You turn and glare at your minion. All the planning, all the money spent on expensive machinery, all the senators bribed, all for naught. Your dreams of world domination are dashed like so many of your “guests” on the rocks far below your evil fortress. As the uniformed forces of an unspecific country march forward, bent on eliminating the threat your pseudo-mad science poses, you have one option: escape.
“Fool! You’ve indirectly led them right to us, sort of!”
Many of our clients have overt designs on world control, either by cornering the stock market, seizing control of the moon, or starting false religions (most notably the First Church of Tax Exempt Status). If the James Bond movies of the 1960s have taught us anything, it’s that all these “get rich quick, stick a needle in your eye” schemes are doomed to failure. And if there’s one thing Roboshrub Inc. is good at, it’s making failure look like anti-failure (in Canada and parts of Oregon, anti-failure is called “fishscope” and retails for $80 per kilogram).
The only way to evade capture after one’s ingenious plan fails is to use an escape pod, so we started out with a basic open-source Lancaster 3400C all-purpose expulsion vehicle. We stripped it down to its core operating system and rebuilt it from scratch. Our top concern during the redesign process was making the pod more stylish, which is why the blast hatch is now retractable, allowing the occupant to experience supersonic flight unfettered by bulky windows. By increasing the girth of the propulsion engines and removing the cup holder, we managed to make the device over 60% more fuel-efficient. This forward-thinking engine rebuild earned us a Chuck Norris approval tag, which we cannot display due to legal issues involving a porpoise and three buckets of house paint.
It’s more than just an escape pod. It’s a Chuck Norris approved escape pod.