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Ten thousand years of Roboshrub.

Fangs for the memories.




In today’s state, Roboshrub Incorporated is an entity entirely devoted
to the execution of what normal people would refer to as “bad ideas.”

It was the creator’s original idea that all concepts, whether
useful or not, contribute to the global subconscious level of progress
for the human race. Therefore, we contend that no idea is an unfit
idea, and vow to act on each and every one of them.

Roboshrub Inc.
Public Communications Department






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For your insolence, I condemn you to...

Suffer the Fate of a Thousand Bees!
(Before they go extinct)

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3.27.2006

Product #0014-85c “Baseball Fever Vaccine”

Did you catch it? Baseball Fever, that is. Many people suffer from Baseball Fever, which is actually a misnomer. The correct term is “Hyper-Fanatical Sport Spectator Syndrome” (HFSSS), and is caused not by exposure to the sport of Baseball, but to the fire mites that live inside each baseball. This infestation has in recent years claimed the lives of several thousand people across the eastern seaboard. During the last world series, the entire city of Boston nearly succumbed to Baseball fever. A cure has been long sought so as to prevent the spread of fire mites, believed to also be responsible for the decline in Baseball viewership.


Don’t blame massive steroid abuse, blame fire mites!

Thanks to various breakthroughs by our subsidiary aquatic components, a way to douse the fire mites and cure what servicemen in World War I dubbed “The Shining” has been found. Through a complex series of binary circuits and pressurized capillary systems, we have divined a way to suppress the physiological effects of full-blown HFSSS. This would not be possible without Dr. Karen Lawrell’s groundbreaking thesis, “The Watercooler Effect.” We know now, thanks to Dr. Lawrell, that every time water is released from a watercooler, the air reverberates, flaying fire mites onto an unsuspecting baseball skeptic half a world away.


We’ve known for years of the mutagenic properties of water coolers.

With the miracle advent of the Baseball Fever Vaccine, we can now observe the fire mites in their natural habitat, the verdant forests of southern Borneo, without running the risk of infection. This will allow us to devise a more permanent solution to the chronic outbreaks of Baseball Fever, hopefully before it results in more deaths. Do not apply the Baseball Fever Vaccine if you have already been inoculated. Keep out of reach of umpires.

Processing 18×100 Robo-Comments:

Blogger Torveld gesticulated...

Grah! Steal idea! Me angry! Brains! Brains!

Rrruh. No, me give you ideas. Give ideas! Give product design! Graaaaaaaaaah!

3/27/2006 8:40 PM  
Blogger Lee Ann gesticulated...

Baseball fever and fire mites.............what is it coming to?

3/27/2006 10:19 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

I wonder every day. Every single day.

3/27/2006 10:21 PM  
Blogger OneStar gesticulated...

The world is coming to me. My hands. Tentacles.

You know what I mean. And noone can stop me! "Noone" isn't even a real word! Use "nobody!"

3/27/2006 11:20 PM  
Blogger unregistered text offender gesticulated...

only the stupid succumb to fire mites the world is better off without or rather its better for them to be obssessed with how to make their team win the world series than with how to blow up the most countries

3/28/2006 6:24 AM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator gesticulated...

What about when MLB says "Baseball Fever -- Catch it!" in their ads, though?

They're not trying to hurt us are they?

3/28/2006 6:44 AM  
Blogger Salbert gesticulated...

This is almost as successful as the wars on Terror, Drugs, and immigration.

3/28/2006 7:04 AM  
Blogger L>T gesticulated...

Baseball has never caused any syptoms in me.I must have a natural immunity to 'baseball fever'.

3/28/2006 10:03 AM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

I don't believe that Major Legue Baseball is trying to hurt anyone. But you have to admit that they make money off the disease. Ghastly, it is.

3/28/2006 10:09 AM  
Blogger flatlander gesticulated...

I met an umpire once.

He came up to me, and in a thick,
eastern European accent, said

"I vant to suck your glove."

Weird eh?

3/28/2006 10:10 AM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

That's a clear mark of umpirism, which is related to vampirism but only affects umpires.

3/28/2006 10:48 AM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator gesticulated...

It's like when Lou Gherig got Lou Gerrig's disease! What are the chances of that!

3/28/2006 4:43 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Only one in ten out of ten, I'd wager. The process of statistical analysis run roughshod over the more noble practice of fortune telling.

3/28/2006 5:47 PM  
Blogger sabatkes gesticulated...

Is there a cure for opening day hangovers?

3/28/2006 11:12 PM  
Blogger GrasshopperBoy gesticulated...

hailing from india i am yet to fall prey to baseball fever but i shall take ur vaccine nevertheless...thank u for warning me...i shall forever be ur humble servant for saving my life...oh thank u so much only :P

3/29/2006 12:55 AM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Baseball Fever strikes everywhere... the fire mites make no noise as they spread over the land and sea...

They could even be here, right now!

3/29/2006 1:49 PM  
Blogger angel, jr. gesticulated...

I've never caught baseball fever, but I have gotten tennis elbow. Are you working on anything for that?

3/29/2006 7:52 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

We've got a few things in development.

Nothing the public will accept, but it's still an impressive array.

3/29/2006 8:08 PM