Send As SMS



Credits

Ten thousand years of Roboshrub.

Fangs for the memories.




In today’s state, Roboshrub Incorporated is an entity entirely devoted
to the execution of what normal people would refer to as “bad ideas.”

It was the creator’s original idea that all concepts, whether
useful or not, contribute to the global subconscious level of progress
for the human race. Therefore, we contend that no idea is an unfit
idea, and vow to act on each and every one of them.

Roboshrub Inc.
Public Communications Department






Changes may not fully take effect until you reload the page.




For your insolence, I condemn you to...

Suffer the Fate of a Thousand Bees!
(Before they go extinct)

Print Logo

12.06.2005

Bush Mutates Into Alien, Freaks Out Diplomats

The United Nations erupted into chaos this Monday as President George Bush mutated into a strange alien creature. While the white house staff is still baffled as to how this was accomplished, geneticists have determined that the President’s core genome has been affected by the transformation. The base pair sequences have been completely rewritten so as to induce physical changes, such as a great increase in brain size and neuronal complexity. “This kind of genetic manipulation is just beyond our means,” reported the President’s Chief of Staff. “Of course the President has been relieved of duty, and we are now running tests on the Vice President, Secretary of State, and several other high-level officials to rule out the possibility of mutating genetic markers.”

President Bush had just finished giving a speech calling for an embargo against Canada for its alleged involvement in the theft of weapons grade plutonium from an unguarded United States military base seven miles from the Canadian border, when suddenly and without warning, his skin began to ripple and expand. It was a scene out of the Matrix, his eyes bugging out and an audible “yelping” sound coursing through his mutating countenance. Most of the delegates reacted to this by screaming, crying, and running for the nearest exit. Several stayed in their seats, believing that this was some kind of prank.

When asked how Mr. Bush is feeling, several top presidential aides report that he is “fine, but still a mutant alien.” The genetic mutations haven’t caused any physical duress, but President Bush is now said to “hear voices” instructing him to build a giant satellite transmitter, and to broadcast a sine wave pulse at Proxima Centauri. Details are sketchy, but doctors admit that the mutation was triggered by a virus, seemingly of extraterrestrial origin. The virus has been dubbed “W-391” and is currently being studied at the Holdings Genetic Institute of Illinois. A preliminary report shows that instead of Adenine, Thymine, Cytosine, and Guanine, the base pair sequence of W-391 is composed of 27 silicon-based and one fluorine-based nucleotides.

Thus far, no other infections of W-391 have been found in any of the President’s staff. As Acting President, Dick Cheney held a press briefing in which he described the President as being in “stable but critical condition.”

“As my good friend Donald Rumsfeld likes to say, there are ‘knowns’ and there are ‘unknowns’. What we know is that President Bush was infected with an alien virus. That’s a ‘known known.’ But then, we don’t know how he got infected, but we know he got infected, so that’s an ‘unknown known.’ We also don’t know where the virus came from or if the President will change back, so we’ve got our ‘unknown unknown’ right there. But what we do know is that the President’s plan to build a transmitter and send a sine pulse to Proxima Centauri is something we must do, but we don’t know why, so that’s what we call a ‘known unknown.’ I hope that cleared up any questions you might have.”


Processing 31×100 Robo-Comments:

Blogger Bhakti gesticulated...

I believe he was born with this virus but the side-effects are just starting to show.

12/06/2005 12:21 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Doctors are still working on it. But one thing's for sure- I updated the blog so that when you click on the Roboshrub in the sidebar, it spews out a random slogan. With over 400, you'll never get bored!

12/06/2005 12:33 PM  
Blogger Roboshrub Incorporated gesticulated...

The derivative of sine is cosine. The integral of sine is -cosine.

The derivative of love is enjoyment. The integral of love is -enjoyment, otherwise known as pain.

Therefore, it is my assertion that Bush's mutation has reversed his diplomatic policies. We are to send love to Proxima Centura, as any extra-terrestrials with that kind of technology clearly think in Calculus, as opposed to our human languages.

12/06/2005 5:24 PM  
Blogger Bhakti gesticulated...

I agree...the opposite of sign is to leave blank, therefore forfeiting any hope of collecting on the check. But then, the integral of life is chocolate, unless you're a robot, whereupon the integral becomes a tree that spouts really cool slogans.

Nice job GYROBO!!

12/06/2005 5:37 PM  
Blogger Bhakti gesticulated...

