How will you clean up in time?!
You collapse onto an ergonomically-correct armchair, realizing far too late that you severely reduced the resell value of your most expensive piece of furniture by covering it in whatever it was that is currently adhered to your pants and shirt. There’s no way you can show up for work like this. Not only that, but your boss told you that if you exceeded your vacation/sick day limit again, you’d be fired! Regretting your decision to fly out to Disneyland last week, you pull out today’s paper (which you swiped from your neighbors before you dragged yourself in, you slob). A glance through the classified section yields nothing. At least, nothing that would generate the income necessary for the standard of living to which you’ve become accustomed. The nadir hits. All seems lost. You’re ready to cut off one your own fingers just to come up with a legitimate medical excuse. Then... lightning strikes. You jerk your head around. Running on pure adrenaline, you pry open the medicine cabinet and pull out the only thing that can save your career: Skin-B-Gone Body Spray.
Good thing it works instantly!
Roboshrub Inc. operates under the motto “stuff happens”. Actually, it’s sort of a quasi-religious mantra around here. We even have a cult that routinely sacrifices underachieving employees to Facesso, the robot god of quality. So when our focus groups clamored for something that would get rid of bad odors, we took it to its logical extreme. Bad odor is caused by bacteria that live on human flesh, and in most fabrics. Therefore, the only way to eliminate odor is to destroy all matter capable of sustaining microbial life. It took countless years of half-disintegrated test subjects (mostly mice and men), but we finally created a marketable product. Apply the spray directly to skin. Side effects will include a violent and painful death.