“Master, the walls are starting to buckle!”
You turn and glare at your minion. All the planning, all the money spent on expensive machinery, all the senators bribed, all for naught. Your dreams of world domination are dashed like so many of your “guests” on the rocks far below your evil fortress. As the uniformed forces of an unspecific country march forward, bent on eliminating the threat your pseudo-mad science poses, you have one option: escape.
“Fool! You’ve indirectly led them right to us, sort of!”
Many of our clients have overt designs on world control, either by cornering the stock market, seizing control of the moon, or starting false religions (most notably the First Church of Tax Exempt Status). If the James Bond movies of the 1960s have taught us anything, it’s that all these “get rich quick, stick a needle in your eye” schemes are doomed to failure. And if there’s one thing Roboshrub Inc. is good at, it’s making failure look like anti-failure (in Canada and parts of Oregon, anti-failure is called “fishscope” and retails for $80 per kilogram).
The only way to evade capture after one’s ingenious plan fails is to use an escape pod, so we started out with a basic open-source Lancaster 3400C all-purpose expulsion vehicle. We stripped it down to its core operating system and rebuilt it from scratch. Our top concern during the redesign process was making the pod more stylish, which is why the blast hatch is now retractable, allowing the occupant to experience supersonic flight unfettered by bulky windows. By increasing the girth of the propulsion engines and removing the cup holder, we managed to make the device over 60% more fuel-efficient. This forward-thinking engine rebuild earned us a Chuck Norris approval tag, which we cannot display due to legal issues involving a porpoise and three buckets of house paint.
It’s more than just an escape pod. It’s a Chuck Norris approved escape pod.
You turn and glare at your minion. All the planning, all the money spent on expensive machinery, all the senators bribed, all for naught. Your dreams of world domination are dashed like so many of your “guests” on the rocks far below your evil fortress. As the uniformed forces of an unspecific country march forward, bent on eliminating the threat your pseudo-mad science poses, you have one option: escape.
“Fool! You’ve indirectly led them right to us, sort of!”
Many of our clients have overt designs on world control, either by cornering the stock market, seizing control of the moon, or starting false religions (most notably the First Church of Tax Exempt Status). If the James Bond movies of the 1960s have taught us anything, it’s that all these “get rich quick, stick a needle in your eye” schemes are doomed to failure. And if there’s one thing Roboshrub Inc. is good at, it’s making failure look like anti-failure (in Canada and parts of Oregon, anti-failure is called “fishscope” and retails for $80 per kilogram).
The only way to evade capture after one’s ingenious plan fails is to use an escape pod, so we started out with a basic open-source Lancaster 3400C all-purpose expulsion vehicle. We stripped it down to its core operating system and rebuilt it from scratch. Our top concern during the redesign process was making the pod more stylish, which is why the blast hatch is now retractable, allowing the occupant to experience supersonic flight unfettered by bulky windows. By increasing the girth of the propulsion engines and removing the cup holder, we managed to make the device over 60% more fuel-efficient. This forward-thinking engine rebuild earned us a Chuck Norris approval tag, which we cannot display due to legal issues involving a porpoise and three buckets of house paint.
It’s more than just an escape pod. It’s a Chuck Norris approved escape pod.
Also, I think I should tell you: I found out why everyone was saying the text was small. Apparently, there was a problem when I was making the captions for the timages on that last post, and it made everything look small on Internet Explorer. I went back and fixed it.
See! I'm not crazy, I'm not!
Any way, I like that convertable escape pod, I think I'll buy one and crash it into hippies.
Does this escape pod come free with several DVD seasons of Walker, Texas Ranger?
How did Star Jones lose all that weight?
Because Chuck Norris beat the hell out of her.
I think Chuck Norris is part of the First Church of the Tax-Exept Status. When he mails back his tax return, he has the blank papers and a picture of him ready to attack. He's never payed taxes, ever!
Oh, my capital will begin being poured into you again, ANOTHER PRODUCT! Finall!
We at Roboshrub Inc. feel that flooding the market with unreliable products contributes to natural deselection.
Uncompromising!
Aha, I was wondering why I was sneezing near mine.
When I hit the speed of light, with the canopy down, will my X-ray high beams start to illuminate the past so I can find out, definitively, who shot J.R.?
"Chuck Norris created the Earth in 5 days, then created God on the 6th. On the 7th day Chuck worked on his abs."
When approaching the speed of light, it's best to apply some of our Skin-B-Gone Body Spray so as to prevent damage to your epidermis.
Chuck Norris created Roboshrub Inc.
I was fine with the whole story until you started with all that blah, blah, work'n on the engine, supersonic propulsion rebuilding, testosrone crap. Have a couple of beers & get over it.
Where's the romance? The happy ending?
There was no happy ending. All the test subjects were vaporized by the intake. Poor wuddlers, eh, Gunter?
"Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure."