandwich.

'Cause when the sun gets angry at the lack of tater tots,
No amount of pilot lights can quench its solar blots.

Sea life, plants, animals and rocks,
When the sun comes to town, nobody talks.

Deep down every form of effervescent lifeform
Knows the time of day is more than a heated snowstorm.

It's an ancient process, young one, that few can understand.
And even less can comprehend the quiescent demand.

But believe me when I say to you I didn't ever think
That after tens of nano-years the sun could ever sink

To such a level of sheer malice and unrequited spite,
That it would pose a challenge to the Templar's bestest knight.

Who else could fight it? The Moon fight the sun?
Ha! The Moon is a coward. No, the knight's the only one.

Have at it! The sun must not defend!
Harry right! Harry left! Oh, why can't you comprehend

That deep beneath its burning exterior beats a heart of gold.
Under all the fiery demonspawn lurk treasures never told.

How could the sun play StarCraft? It doesn't even pwn
The n00bs on BattleNet, so how can it mow the lawn?

The sun wouldn't even think to mow the lawn this summer day.
Its solar core about to breach, it doesn't know the way.

The way to where? And why should I care?
And who will join the fray? And why is there

A starship there, to take the sun away?
Starship? No. It cannot be. That thing is made of clay.

But nice try, though. Good effort. Another point for you.
And thanks for taking my thoughts away from melting solar glue.

Yes. The sun. Those foolish fools and their Templar knight
And their solar glue and their starship flights.

Why can't everyone just see the sun is getting kind of mean?
It used to be a real nice guy, emitting shiny sunbeams.

And now, against the clock, with time to spare
ten more seconds 'til the end of the square,

Which is good, since the square is the sun's worst foe.
Have been foes since the days of Poe. When he stubbed his toe.

And then, and then, in 2010,
The Templar's knight took his revenge

Against the sun, and also the moon
But not before the two hired a goon

To knock the knight right off his horse,
And fall he did, his landing coarse.

And like the knight, our very future
Was in desperate need of suture.

The sun, together with the moon at last?
It couldn't be. Their time was past.

We can live without them both.
Just pull out some powdered toast.

"To be the ones in charge of bread
Will do our people good", I said.

To not depend on moon or sun
For blankets woven, stories spun,

Will be the best gift ever given.
2010, Templar risen!

Labels:


Processing 26×100 Robo-Comments:

Blogger Cabe gesticulated...

Does the sun play Halo 2?

2/25/2006 10:03 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

I wish it did.

I wish it did.

2/25/2006 10:04 PM  
Blogger Phil gesticulated...


Ha-Ha!
The covenant own this galaxy.

2/25/2006 10:07 PM  
Blogger Salbert gesticulated...

The Sun is gonna play Halo 3 for Xbox 360 when that comes out.

2/25/2006 10:29 PM  
Blogger GrasshopperBoy gesticulated...

awesome!! i'm definitely gonna recite this to my kids one day!! :P

2/26/2006 9:12 AM  
Blogger sabatkes gesticulated...

Yay!
I will die before I get old!

2/26/2006 10:10 AM  
Blogger L>T gesticulated...

Is there anything you cannot do, renaissance man, gyrobot you?

2/26/2006 10:11 AM  
Blogger Bhakti gesticulated...

You have this uncanny way of making me laugh my buttocks off!!!
Thanks for that!

I just couldn't help but think that you were getting drunker and drunker on expensive beer as you wrote this ode to armaggedon. (well, it WOULD be a really cold day in hell without the sun and the moon!)

Every once in a billion years,
A star just busts; its fabric tears.


My favorite line.

thank you for always making me smile!!! You're so talented! Did you ever think of starting a blog?

2/26/2006 11:16 AM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Thought about it, but decided against it, lest the people steal a glimpse into the maddness.

I always knew the sun was up to something. Now... we have the proof. The proof is in the pudding.

2/26/2006 2:39 PM  
Blogger flatlander gesticulated...

Your expertly-wrought couplets have bought us, roughly, 24.35 extra minutes of earth time!

Now I'll have time to press my shirts before the Gib Gnab.

2/26/2006 2:47 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Solar snap's right on time. Never late for its own supernova.

2/26/2006 3:04 PM  
Blogger Bhakti gesticulated...

Even if the sun doesn't shine, it's still shining somewhere. The proof is in the moon (the reflection of the sun on the moon).

You said 'the proof is in the pudding'. What kind of pudding? Chocolate, Vanilla, or--my favorite--Butterscotch??

2/26/2006 3:43 PM  
Blogger GrasshopperBoy gesticulated...

@bhakti: even i love butterscotch...i want some pudding too :((

2/26/2006 5:23 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Well, I slightly revamped the blog template. The random blurb array has been increased by 12.2%, and I updated the blogroll.

2/26/2006 6:09 PM  
Blogger R2K gesticulated...

That MChammer blog is so strange.

And his new video is SO bad! :)

You ever watch Perfect Hair Forever? I bet youd like it.

R2K

2/26/2006 10:49 PM  
Blogger Bhakti gesticulated...

Hey, man...where's our pudding? I can't stay up all night, you know! Grasshopperboy and I are lying patiently in wait for our proof in the butterscotch pudding!!!!

2/26/2006 10:59 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

The proof in the pudding was eaten by Tom Thumb. Too bad. The pie was blood pie. Not appetizing at all.

2/26/2006 11:06 PM  
Blogger Alessandro_PPG gesticulated...

taOlá! Estou divulgando o meu blogger: http://ilustrada-ppg.blogspot.com/ e meu site: http://www.ilustrada.ppg.br/ ! Colabore com o meu Webblogger clicando nos anúncios Google para eu adiquirir um domínio próprio! Abraços! Conto com sua com a sua colaboração! Abraços!

2/26/2006 11:28 PM  
Blogger Bhakti gesticulated...

EEeewwwww!!! That's gross. Yuck. Not a good image to sleep on.

Come on, tell me a funny story before I retire (don't you hate when people say 'retire' instead of 'go to bed'? If going to bed is 'retiring', that would mean that the waking state is a job. That's just downright blasphemy!

All good things must come to an end. And this good comment is ending right here.

:)

PS IN honor of my obsession with the Hindu tranditions and culture, I think you should put a Bindi on your avatar when visiting my site. ;)

2/26/2006 11:33 PM  
Blogger GrasshopperBoy gesticulated...

@gyrobo: i updated my blogroll too :)

2/27/2006 3:48 AM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Yay! The more people link to your site, the more it's worth in blog dollars.

2/27/2006 8:44 AM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator gesticulated...

I can't believe that the sun is vegan, I mean, I love ham-blasted deep-fried raisins! I alwasy thought the sun fed on hydrogen and helium, well so much for my public school education.

2/27/2006 12:12 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

The sun doesn't want to play Halo 2 or StarCraft, but it has very little choice.

None of us do.

2/27/2006 2:55 PM  
Blogger angel, jr. gesticulated...

Hey, you mentioned the Simpsons.

2/27/2006 4:41 PM  
Blogger Bhakti gesticulated...

I am HOOKED on MCHAMMER's blog. What have you done to me?? Also, it looks like his blog traffic has skyrocketed since Karl the Sorceror's mention of it on the previous post! :)

2/27/2006 6:00 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Popularity? Thanks to Karl? Impossible. Besides, it was right on the front page of Blogger Buzz. Everyone who's anyone would have seen it.

2/27/2006 7:02 PM