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Ten thousand years of Roboshrub.

Fangs for the memories.




In today’s state, Roboshrub Incorporated is an entity entirely devoted
to the execution of what normal people would refer to as “bad ideas.”

It was the creator’s original idea that all concepts, whether
useful or not, contribute to the global subconscious level of progress
for the human race. Therefore, we contend that no idea is an unfit
idea, and vow to act on each and every one of them.

Roboshrub Inc.
Public Communications Department






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For your insolence, I condemn you to...

Suffer the Fate of a Thousand Bees!
(Before they go extinct)

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5.08.2006

The Second Derivative

“X to the second power doesn’t exist,” the judge bellowed at the top of his lungs. “There is no such thing as an exponent!”

This immediately caused an uproar amongst the jurors. One man had to be escorted from the courtroom after he stood up and began reciting the quadratic formula from memory. “You’ll never silence us, Judge! We’re the plurality!” announced the man as the bailiff dragged him away.

“I won’t have such talk in my court, young man. Take your evil postulates outside.”


See the fire in his eyes? That’s justice.

Banging his gavel slowly, the old man’s eyes beamed with the venerated glow of righteousness. You won’t make a fool out of me in this place, thought the judge to himself. It had been many a decade since Judge Ante Agoniste had been challenged in such a manner.

“Continue, Mrs. Modren.”

“Yes, judge?”

“Tell the court who you saw last Friday calculating the area under a curve.”

“Yes, yes. It was... him!” she jerked her gnarled hand out in an awkward manner until it moved in the general vicinity of Prote Agoniste.


An accusation or an interpolation? You be the judge.

“Let the record show that the witness pointed directly at Mr. Agoniste,” said the judge blandly to the court stenographer. “Also, add in a line about my new haircut.”

“Yes, judge,” clicked the stenographer, typing away with the speed of a jackrabbit on a jackhammer inside a Jack-in-the-Box.

“Okay, I think we’ve got everything we need here. We’ve got a witness, a plaintiff, a defendant, and some me, the judge. So I’m just gonna declare you guilty and get us all home early.”

“But, Ante!” cried Prote Agoniste. “You’re my brother-”

“In law. Never forget that, Prote.”

“But you know I didn’t do no math! I was with you, throwing cats into the river, Ante! We both know it was-”

“Bailiff, hit that man in the head repeatedly!”

Judge Agoniste smirked as Prote was driven away to jail forever. “Now I can drown cats without any witnesses,” he mused. “Ha! And who’s going to stop me?!” He then sat down, realizing he had screamed the whole thing to a packed courtroom. Fortunately, he managed to make everyone forget what they just heard by using his Vaudeville ventriloquism act.


You can barely see his lips move.

Ten years later a prison train carrying Prote Agoniste collided with Judge Ante Agoniste’s car. As they were polar opposites, they fused into one person. Then the story was forced to end, because there was neither a Prote Agoniste or an Ante Agoniste.

Processing 26×100 Robo-Comments:

Blogger Bathroom Hippo gesticulated...



I told that same story after jackhammering Bill Goldberg.

5/08/2006 3:01 PM  
Blogger angel, jr. gesticulated...

Interesting, interesting.
Have you talked to "Lifetime Television For Women" about doing this story starring Connie Seleca or Meredith Baxter Birney?

5/08/2006 3:08 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Both calls were rejected.

5/08/2006 3:11 PM  
Blogger flatlander gesticulated...

More mad ravings. Reminds me of the time I was (wrongfully) arrested for hanging a man from a hypotenuse.

I said, "I've been framed!"

The police said, "No, squared."

5/08/2006 4:40 PM  
Blogger The Snapster gesticulated...

Hey, this was a Court TV special, right?

5/08/2006 6:35 PM  
Anonymous Rich gesticulated...

Strangely enough I was a witness in a cat drowning case. By 'case' I mean I was drinking a case of beer and watching cats drown. Of course, by 'cats' I mean men, women and children of varied ethnic backgrounds. It was during the great New York floods of 1913 and boy didn't the Irish cop it that week. Definately a party to remember. A little under catered on the finger foods though.

I don't remember there being a train accident resulting in bodily fusion though. I was pretty drunk.

5/08/2006 7:29 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

I've been squared, cubed, moduloed, differentiated, the list goes on and on.

5/08/2006 8:31 PM  
Blogger Lee Ann gesticulated...

I think the algorithm is all wrong!

5/09/2006 2:16 PM  
Blogger Rick Anonymi gesticulated...

So did the Judge. That's why he's large and in charge.

...

I'm putting you all under arrest for conspiracy to commit math.

5/09/2006 2:38 PM  
Blogger The Taker of Gist gesticulated...

I think I met Judge Antagoniste back in the 60s. He was only an appelate clerk, but he taught me the gentle art of rock 'n' roll.

5/09/2006 5:44 PM  
Blogger Local Henchmen 432 gesticulated...

To Karl "The Sorcerer" Uberdale,

We at the "Local 432" thank you for giving your golems dental,however they are not getting the 1 hour for lunch.Dental for all.


Dr.Polaris rules.

5/09/2006 10:07 PM  
Blogger L>T gesticulated...

Speaking of math;
3481 to 2736. Do the math, robo.

So I have to post pictures of my 1/2 naked chidren. I'll do whatever it takes! muahaha, etc...

5,000 here we come.

5/10/2006 1:34 AM  
Blogger Karl the Sorcerer gesticulated...

An hour?! They all bring their lunches to work. A half hour is more than enough.

5/10/2006 8:48 AM  
Blogger ticharu gesticulated...

No I didn't, see, I knew I didn't and now we both know for sure, but since I'm here now, maybe what was true moments ago is no longer true and I did like I am now or then again, maybe not...

5/10/2006 10:53 AM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator gesticulated...

THAT IS MY DELICIOUS PENCIL AND I LOVE IT DEARLY!

5/10/2006 3:15 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

I enjoy a psychological dramatical like that.

5/10/2006 6:30 PM  
Blogger L>T gesticulated...

Yer all crazy over here, but I luv ya!!!

I deleted the 1/2 naked chidren but...I'm puttn them back.

5/10/2006 8:09 PM  
Blogger Rick Anonymi gesticulated...

Whither withered, Mister Smithers?
Thither, hither, twist an' shiver?

5/10/2006 11:57 PM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator gesticulated...

Leave your comment

You can use some HTML tags, such as b, i, a

5/11/2006 6:41 PM  
Anonymous Rich gesticulated...

My suspicion is that J to the IG may have plagiarised that from somewhere, sounds kind of familiar. It's gotta be Macbeth or one of those Rap type fellas girlfriends.

5/11/2006 9:56 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

I think I shall enjoy the use of the bold, italic, and link tags.

5/11/2006 10:11 PM  
Blogger L>T gesticulated...

If i ever decided to worship anything, I'd give you an interveiw, that's for sure.

Like, What kind of afterlife do you offer?

19 new bloggers have run over to my site since yesterday, interesting.

5/12/2006 10:42 AM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator gesticulated...

Plagarized? Moi?

5/12/2006 5:03 PM  
Blogger Lee Ann gesticulated...

word ver: toadr

5/12/2006 11:06 PM  
Anonymous rich gesticulated...

Sorry, my mistake. I didn't mean to sully your distinguished reputation or fake french accent.

5/14/2006 9:07 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

That accent was never proven.

5/14/2006 10:35 PM