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Ten thousand years of Roboshrub.

Fangs for the memories.

In today’s state, Roboshrub Incorporated is an entity entirely devoted
to the execution of what normal people would refer to as “bad ideas.”

It was the creator’s original idea that all concepts, whether
useful or not, contribute to the global subconscious level of progress
for the human race. Therefore, we contend that no idea is an unfit
idea, and vow to act on each and every one of them.

Roboshrub Inc.
Public Communications Department

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Product #0273-40j “Zero Calorie Shoes”

According to the American Obesity Association, roughly two thirds of the American people are overweight. And about a third of Americans are truly obese. Obesity and fatness in general leads to a host of “body breakdowns,” such as heart failure. The fact that so many people will undergo these breakdowns merely compounds the crisis. Faced with such a major long-term health crunch, Roboshrub Inc. aims to fix this problem with our newest and most cheaply made product, Zero Calorie Shoes.

The McTriple really pushed us over the top.

Zero Calorie Shoes are the best in weight-loss footwear. West of the Mississippi, south of the Sahara, you can look all over the world for a better bipedal covering, and come up empty. Yes, we know what you’re thinking: “What’s the catch?” The catch, prospective customer, is that for every pound you lose, Roboshrub Inc. receives a variable stipend from the United Nations’ Obesity Prevention Department. What began as an international effort to curtail the ballooning obesity rates is now a very lucrative multi-quintillion dollar industry. As the sole legally recognized monopoly, Roboshrub Incorporated is entrusted with the production of Product #0273-40j (Zero Calorie Shoes). But how do the shoes work?

Original weight: 410 lbs.

The instructions for operating what was once dubbed “The Product That Has No Number” is so simple that a severely brain-damaged circus bear with one paw and a belly full of dynamite could perform it. Simply attach the shoes to your feet. Then, while wearing the Zero Calorie Shoes, walk. Walk until the microscale (which has a vocal modulation chip, don’t you know) informs you that your weight has reached nominal blubbertude. Do not eat or drink or ingest sawdust while using this product. Results may vary.

Processing 16×100 Robo-Comments:

Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

It sure was.

2/09/2006 6:02 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Whoa! My comment preceeded yours, and you commented first!

2/09/2006 6:03 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...


2/09/2006 6:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous gesticulated...

well, that was interesting...


2/09/2006 6:03 PM  
Blogger Calzone gesticulated...

You robots obviously worship Satan

2/09/2006 7:46 PM  
Blogger L>T gesticulated...

dO they give you the 'runs' like those zero calorie potato chips?

That's pretty funny, don't ya know. (just watched FARGO)

2/09/2006 9:00 PM  
Blogger Lee Ann gesticulated...

I just got new shoes...although, I don't think they are Zero calorie! In fact, they are probably many calories as they are quite heavy...they are bootlike shoes. I guess I won't be eating them.

2/09/2006 9:55 PM  
Blogger Wilkes Booth gesticulated...

There is a large vat of toxins missing from the sludge room at ZU. You didn't happen to take it to put on those shoes, did you? And Calzone, I still need to get data on that chemical you ate. Stop by later today. Thanks

2/09/2006 11:24 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Zero Calorie shoes won't give you the runs, they'll give you a run for your money.

Shoes were made to be eaten.

2/10/2006 8:35 AM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator gesticulated...

These things are awesome.

Sort of.

2/10/2006 11:13 AM  
Blogger Private Hudson gesticulated...

These boots were made for eatin' and that's what I'll do, one of these days these boots are gonna something something you.

2/10/2006 11:14 AM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

I was going to say a similar thingey, but decided against it.

2/10/2006 1:31 PM  
Blogger The Taker of Gist gesticulated...

Nobody can stop the Taker of Gist from Taking Gist. So don't even try. I'm real, and I aims to be the best Taker ever. So there.

2/10/2006 2:12 PM  
Blogger Queen Galacta gesticulated...

Is it zero calories like celery? A space queen has to watch her weight, you know.

2/10/2006 3:42 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

The zero calories refers to the calories derived from the shoes themselves.

2/10/2006 3:46 PM  
Blogger Patricia Geraghty gesticulated...

These shoes are positively hideous. You might as well just call them "Zero Dating Shoes" and get it over with.

2/13/2006 9:01 AM