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Ten thousand years of Roboshrub.

Fangs for the memories.

In today’s state, Roboshrub Incorporated is an entity entirely devoted
to the execution of what normal people would refer to as “bad ideas.”

It was the creator’s original idea that all concepts, whether
useful or not, contribute to the global subconscious level of progress
for the human race. Therefore, we contend that no idea is an unfit
idea, and vow to act on each and every one of them.

Roboshrub Inc.
Public Communications Department

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For your insolence, I condemn you to...

Suffer the Fate of a Thousand Bees!
(Before they go extinct)

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Product #3817-71z “Centrifugal Tweezers”

Ever get something stuck in your ear that no amount of Q-Tips can remove? Throw away the Q-Tips! Q-Tips cannot help you. I guess what I’m saying is, my central theme is that somehow, you won’t be helped by Q-Tips. So don’t even try to use Q-Tips in that kind of situation.

Feel free to go ahead and burn all your Q-Tips.

Thanks to the finest in fungineering and imadnization plasticization, centrifugal force is finally being moved out of the laboratory and into the home. Unlike the Centripetal Tweezers, the Centrifugal Tweezers utilize the Normal Force inherent in the gravitational pull of the Earth (or any object for that matter) to extract whatever might be lodged deep inside any cavity you need something dislodged from. Got a Frisbee stuck on the roof? Centrifugal Tweezers can help you! Broke off a chopstick in your ear? Centrifugal Tweezers will be there! Can’t pay your taxes, and the bills are piling up? Centrifugal Tweezers should be able to provide sustenance until the economy revs up.

Finally: centrifugal force in the home.

Sure, some scientists argue that there’s no such thing as centrifugal force. They call it “fictitious” and “a confusing term”. What these eggheads don’t grasp is that Roboshrub Inc. is a corporate giant, and capable of generating an infinite number of previously nonexistent physical forces. Warranty void if used, looked at slightly, or observed by one of six senses (ESP counts). Keep out of reach of sharks.

Processing 12×100 Robo-Comments:

Blogger Calzone gesticulated...

Are you guys the arch enemies of my dogs at Zero Unlimited?

2/07/2006 9:25 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Of course not. We plan to compete with them on a purely theoretical and market level.

Then will come the inevitable merger and degredation of quality.

Just like AOL-Time Warner.

2/07/2006 9:31 PM  
Blogger Lee Ann gesticulated...

OH, looks like those may hurt!
Gyro, I have had what I suppose is water in my left ear for almost a week. It is bugging me to death, I cannot get it out, and have tried everything from q-tip to shaking my head sideways....ughhhh!

2/07/2006 10:38 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Try a bendie straw.

That's what Xister uses.

2/08/2006 8:39 AM  
Blogger Pirate Murphy gesticulated...

Arr, do we get to merge by beating your robot-y head in?

Arrr, me hates me some robots. Except possibly a really cool one such as yourself, sir.


P.S. Why would ye keep 'em away from sharks? Per'aps ye should be marketing them as a higher techology advance o'er them harpoons.

2/08/2006 10:39 AM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Simple: the Centrifugal Tweezers are structurally unstable when in contact with oceanic predators, due to the negative resonnance field surrounding them. Sharks would cancel out the tweezers, resulting in pure centrifugal force being released.

The outcome, I daresay, would render the Earth uninhabitable.

2/08/2006 1:15 PM  
Blogger L>T gesticulated...

I definately need those. How is my credit?

BTW, you have inspired me to new heights in my metamorphosis painting series. (E. Poe, ya know) the second painting is going to be called, 'The Pit & the pendulamb' (see, I'm so excited I can't even spell it yet). This second painting 'The pupa=chrysalis, will be dedicated to you. I have been working on it for a while, but you, Gyrobro, have broken my mental block.

2/08/2006 1:48 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

“Your credit’s fine, Mr. Torrance”

I like you, Lloyd.
I always liked you.
You were always the best of them.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha h-!



2/08/2006 2:33 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Always slip in a Shining snippet when possible.

2/08/2006 2:33 PM  
Blogger ticharu gesticulated...

Can I get a whole set of those and have them surgically emplanted where my teeth used to be?

2/08/2006 3:17 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Why else would we make them so colorfull?

2/08/2006 3:22 PM  
Blogger Bhakti gesticulated...

Do sharks have ears? If so, they must get a lot of water lodged in them puppies.

2/08/2006 7:05 PM