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Ten thousand years of Roboshrub.

Fangs for the memories.

In today’s state, Roboshrub Incorporated is an entity entirely devoted
to the execution of what normal people would refer to as “bad ideas.”

It was the creator’s original idea that all concepts, whether
useful or not, contribute to the global subconscious level of progress
for the human race. Therefore, we contend that no idea is an unfit
idea, and vow to act on each and every one of them.

Roboshrub Inc.
Public Communications Department

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For your insolence, I condemn you to...

Suffer the Fate of a Thousand Bees!
(Before they go extinct)

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The Curse of Robobeard the Pirate

Off the coast of ol' Cape Fear,
a ghostly ship drifts ever near;
Its mast is cracked, its sails are tattered,
its hull is warped and its compass shattered.

The Leitin once sailed all day and night,
a worldly bringer of peace and light.
When it was new, it was a jewel,
drawing in the best sailors from sailing school.

But though the ship braved foreign lands,
from arctic ice to desert sands,
and though it was the best in show,
the crew of this poor ship would know
the Curse of Robobeard the Pirate.

One foggy day, and without warning,
the ship of Robobeard came calling.
He boarded the Leitin, he slaughtered the crew,
he boiled Captain Brown in molten glue.

But why all the fighting? Why all the fuss?
Why did Robobeard do all this stuff?
"The Leitin has cargo", the old pirate purred,
"so open those crates up, you hired-goon curs!"

Inside the cargo, the pirate king found
quite to his displeasure a crate-load of round,
bulbous vegetables from Spain called "Robo-plantanes".
"That's all that was here?!" the pirate complained.

What happened next still confounds all the scholars,
for at that moment, Robobeard hollered,
"Argh! My brain! Those Robo-plantanes-
the signal they're sending is causing me pain!"

"Shut them off! Turn it down! I'm startin' to drown!"
But the Robo-plantanes, to avenge Captain Brown,
were sending off magical magnetic pulse-beams,
scrambling Robobeard's sentient thought-screens.

A great cloud of light enveloped the Leitin,
and a roar let out as the air itself tightened.
The sea turned to ice, the sky to ink,
the color blue to electric pink.

There were some shouts and screams, and as the smoke cleared,
the Leitin's slaughtered crew appeared!
They descended on the buccaneers,
and ate them all, sans Robobeard.

Imbued with the brains of the Robo-plantanes,
the ghostly crew henceforth ordained
that Robobeard would never leave
the web of doom he helped conceive,
the Curse of Robobeard the Pirate.

And so for ages soon and yore,
the Leitin sails from shore to shore
with Captain Robobeard astern,
forced to sweep the brimey churn.

The undead sailors and haunted ship
glide through the waters like a ghostly whip.
'Round and 'round the vessel tears,
off the coast of ol' Cape Fear,
the Curse of Robobeard the Pirate.


Processing 12×100 Robo-Comments:

Blogger L>T gesticulated...

Ah, make the most of what we yet may spend,
Before we too unto dust descend;
Dust unto Dust, and under Dust to lie,
Sans wine, sans song, sans singer, and-sans end! (Omar [the great] Khayyam)
Nice epic roboshrub. Always love the sans.

12/02/2005 11:54 PM  
Blogger flatlander gesticulated...

All the critics agree, Roboshrub Inc.'s, "Curse of Robobeard" is,

"As chilling a tale of seafearing treachery and robotic vegetation as ever blogdom has known!"

-Seattle Blog Review

"Better, by far, than "The Fog" (the remake). "


"Made me weep for joy."


12/03/2005 12:10 PM  
Blogger Cabe gesticulated...

Revenge of Cabe:

There's an ol' dusty scroll,
where no one will go,
But the mighty man named Cabe.
Left for dead he awaked, to a shocking escape, someone whisked him away from his ship and the bay to a place called San Antone.
Why he's there no one knows? Except for the man he calls....Gyrobo. They fought through the night, all bloody and smeared. Till' finally Cabe killed the Curse..... of Robobeard!

12/03/2005 3:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous gesticulated...

There was a man who went to Venus, his name was Gyrobo and he had a very small


12/03/2005 3:35 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

I may have single-handedly rivived the lost art of poetry.

Or limerickism.

Anyway, this may not be poetry, but it sure is funny.

12/03/2005 9:12 PM  
Blogger Bhakti gesticulated...


Now for my post:

"The Curse of Robobeard, it will never end!"

Cried a little boy to his even smaller friend.

"We must go to the ship!"--they gathered all the strength they could muster.

"I think we need to call in the troops-hey, isn't your dad friends with the Endtime Adjuster??"

"No, no," his friend replied, "Don't be a such a regular dodo!

My father's best friend is the the friendly robot, Gyrobo!"

The boys set out to the Roboshrub shack,

To make a game plan and organize the attack.

"But, who are we fighting?" the boy asked his friend.

"It doesn't matter, man-- we're Republican!"

"Uh oh, you shouldn't have SAID that!" little shorty replied

as the boy took an arrow right between the eyes.

"This fighting is futile...and at what cost?

Robobeard was never cursed, you were just watching a repeat of LOST!!!"

12/03/2005 9:53 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Stale cookies are never delicious.

12/03/2005 10:39 PM  
Blogger Bhakti gesticulated...

Stale cookies taste like cookies that have been out of their wrapper for too long.

12/03/2005 11:30 PM  
Blogger L>T gesticulated...

BTW< have not got the pic. Of Gigantor, yet. But I will!

12/04/2005 10:55 AM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Is this Gigantor?

12/04/2005 12:21 PM  
Blogger Roboshrub Incorporated gesticulated...

What? I finally found a copy of Pinnochio in Space! On that website!

I was heartbroken when my copy got taped over!

12/04/2005 12:45 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Just doing my part, citizen.

12/04/2005 1:57 PM