Hey...I got the CHECK IT OUT!!! slogan and that's my catch phrase. How cool is that???? Check it out!

12/06/2005 5:39 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

"CHECK IT OUT!!" is slogan #387, but keep in mind that the counter starts at zero.

I meant to do something like that for a long time. It works when you right-click, too.

12/06/2005 8:20 PM  
Blogger Roboshrub Incorporated gesticulated...

Maybe now I can shed my avatar. I don't like it; It makes me look fat.

12/06/2005 8:22 PM  
Blogger Friends of McDougal gesticulated...

Something's BAD WRONG with you, motherfucker.

I'm linkin' your shit RIGHT NOW.

Dude, be careful comin' this way ... err ... that is unless you LOVE crystal meth.

12/06/2005 9:11 PM  
Blogger Cabe gesticulated...

As long as that mofo mcdougal stays away from me.

12/06/2005 9:21 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

YES! With McDougal on our side, we shall be UNSTOPABLE!

And not like in the movies. This is real.

Wait, Roboshrub, are you going to make another avatar? 'Cause if you do, make sure not to include spirals again. You know how THAT turned out last time...

12/06/2005 9:22 PM  
Blogger Calzone gesticulated...

Dude..whats up with this owning a dragon shit? I mean satire is satire but lets keep it real.

12/06/2005 9:47 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Keepin' it real is what I do best.

And I assure you, the dragons I'm talking about are the non-sentient New England Drakes. They are to you what spider monkeys are to humans.

12/06/2005 9:50 PM  
Blogger Calzone gesticulated...

Cool man...carry on.

12/06/2005 10:00 PM  
Blogger Monkey gesticulated...

What the hell?? Why is it that everytime someone wants to make a disparaging comment they use Monkeys as the comparison point?

Frickem, frackem, fook.

12/06/2005 10:10 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

I didn't disparage all monkeys... just spider monkeys, for they are mocked by all, including other monkeys.

12/06/2005 10:21 PM  
Blogger Monkey gesticulated...

You know... you speak the truth. Forget my fece fueled rant. I go off at times.

12/06/2005 10:32 PM  
Blogger Roboshrub Incorporated gesticulated...

Gyrobo's freedom of speech under the constitution guarentees him the right to complain about dragon laws and regulations. Don't question it.

Also, I laugh at Spider Monkeys quite frequently.

12/06/2005 10:43 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Oh, Roboshrub! You're incorrigible!

12/06/2005 10:55 PM  
Blogger Bhakti gesticulated...

Gyrobo--I have been banished from CABE's site because I made the mere observation that Pat Buchanan is a bigot. I didn't say it to be snide...I've just followed his career for a long time because I was ultra-obsessed with Nixon. My point? You're not getting the whole story on the comments on his latest post. He's deleted 4 of my comments so far. So much for freedom and liberty. God forbid you don't like someone in his 'party'.

The thing that is really sad is that we (everyone commenting, including my good friend Mahndisa) were having a great game of chess regarding that post. Perhaps Cabe doesn't know that when playing chess you can't just discard the pieces you don't like. But then again, I suppose the Freedom of Speech clause allows him to delete whatever he wants from his blog.
Disinformation is abuse of power.

Speaking of Pat Buchanan, are you aware that the swastika used by the Nazis was (and still is) an ancient Hindu symbol that represents the sun? It's still used in religious services in Hindu temples.

12/06/2005 11:12 PM  
Blogger Bhakti gesticulated...

Did I just VENT on your blog?? Sorry little metal guy! Here's a joke to get everyone back in the mood:

Confucius says:
Butcher who backs into meat grinder get a little behind in his orders.

12/06/2005 11:37 PM  
Blogger Cabe gesticulated...

Wow I got bitched at on another blog. Sorry Gyrobo.

12/07/2005 12:18 AM  
Blogger Bhakti gesticulated...

I believe you are apologizing to the wrong person. I didn't delete your comments even though I don't believe in what your flag stands for.

Anyway, bygones. The important thing is:

Confucius says:
A house without a toilet is uncanny.

12/07/2005 12:28 AM  
Blogger Bhakti gesticulated...

Now, I'm off to bed. However, I leave you with this beautiful tidbit of information:

Confucius says:
Man who eat cracker in bed has crummy sleep.

Good nite and sweet dreams to everyone, including Cabe and Pat B.

12/07/2005 12:30 AM  
Blogger Roboshrub Incorporated gesticulated...

