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In today’s state, Roboshrub Incorporated is an entity entirely devoted
to the execution of what normal people would refer to as “bad ideas.”

It was the creator’s original idea that all concepts, whether
useful or not, contribute to the global subconscious level of progress
for the human race. Therefore, we contend that no idea is an unfit
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For your insolence, I condemn you to...

Suffer the Fate of a Thousand Bees!
(Before they go extinct)

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5.13.2006

The Day The Scones Fought Back- Chapter 5

“Tom deLay... I thought I’d never see you in the halls of Congress again,” said Senator Ninja to his old sensei. The two of them had had a bit of a dispute over who was taller back in the first grade, and a bitter rivalry had developed around it. But now that Tom deLay was no longer in Congress, the healing could begin.


Like most former Congressmen, Tom deLay has devolved into toon-form.

“I sure sneaked up on ya, didn’t I?” giggled deLay as Senator Ninja put away his embossed katana. “Anyway, I heard you talking to Dick Cheney and-”

“Yes, deLay, I was talking to Dick Cheney. Because I’m a Congressman, and you’re not. Follow the logic, deLame,” he laughed, hitting deLay upside the head. Tom didn’t find this amusing, and pulled a small piece of paper out of Senator Ninja’s back pocket.

“So, Cheney gave you one of his invisible ink messages, did he? Well, nuts to you. I don’t need to help you, you know. I’m retired.”

“Yes. ‘Retired.’ More like ‘retroactive!’”

“That made no sense at all.”

“It doesn’t have to. I’m a ninja,” grinned Senator Ninja.


And this is what Senator Ninja would look like as a giant ant.

“Yeah, that’s what you’ve been saying the entire time I’ve worked with you. Yet in all that time, I’ve never seen you talking to any of your constituents-”

“And you never will, ’cause you don’t work here anymore!” interrupted Senator Ninja, his nostrils flaring in anticipation.

“-and I don’t even know what state you’re from. No one does. How did you get into Congress?!”

“It’s... I was... Look, I don’t have to explain any of this to you. I’m a ninja.”

deLay just stood there, staring at Senator Ninja, trying to place his dialect. Nothing. It was if Senator Ninja came from...

“Are you from Omaha?

“No...?”

“I was just asking because you have, like, no accent. You could be from, like, anywhere.”

“Yeah. I’m a ninja.” began Senator Ninja. He turned his head upward to observe the gaping hole in the ceiling. It was still a gaping hole in the ceiling, not much happening to it, really. He looked back at deLay, who was staring impatiently at his watch. It was starting to get awkward.


“Where are you from?!”

“So, uh... hey, have you seen Family Guy lately?” asked Senator Ninja, trying to jump-start the conversation.

“I don’t watch Family Guy. I think it’s poorly written and the animation is also of poor quality.”

Senator Ninja’s eyes bored into deLay’s ragged soul. Any enemy of Family Guy must be destroyed, declared a voice inside the senator’s head.

“You will suffer the fate of a thousand bees!” screamed Senator Ninja, his fingers cracking in an unnatural manner.


“I respectfully disaggree with your assessment of Family Guy!”

“Why don’t we just get back to the letter Dick Cheney gave you?” asked deLay, noticing smoke billowing out of Senator Ninja’s pantleg.

“Uh? Oh, right, Dick Cheney. Hey, how did you know he would meet me here? I didn’t even know we were meeting until, like, five minutes before it happened.”

“I’ve been hiding out in Congress ever since I retired. That’s where I live now,” deLay pointed out a large potted plant next to the cafeteria. “Every night, I sneak into the cafeteria and eat the fruit rollups. Then I sneak out. It’s easy because the cafeteria and this hallway are the only areas in Congress where there aren’t cameras.”

“What about the bathrooms?”

“I wouldn’t know. I didn’t want to risk getting caught, so I haven’t left this hall in weeks.”

“But then...? Oh, Tom! The cafeteria’s right over there!” Senator Ninja broke down. “That smell coming from the back room-”

“That’s just the poor quality meat they use to make Congressburgers. It’s made by the same people who made Family Guy. Burn!” Then deLay went for a high-five, which Senator Ninja, against senate regulations, did not return.

“But then... is there a sink or...”


“Use your head, fool!”

“I held it in, Senator Ninjerk.” deLay laughed.

“For weeks?!

“Yup.”

“How?!”

“I’m an American.

Processing 13×100 Robo-Comments:

Blogger Bathroom Hippo gesticulated...




The text!


It does nothing!

5/14/2006 2:26 AM  
Blogger flatlander gesticulated...

still

searching

for

Canadian

content

5/14/2006 7:37 PM  
Anonymous Rich gesticulated...

Wow! I mean, really wow! When will Americans learn that electing Ninjas to champion the cause of family guy against the evil ravages of possibly constipated ex-senators is the only path forward to a brighter and better, hey, where is that Ninja from?

Love the illustrations!

5/14/2006 9:18 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Canadian content... must grab screen shots.

Senator Ninja represents the state the Simpsons lives in.

5/14/2006 10:36 PM  
Blogger ticharu gesticulated...

Gyrodude! I only just now saw your offer of some of your outstanding mouse doodles for Frappe Dreamgate to exploit to our benefit. I'm touched...

5/14/2006 11:39 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

I plan to spend the summer learning how to draw better.

5/14/2006 11:47 PM  
Anonymous Rich gesticulated...

This had me awfully confused, so I rang Matt G and after enduring his usual grumpy attitude I finally got his assurance that Ron Wyden is not a Ninja.

5/15/2006 12:40 AM  
Blogger Salbert gesticulated...

I knew DeLay was evil, everyone likes Family Guy!

And I bet that nija is a democrat...

5/15/2006 6:45 AM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Senator Ninja is a member of the Ninja Party, of course. They have great fundraisers.

5/15/2006 8:41 AM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator gesticulated...

If not liking Family Guy is evil, then consider me the Diet Coke of Evil. Just one calorie.

5/15/2006 11:15 AM  
Blogger Bathroom Hippo gesticulated...



Nobody out Diet Cokes the Cokester.

Coke you!

5/15/2006 4:37 PM  
Blogger Professor Xavier gesticulated...

It's like a multi-car pileup on the freeway. You know you shouldn't slow down to look but you just can't turn away.

5/15/2006 7:04 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Room for one more...

Bwa ha ha!

5/15/2006 8:35 PM