Do you really want the government to know what movies you see?
We’ve all heard the motivational speakers and futurologists looking forward, talking about the paperless office. “A paperless office will make employees more productive,” they say. You know what we say? It’s all a pack of lies, a distortion to hide the truth from the general public. The truth of the matter is that the paperless office was never a feasible idea. There were too many complicated factors. For example, in one early experiment a paperless printer merged with a scanner, creating the world’s first all-in-one machine. By adding Java source code, it grew opposable thumbs and won two Grammies, as well as an Oscar for its role as Jammed Printer #2 in the underground hit, “Office Space.”
It even did its own stunts. How many actors can say that?
Years of stagnation and underfunding doomed the paperless office, but we knew a diamond in the ruff when we saw one. Our customers demanded privacy of the sharpest degree, the highest caliber, the roast beef sandwich. And to that end, we devoted the full resources available to us at the time: a wing and a prayer. Using these two components, Roboshrub Incorporated has managed to compress a bubble of pocket space, similar to the zero-point model pioneered by Product #5338-54b (Permanent Paper Clip). No matter what information you need to keep out of human hands, you will be secure in the knowledge that you’re using a Roboshrub Inc. quality product, designed with your needs in mind. Refunds are guaranteed since we keep extensive records about who purchased this product and why it was purchased, as well as the customer’s psych evaluation and shoe size. Not for indoor use.