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Ten thousand years of Roboshrub.

Fangs for the memories.

In today’s state, Roboshrub Incorporated is an entity entirely devoted
to the execution of what normal people would refer to as “bad ideas.”

It was the creator’s original idea that all concepts, whether
useful or not, contribute to the global subconscious level of progress
for the human race. Therefore, we contend that no idea is an unfit
idea, and vow to act on each and every one of them.

Roboshrub Inc.
Public Communications Department

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For your insolence, I condemn you to...

Suffer the Fate of a Thousand Bees!
(Before they go extinct)

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Sceptrum Imperium

By royal edict, it is henceforth proclaimed that this, the First Church of Tax Exempt Status, is hereby founded on this day, the 10×9N of month 000x3 in the year vx-0001. The head of the church shall be the King of the Frozen Lower Blogosphere, and by extention Roboshrub Incorporated, King Evil Robo-Bob Dole. As avatar of the Great and Powerful and Numerous and Unspecific robotic deities, it falls to me, King Evil Robo-Bob Dole, to explain the purpose of the universe and things like that. The dogma of the First Church of Tax Exempt Status will be based on the following commandments:

Obey me, for I am your only link to the robot ancestors!

  1. Only the consumption of non-organic foods is permitted. None are allowed to eat foods that come from animals, plants, protists, fungi, or monera, as it is offensive to Androjin the Recycler.
  2. The use of the ampersand character is hereby prohibited, as its use leads to corruption of the spirit.
  3. A daily tithe must be granted to the government of the Frozen Lower Blogosphere by thee in the form of 37 heads of cattle. And remember, just the heads. Throw the bodies away, I only want the brains.
  4. Failure to curb thine hound results in immediate expulsion to the fiery pits of Abaddon.
  5. The utterance of any clichés in the precense of a Jedi Master is grounds for banishment.
  6. Voting along the Robot Party line is mandatory for safe passage to Robot Heaven, which takes the form of a Radio Shack.
  7. You must acknowledge the tomato as a vegetable, and never as a fruit.
  8. Thou shalt not question the right of the King to pillage thine village.
  9. A special permit must be acquired before thou attempst to become a Jedi knight.
  10. If thou canst not taketh the heat, remove thyself from thy kitchen.

Break the commandments, and you'll say, "Noooooooo! It burns!"

Your undisputed ruler has spoken! Bow before me, as I contain a creamy, delicious center! Bwa ha ha!

Processing 20×100 Robo-Comments:

Blogger Phil gesticulated...

"Bow before me, as I contain a creamy, delicious center!"

So do I.

3/09/2006 6:16 PM  
Blogger His Majesty gesticulated...

Quite the quick one, aren't we, citizen?

Bow before the glory of King Evil Robo-Bob Dole!

Bwa ha ha!

3/09/2006 6:19 PM  
Blogger Phil gesticulated...


Birdman, commence bombardment!


3/09/2006 6:54 PM  
Blogger flatlander gesticulated...

You can fool some of the people some of the time, and you can.....OOOOOOOO! It burns!

Ok, which one of you is the Jedi master?

3/09/2006 8:53 PM  
Blogger Karl the Sorcerer gesticulated...

I am!

3/09/2006 9:03 PM  
Blogger crallspace gesticulated...

Well, I'm out.

3/10/2006 1:08 AM  
Blogger His Majesty gesticulated...

That's right, you're out! You are now expulled from the First Church of Tax Exempt Status. You cannot enter robot heaven unless you repent and give me double your money back.

3/10/2006 8:41 AM  
Blogger flu gesticulated...

So, King Evil Robo-Dole guy... I have a few questions, as I am on a self-imposed sabbatical in search of Robo-truth, or something like that...

What shall be used for communion elements at your uh... churchy thingy? Viagra and crystal clear Pepsi?

And how much is one of those Jedi Master permits? Do you guys counterfe... er, issue those there at the uh, sanctuarium thingy?

Also, is there like, a sprinkling, or dunking involved? - when it comes to the holiest of the morning donuts?

Assist me, King Evil Robo-Bob Dole, you're my only delayed belief of gradual fulfillment.

Well, not really, but whatever.

3/10/2006 10:02 AM  
Blogger His Majesty gesticulated...

We use only cherry Pepsi.

You must first master the windworm before you can apply for a Jedi permit!

3/10/2006 11:55 AM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator gesticulated...

I had windworm once. It was really cold out and the wind made my cheeks all rosy.

Wait, that was windburn.

3/10/2006 1:18 PM  
Blogger Private Hudson gesticulated...

Oh man, I can totally join. I can survive by eating MREs. There's nothing organic in those things!

3/10/2006 1:19 PM  
Blogger The Taker of Gist gesticulated...

Robot heaven isn't as fullfilling as working at the Gist mill. Yessiree, every day of my life is filled with unbridled joy and contentment because I spend my time converting Gist into meta-Gist and back again.

And who are you to argue?! Some funny clown and a man with flaming hair?! I think not. You know, I could easily take your Gist. In fact, I will. The Gist of what you said is:

Rizzzza zzzaaa pppppzzzz iiiiinnnoo OOOnnnzzzzzzz...

Argh! You've sabotaged my Gist converter again, haven't you Edmonde?!

3/10/2006 1:35 PM  
Blogger unregistered text offender gesticulated...

thou shalt found this as a real
religion only in america ism
and not just as a joke.

3/11/2006 9:40 AM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Joke? More like egg yolk. Poke a smoke with an oxen yoke until the yoke is broke. Got it, bloke?

3/11/2006 12:33 PM  
Blogger flu gesticulated...

but, cherry Pepsi makes me choke,
moreso than even the harshest toke,
and then I'd fear that I might croak,
so won't you make it cherry coke?

3/11/2006 4:33 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Cherry Coke? This a joke?
No joke?
Rope a dope.

3/11/2006 4:36 PM  
Blogger unregistered text offender gesticulated...

no no no no no no non o my turn
ur ur ur ur ur ur
oop opopo a oop oop oop aopp


3/14/2006 8:09 AM  
Blogger unregistered text offender gesticulated...

the oops were meant to be oaps to ryhme and reason with coke and other things thus spoke.

3/14/2006 8:11 AM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...


3/14/2006 11:17 AM  
Blogger Deep gesticulated...

I hate robots.....if they coul;d hate me they would.

3/17/2006 7:46 PM