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Spitzer To Annex Vermont

Mirror Universe SpitzerFebruary 31, 2007
Mirror Universe Times

NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK— Following up on his most popular campaign promise, Archduke Eliot Spitzer assembled the State Imperial Guard today in preparation for a full-scale assault on Montpelier.

“The citizens of the great state of New York have endured Vermont’s squandering of our birthright for centuries,” Spitzer told reporters at the state-run Press Bureau. “And Douglas’ abject failure to put down the Dean loyalists jeopardizes the security of the entire Northeast.”

Public sentiment for an invasion of the Green Mountain State has been mounting since 2003, when then-Burgomaster Howard Dean conquered large swathes of upstate New York, including the old capital at Albany, in a failed presidential succession attempt. The striking inability of George Pataki to adequately defend the state’s capital, his subsequent capture and execution, and the ritualistic plundering of Albany by Vermont militiamen have all contributed to the declining upstate economy. Although a federal task force subdued the ambitious Dean, the Supreme Court ruled that Vermont was permitted to retain his captured territories under Article IV, Section III of the Constitution.

“That verdict was an insult to the Empire State and the widow Pataki,” the insatiable municipal juggernaut fired back when asked about the ruling. “After we subjugate Montpelier, I look forward to putting Chief Justice Scalia in my personal Agony Booth.”

Processing 14×100 Robo-Comments:

Blogger fireballmage gesticulated...

I personallly throw all my support behind Spitzer. Our God-given state has been suffering under the iron boot of Piedmonte for long enough!

4/09/2007 6:55 AM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator gesticulated...

But what will this do to the maple syrup prices? Isn't a barrel of crude sap unbelievable high already?

4/09/2007 8:52 AM  
Blogger jin gesticulated...

heh heh
you said mounting
heh heh

4/09/2007 1:50 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Jin, I'd expect that kind of thing from AOC, but when you say it, it makes it all the more funnier.

4/09/2007 3:22 PM  
Blogger Professor Huxley gesticulated...

I don't get it.

I thought Vermont was already a part of Washington.

4/09/2007 3:33 PM  
Blogger Professor Xavier gesticulated...

Looks like a job for Underdog! He always had a grudge against Vermont.

4/09/2007 7:41 PM  
Anonymous Rich gesticulated...

Right... so it's like Sydney is New York, Vermont is Melbourne and this Spitzer guy is the Corgie from three doors down who barked at me last Tuesday... right???

4/10/2007 8:25 PM  
Blogger Lee Ann gesticulated...

v e r d i c t
v er di ct
ve r dic t
verd ict
v e rdi ct
ver d ict
...hmmmm this could go on for a while!

4/10/2007 10:19 PM  
Blogger jin gesticulated...

I really couldn't resist this time.

Speed Dial is...

beyond the spectrum of all earthly language descriptives alluding to ultimate coolness


4/12/2007 8:17 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous gesticulated...

Flouridation is a communist plot to sap and impurify our precious bodily fluids.

4/12/2007 7:11 PM  
Blogger Lee Ann gesticulated...

I think you should post on February 32nd!

4/12/2007 10:21 PM  
Blogger Monkey gesticulated...

A fellow time traveler of sorts!


Vermont, like Maine is actually part of Canada. We just haven't told the people in D.C. yet.

In other news... what the hell is a "Personal Agony Booth"?

Enquiring minds.

4/12/2007 11:42 PM  
Blogger Bathroom Hippo gesticulated...

Nappy-headed robot!

4/13/2007 12:25 AM  
Blogger unregistered text offender gesticulated...

'"I look forward to putting Chief Justice Scalia in my personal Agony Booth.”'

i think we all do.

4/28/2007 9:24 AM