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Ten thousand years of Roboshrub.

Fangs for the memories.

In today’s state, Roboshrub Incorporated is an entity entirely devoted
to the execution of what normal people would refer to as “bad ideas.”

It was the creator’s original idea that all concepts, whether
useful or not, contribute to the global subconscious level of progress
for the human race. Therefore, we contend that no idea is an unfit
idea, and vow to act on each and every one of them.

Roboshrub Inc.
Public Communications Department

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For your insolence, I condemn you to...

Suffer the Fate of a Thousand Bees!
(Before they go extinct)

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Product #5118-36k “Proxi Formula”

After years of plummeting sales due to the fact that we don’t actually make products, our sole financial donor, Robertius Flinch, has asked us to invent something that people will actually buy. That’s why Roboshrub Inc. is proud to present the Proxi Formula.

Robertius Flinch: the man, the legend.

What is the Proxi Formula, and why should you spend wisely invest your money in it? Before we tell you what the Proxi Formula is and what it can do, you first need to understand the difficult process that led to its completion.

When we began the herculanean task of designing the Proxi Formula, we knew we needed outside assistance. Roboshrub Incorporated just wasn’t and still isn’t equipped to deal with the intangibles and utter malevolence that result from repeated testing of the Formula. We first thought of turning the project over to our Antarctican branch, the Zombietree Trust (ZTIZ on the stock market). But they were less equipped than we, due to the constant budget cuts. Every time the CEO of Roboshrub Inc. buys a new fabriché egg, that money has to come from somewhere. And more often than not, it’s the Zombietree Trust.

Our new nonprofit Proxi Formula contractors.

So then we turned to the nonprofit American Gistological Institute, based in Heartland, USA. Seriously, it’s in a town called Heartland. In Missouri. Or Kansas. All those states tend to blend together when you’re running an international corporation. When we first approached them, they flat out rejected us. But after a few weeks of running negative ads about them on cable and radio, they came around to negotiate. We finally worked out a deal to donate 20% of all our sales to the Gistological Institute for research into the Gist substructure of the universe.

Three months and a slurry of public relations fiascos later, we had our formula. But just what is the Proxi Formula? What can it do for you? The Proxi Formula is so impressive and would have such a world-wide cultural impact that the government has forbidden us from disclosing such sensitive details. In fact, both the CIA and NSA, as well as the Departments of Agriculture, Labor, and Homeland Security, but not the Federal Reserve (strange, isn’t it?), have passed concurrent resolutions shielding them against any lawsuits that stem from the leakage of this product.

“Behold, the Proxi Formula!”

Therefore, in the interest of national security, you can never be told anything about the Proxi Formula, or how it could change your life forever. All we can legally tell you is that it contains dietary supplements and that it can be supersized. Anything else would violate our agreement with the FDA, the FCC, and the PTA.

Processing 14×100 Robo-Comments:

Blogger Lee Ann gesticulated...

Good formula...looks like a big seller!

3/21/2006 9:57 PM  
Blogger The Taker of Gist gesticulated...

The feds just busted up the institute. I want my money back!

3/21/2006 10:02 PM  
Blogger Bathroom Hippo gesticulated...

So that's what happened to Gist's father.

3/21/2006 10:39 PM  
Blogger flatlander gesticulated...

I will trade a partially used tube of Captain Canuck's Grecian Formula for a share in the Proxi.

The used hair product of an aged super hero of comparable renoun recently sold on Ebay for just under .45 GBP!

3/22/2006 1:25 AM  
Blogger Salbert gesticulated...

What about the proxY formula, or proxy statement, ZTIZ never gave one out! I'm not buying any ZTIZ stock till I see that proxy!

3/22/2006 9:05 AM  
Blogger The Taker of Gist gesticulated...

I also am against the noble art of buying stocks. But for different reasons.

And from what I understand of the outdated Roboshrub Inc. legal code, I could be sued for infinity dollars if I sell you the Proxi Formula for any amount of Grecian Formula. There are no compatibilities whatsoever!

3/22/2006 2:30 PM  
Blogger Torveld gesticulated...


3/22/2006 2:42 PM  
Blogger ticharu gesticulated...

I got my own secret formula and it never fails most of the time when it's working on a good day!

3/22/2006 3:42 PM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator gesticulated...

Hey, this proxy formula gave me a rash. The ting is, I wasn't even using it, I was just looking at the tube.

3/22/2006 4:20 PM  
Blogger flu gesticulated...

that does it, no tube for me! I just want the Proxi formula itself!

Wrap it in some cellophane, or something.

3/22/2006 5:48 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Rashes are one unfortunate side effect of the Formula. The upside is the...

Oh, almost told you. Ha! You'll never get me to reveal that the Proxi Formula is actually...

I've said too much.

*runs away*

3/22/2006 7:12 PM  
Blogger Captain Canuck gesticulated...

Please return my Grecian Formula.

No questions will be asked, and the Canadian government will step down it's nuclear arms protocol from code yellow back to blue.

3/22/2006 10:10 PM  
Blogger GrasshopperBoy gesticulated...

i had invented the proxi formula long long time ago...when i was an alchemist...then i accidently took a sip of it and came back as a 12 year old biscuit-munching kid. i warn u gyrobo...use the proxi formula with care...i am running out of biscuits :(

3/24/2006 1:16 AM  
Blogger The Taker of Gist gesticulated...

The Gistological Institute needs its formula back to fight our continuing war against the whatever it is we're fighting.

3/24/2006 4:45 PM