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Ten thousand years of Roboshrub.

Fangs for the memories.




In today’s state, Roboshrub Incorporated is an entity entirely devoted
to the execution of what normal people would refer to as “bad ideas.”

It was the creator’s original idea that all concepts, whether
useful or not, contribute to the global subconscious level of progress
for the human race. Therefore, we contend that no idea is an unfit
idea, and vow to act on each and every one of them.

Roboshrub Inc.
Public Communications Department






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For your insolence, I condemn you to...

Suffer the Fate of a Thousand Bees!
(Before they go extinct)

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11.13.2007

*** ADVISORY – PLEASE READ ***

Dear Sir or Madam:

A recent study by our Environmental/Water Quality Control group has determined the Oxglove County water supply contains mildly high levels of hydrogen. Our group selected eight sewage lines from random parts of Oxglove County, and seven contained as much as 12% hydrogen. Pure hydrogen is extremely toxic and as a chemical, very dangerous. And we are obligated by state and federal law to disclose this information to the public.

This is not simply a municipal problem, affecting city water only but not other sources. Private wells are also prone to hydrogen buildup, due to seepage of hydrogen hydroxide from old or damaged skeptic tanks. Another molecule, which is indistinguishable from but much more foreboding than, hydrogen hydroxide is dihydrogen monoxide. Molecules of this type bond together due to their polar nature, and in the winter may freeze and cause damage to pipe and plumbing infrastructures of the house.

Dihydrogen monoxide has been given a reactivity rating of one by the J.T.Baker SAF-T-DATA™ labels system. J.T. Baker is a reliable, venerated organization relied upon by members of the scientific community for chemical safety information. Reactivity is one of four safety metrics J.T. Baker takes, it measures of a substance’s ability to “explode or react violently with air, water or other substances” and we urge all citizens to purchase a dihydrogen monoxide detector for their own protection. Dihydrogen monoxide if unrecognized in humans with early detection stages, may cause addiction and extreme thirst.

If you feel listless or feel dizzy, contact a doctor immediately with a portable telephone, as landline wires may touch pipes that carry the hydrogen-containing water.

Thank you for your time.

Office of Lou Tintarello
Oxglove County Environmental Council


Oxglove County -- It's a Habitable Place
“Oxglove County — It’s a Habitable Place”

Processing 11×100 Robo-Comments:

Blogger jin gesticulated...

I am feeling listless & dizzy.
However, I think it's from the 7 shots of espresso & 14 chocolate cupcakes I just voraciously consumed.

MUST
...
NOT
...
PUKE
...
on my keyboard

It's all your fault Gyro!!!
Your scrawling successfully secretes your subliminal semiologist sexiness!
*gasp*
Who knew?!!?

11/13/2007 6:09 AM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator gesticulated...

I hear dihydrogen monoxide is really dangerous, it can cause severe burns, erodes the landscape, and shorts electrical lines. Fish pee in it, too.

11/13/2007 11:52 AM  
Anonymous Rich gesticulated...

Those damaged skeptic tanks are a concern. We can never allow skeptics to seep into the surrounding environment. There will be no questioning of our regime *cocks pump action shotgun*

11/13/2007 4:43 PM  
Blogger Lee Ann gesticulated...

I feel dizzy some...and a little lethargic! Ugh...still feels like Monday!
Have a great week.
~xo
Lee Ann

11/13/2007 5:50 PM  
Blogger handmaiden gesticulated...

Just give it to me straight. Am I going to die?

11/13/2007 10:45 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

@Jin: The more you say it, the truer it gets.

@Jon: It also enables bacteria growth.

@Rich: Methinks there was a double entendre in there somewhere.

@Lee Ann: Every day is a Monday. Every. Single. Day.

@Handmaiden: Sometime in the next 100 years.

11/14/2007 12:06 AM  
Blogger handmaiden gesticulated...

Criminys! If you say it, it must be true.

Here's another question: Is there any chance I'm going to win the lottery some time soon?

11/15/2007 11:03 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

I see a lot of money somewhere.

11/15/2007 11:30 PM  
Blogger handmaiden gesticulated...

how annoyingly vague.

11/16/2007 11:26 AM  
Blogger R2K gesticulated...

Depressing.

11/17/2007 9:17 AM  
Blogger Salbert gesticulated...

Uh oh, I drink about 8 glasses worth of dihydrogen monoxide a day!

1/18/2008 8:15 AM