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Credits

Ten thousand years of Roboshrub.

Fangs for the memories.




In today’s state, Roboshrub Incorporated is an entity entirely devoted
to the execution of what normal people would refer to as “bad ideas.”

It was the creator’s original idea that all concepts, whether
useful or not, contribute to the global subconscious level of progress
for the human race. Therefore, we contend that no idea is an unfit
idea, and vow to act on each and every one of them.

Roboshrub Inc.
Public Communications Department






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For your insolence, I condemn you to...

Suffer the Fate of a Thousand Bees!
(Before they go extinct)

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2.06.2006

Product #8346-68x “Handless Watches”

One cloudy morn over 500 years ago, a shot rang out. It wasn’t a literal gunshot, but the metaphorical shot of discovery, of adventure. It was the voyages of Christopher Columbus, Amerigo Vespucci, of Sir Francis Drake and... uh... Bluebeard the Pirate. The Old World was, for the first time, learning of the existence of two hitherto unknown continents. But the discovery raised some logistical problems. To calculate longitude, a methodical way to keep perfect time was needed. It wasn’t until the 1750s that the first accurate chronometers came into widespread use.


Bluebeard’s primitive sword-based chronometer.

Then for a long time, nothing happened. Sure, there was the invention of digital timepieces, and atomic clocks, but did any of them generate the unbridled enthusiasm and celebratory attitude of the original chronometer?! No! People were never passionate about digital watches. Partly due to the mass production and rise of the military/industrial/tourism complex, popular demand for Old World chronometers fell sharply. But after years of disinterest, Roboshrub Inc. is bringing analog clocks back into vogue with our brand-spanking-new Handless Watches.


It keeps time like there’s no tomorrow!

Yes, not only are these clocks not digital, but to show how hardcore we are, they don’t even include hour, minute, or second hands. In fact, we removed the entire internal mechanisms to control such minutia. This allowed us to reduce the gross weight of the product and minimize its production cost, while simultaneously allowing us to increase its list price by a factor of a brajillion (we marked up the cost so high that science had to come up with a way to explain it). Free digital watch with every purchase.

Processing 24×100 Robo-Comments:

Blogger Cabe gesticulated...

I thought Blue-beard was killed by Red-beard.

And Robo-beard was killed by Super-beard.

2/06/2006 7:13 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

That's what he wanted us to think.

2/06/2006 7:21 PM  
Blogger Salbert gesticulated...

We got atomic watches, but what about nano watches, with a screen so small, you'd think it was never there!

2/06/2006 7:32 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Who told you about the Atomic Watch Project?! AWP has been under wraps since before the Time of Recklessness!

No Roboshrub Inc. must contend with not one, but two rival factions!

I must summon the Roboshrub to drop his poorly done homework and assist me in cornering the market!

2/06/2006 7:36 PM  
Blogger Salbert gesticulated...

Do you want to join forces with me? I'm pro merger.

2/06/2006 8:26 PM  
Blogger Fred gesticulated...

Who needs a watch? I have a bell that rings every 50 minutes at school.

2/06/2006 8:49 PM  
Blogger Bathroom Hippo gesticulated...



Everytime a bell rings, a teacher loses his pension. I know this because I am the school bell-ringer..and that bell tolls for thee!


2/07/2006 7:31 AM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Harken to the bells...

The tintinnabulation of the bells!

The ringling and the jingling

And the tingling and the mingling

Of the bells!

2/07/2006 10:40 AM  
Blogger Patricia Geraghty gesticulated...

How about some jingling?

Roboshrub Roboshrub
Dropped the ball
And had to grub

Bought a bunch of
Secondhand watches
Full of handless
Obvious botches

Tried to make them
Sound so swell
But how many botches
Can you sell?


Courtesy of the ZU Clerical Department, dontcha know.

2/07/2006 11:52 AM  
Blogger L>T gesticulated...

Oh, now you're trying to quote Poe. Is there no end to the insanity?

"So little time, so little to do."

2/07/2006 11:58 AM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

I can totally destroy any work of poetry.

2/07/2006 12:04 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Hear the dredges with the tells-
Silver wells!

What a word of contentment their melody forestalls!

How they tinkle, wrinkle, twinkle,
In the icy air of bright!

While the scars that overspartan
All the levees, seem to harden
With a crystalline pilot light;

Keeping time, lyme, chime,
In a sort of Tunic slime,
To the tintinnabulation that so musically fells

From the bells, wells, tells, quells,
Sells, yells, dells-

From the pinging and the sinking of the Earth's core.

2/07/2006 12:04 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Why did this post go from handwatches to Edger Allen Poe?

2/07/2006 12:05 PM  
Blogger L>T gesticulated...

BTW, gyrobo, do not pick on robroshrub. I believe he is the father of babybot(thot i forgot about that, huh?)
We are waiting for microscope slides put together by 7th graders trying to shave plant fiber thin anuff to be transparent, then figuring out what x10 means, etc... It's a fruserating process.

2/07/2006 12:11 PM  
Blogger L>T gesticulated...

E. Allen Poe is the best!!! YAAA!
You come in as a close second.

how's that for a commplement?

2/07/2006 12:15 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Dhar!

>::BOOM::<

2/07/2006 12:27 PM  
Blogger Lee Ann gesticulated...

Atomic watches....
ticktock ticktock ticktock...clock

2/07/2006 12:52 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

This is why we planned to wait until fusion power was perfected before unleashing the atomic watch.

2/07/2006 1:05 PM  
Blogger angel, jr. gesticulated...

Oh, I need more hours in the day!

2/07/2006 3:05 PM  
Blogger Mint Tea Mystic gesticulated...

Elementry Penguins Singing Hare Krishna...
Man, you should have seen them kicking Edgar Allen Poe.

2/07/2006 3:06 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Mint Tea Mystic! So, we meet again!

And Moxy Fruvous isn't here to save you this time.

*yodels*

2/07/2006 3:34 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Seriously, I'm totally going to put Fruvous on my profile under "favorite music".

2/07/2006 3:35 PM  
Blogger Michelle gesticulated...

Fruvous covered Eggbot's Porcelain Angel, so obviously they are magnificent.

2/08/2006 10:36 AM  
Blogger Bhakti gesticulated...

It kills time like there's no tomorrow.

You kill me...

:)

2/09/2006 3:24 PM