Actually, I stopped posting on Cabe's blog a while ago.

Roboshrub Inc. is not a political blog, it's for pro-robot activism.

We just made outlandish posts on political blogs to increase our traffic, back before we knew of Fakiegrind and Jaibhakti.

Moreover, I do try not to mention politics at all, but Cabe, you do have a bit of a record as a liberal-basher. Not that that's wrong, but it does get you "bitched at," as you put it. Liberals are people too, and you CAN be a patriot and a productive part of your country without agreeing with the administration.

Personally, I believe that there is always a need for balance between political views. Without any conservatives, we'd probably wind up with a near-socialist government and the economy would crash for lack of industry. Without any liberals, we'd wind up with a corporatocracy and the economy would crash.

Anyway, it's important in divisive times like these to remember that it doesn't matter, as AIDs will destroy humanity anyway. Vote Robot!

12/07/2005 12:31 AM  
Anonymous Pat Buchanan gesticulated...

Come on, kids. Stop fighting. I don't use words as weapons, so stop the war over the words.

Cabe and Bhakti...I beseach you to remember that we are all one under God. So, LOVE ONE ANOTHER. I mean, really. Have either of you ever met me? No. But, it's obvious that you two have some kind of cool thingy going on with regards to your blogs. Patch things up and make America the proud place it ought to be! A unity of purple for you and me!

Remember, the proof is in the purple mountain's majesty!

Now I think I'll go have some pie and read some Confucius.

Confucius say:
Man who live in glass house should get dressed in the basement.

12/07/2005 12:38 AM  
Blogger Bhakti gesticulated...

First of all, I'm not a 'liberal', nor am I a conservative. I happen to use my own brain which would make me a Bhakti.

Roboshrub, thank you for your lovely comment.

It's one thing to love Pat Buchanan, it's another to delete comments that oppose his points of view. After all, CABE, you were the one who asked me what Buchanan ever said that was racist or wrong.
He's a supremecist and he admits it through his actions and quotes. Most supremecists I know of are called 'bigots'. I'm not being snide, I'm just calling it how I see it.

Anyway, I will remember to vote Robot in the next election, unless the Zombie Slayer is running--I've already promised him my vote (he's an independent, too). You should run together!

BTW...Jaibhakti was a non-political site until stan and cabe started visiting. I don't mind if they visit, but my site is obviously about uplifting ourselves and each other in order to better the world, rather than destroying our enemies (our enemies are ourselves disguised, anyway). We're all transient: the only thing that lives on is the Self, the soul.

Remember, Confucius says:
War does not decide who is right. It decides who is left.

May we all still be 'left' (alive) by the time the next election takes place.

Peace out...and BTW, I LOVE The Crystal Method (DJ duo), however, I don't think that's what the cats above were referring to!!

12/07/2005 12:45 AM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Wow, that's a lot of comments. Well, not really, considering all the other, more popular blogs out there.

12/07/2005 8:55 AM  
Blogger L>T gesticulated...

Roboshrub, you are so funny i won't even try. If you keep this up you just might pass me up. I will have to think of something quick. I haven't tried naked pictures yet.
bhaki, love the confuciusisms.
Politics, yuck!!

12/07/2005 9:57 AM  
Blogger Bhakti gesticulated...

re: Wow, that's a lot of comments. Well, not really, considering all the other, more popular blogs out there.

Roboshrub Inc. and Fakiegrind (as well as Miladysa and Zombie Slayer) SHOULD be the most popular sites out there! I think they're amongst the coolest!!

12/07/2005 11:30 AM  
Blogger Bhakti gesticulated...

Yes...at least a thousand emails are saved. One of my teachers (meditation/spiritual/philosophical) lives far away and we only communicate via email. There's little morsals of wisdom within each correspondence!

Hhmmm...I get my fair share of spam. The latest one was the most interesting. Apparently, I actually won 1.2 million dollars from a Nigerian bank that has a yahoo email account!! Wow, that sounded believable, no??? I was bored so played along with the charade (giving ficticious personal info, of course) and sent all corresponding emails to some fraud bureau that was looking for info on these fraudulenteers (that's a cool word I think I just made up!!). I found the fraud bureau on Google.

12/07/2005 11:35 AM  
Blogger Bhakti gesticulated...

I spelled 'morsels' wrong. I knew I was spelling it wrong when I typed it, but was too lazy to go to dictionary.com.

12/07/2005 11:39 AM