The McTriple really pushed us over the top.
Zero Calorie Shoes are the best in weight-loss footwear. West of the Mississippi, south of the Sahara, you can look all over the world for a better bipedal covering, and come up empty. Yes, we know what you’re thinking: “What’s the catch?” The catch, prospective customer, is that for every pound you lose, Roboshrub Inc. receives a variable stipend from the United Nations’ Obesity Prevention Department. What began as an international effort to curtail the ballooning obesity rates is now a very lucrative multi-quintillion dollar industry. As the sole legally recognized monopoly, Roboshrub Incorporated is entrusted with the production of Product #0273-40j (Zero Calorie Shoes). But how do the shoes work?
Original weight: 410 lbs.
The instructions for operating what was once dubbed “The Product That Has No Number” is so simple that a severely brain-damaged circus bear with one paw and a belly full of dynamite could perform it. Simply attach the shoes to your feet. Then, while wearing the Zero Calorie Shoes, walk. Walk until the microscale (which has a vocal modulation chip, don’t you know) informs you that your weight has reached nominal blubbertude. Do not eat or drink or ingest sawdust while using this product. Results may vary.