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8.03.2005

Ohio Election Ends in Victory, Failure

On August 2, 2005, a special election was held in Ohio's 2nd congressional district to fill a vacancy left after the former Representative was abducted by space aliens and then hit by three trains earlier this year. The favorite in this heavily conservative district was Jean Schmidt, not only because she's a republican, but also because she was part of the NASA team that invented tang. Her main opponent was Paul Hackett, a self-made trillionaire who scaled Mount Everest in two hours. Of course, the election is over. Jean Schmitt won by a margin of 52-48. But what are the implications of this election? Join us as we analyze the historical and theoretical history of Ohio's 2nd congressional district.

Ever since Governor Bob Taft was exposed as part of the organ harvesting scandal (livergate), his approval ratings have plummeted to the point where Richard Nixon got out of his grave and slapped him in the face. Claims Richard Nixon's dessicated remains, “That actually felt kinda good. But he's still going on my list.” This of course has been devastating to the Ohio republican party. “No one wants to be on Richard Nixon's bad side,” said a republican aid under the condition of anonymity. Still, Governor Taft's 19% approval rating does not bode well, especially for him. It would appear that the scandal-ridden buckeye politico has little prospects of a fourth term.

“But how does the Governor's problems affect the congressional election?” you might ask if you were an idiot. As anyone can tell you, the “Coattail” effect occurs when politicians come to power using the support of a more popular and influential politician. What happened in the 2nd district was the reverse of the coattail effect, known as the “Jump Ship Before It's Too Late!” effect. Jean Schmidt, who would normally have won the race by 30 points or more, came within a measly four percent of being thrown out on the street like so many candy wrappers by ten-year-olds. Thusly, competition was created in a place where there was none. The race was close, and voter turnout was extremely high. And high voter turnout is a sure sign of more people going to the polls.

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Blogger Roboshrub Incorporated gesticulated...

Excellent artical. I think, however, you are missing a key point. While it is true that politics may have had an effect on Jean's near victory, the truth is this: People don't like vampires.

8/03/2005 7:11 AM