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Ten thousand years of Roboshrub.

Fangs for the memories.

In today’s state, Roboshrub Incorporated is an entity entirely devoted
to the execution of what normal people would refer to as “bad ideas.”

It was the creator’s original idea that all concepts, whether
useful or not, contribute to the global subconscious level of progress
for the human race. Therefore, we contend that no idea is an unfit
idea, and vow to act on each and every one of them.

Roboshrub Inc.
Public Communications Department

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For your insolence, I condemn you to...

Suffer the Fate of a Thousand Bees!
(Before they go extinct)

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The Geography of the Internet

Hello, my prize pupils! Today's lecture will be concerning a contemporary issue- one very near and dear to some of your hearts: Cyberspace. The Web. The Internet.

Many of you will recall United States Senator Ted Stevens, the Republican representative from Alaska, and his comments as to the nature of the Internet. He said, "It's not a big truck... it's a series of tubes." Many of you will be surprised to learn that this is, in fact, the true nature of the internet and not a poorly-chosen metaphor. Information is carried into your CPU (central processing unit) by microscopic aquatic organisms, guided unerringly through a complex matrix of tiny aqueducts.

Older versions of the Macintosh OS may respond poorly to broadband.

The physical geography of the internet has already been mapped out by the gentlemen of XKCD (an excellent webcomic). You can find the comprehensive map, carefully topographed onto a diner napkin, here. However, I present an alternative, more user-friendly map below. Please note that this illustration is not my own; it is used as a teaching aid by respected degree-giving institutions.

This was stolen from an information literacy course I took.

It may also surprise you to learn that the internet has both a beginning and an end, or that there are simultaneously creative and destructive properties at work within this invisible, invisible world made of fish. In short, the internet contains the sum of all human knowledge.

I'll leave you all to ponder that. Here's your homework for next class: Write a short song. We here at Roboshrub Inc. might pick the best one, embellish it and record it ourselves. The winner will then recieve the raw data files, to post at his or her own blog. It's like a contest! Like... American Idol!

Processing 14×100 Robo-Comments:

Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator gesticulated...

True story: I have a friend, I'll call him Jon, the Not Intergalactic Gladiator, he works at the IT helpdesk at a major company and had to answer a call from a field agent who couldn't connect to the VPN. He had a bit of trouble getting her to understand that the issue was not with the VPN itself, but with the location she was trying to connect from. Eventually, the call ended and when he tried to tell his coworkers of his troubles, he waved his hands over his head and said "How can I explain VPN? It's all up here." To this day, he still gets razzed for that. True story.


1/25/2007 11:01 PM  
Blogger jin gesticulated...

Brilliant post Professor, may I call you Aldous?

*jin wonders if she's done well or if she occasionally over analyzes simple blogposts/profiles...*

OH! A contest!
I never win them...but that doesn't stop me from trying!

I'll be back!

1/25/2007 11:36 PM  
Blogger Professor Huxley gesticulated...

Ye shall know the truth? The truth shall make you mad!

Ho ho ho. I'm "only messing with you," as the kids say.

1/26/2007 9:02 AM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Ol' Ted Stevens an' his cyber truck!
Senator by day, but after dusk,
When all the children go to sleep
And minute hands begin to creep
As slow as snow across the clocks,
He crab-walks sideways to the docks
With glee to fleece some feeble rubes;
Another night betwixt the tubes!

1/26/2007 1:17 PM  
Blogger Bathroom Hippo gesticulated...


I arrived as soon as I could...

Blogger is forcing conversion on us all!!!!! What should we dooo?!

1/26/2007 5:43 PM  
Blogger Bathroom Hippo gesticulated...

Ted Stevens was responsible for that bridge to nowheres.

But I believe it would connect us to another planet.

*plays StarGate theme*

1/26/2007 6:00 PM  
Blogger Professor Huxley gesticulated...

Well, Hippo, it seems we must fight them on the beaches, and fight them in the streets!

If this we're forced to convert, this blog will be crashing down around our ears.

1/27/2007 12:45 AM  
Blogger jin gesticulated...

*Sung to "Creep" by Radiohead*

What did we do before
Sunlight & beaches
Sitcoms & such
So boring I'd cry
Now kernels & GUI
On the World Wide Web
I'm so glad I found you
You've lessened my dread

But Im a *BLEEP*, I'm a blogger.
What the heck am I trying to say?
I'll post in my own way.

Dont care if I offend
If my code sends you crashing
I want a perfect template
I want a perfect post
I want you to read
My blog the most
Youre so flash-tacular
I wish I was flash-tacular

But Im a *BLEEP*, I'm a blogger.
What the heck am I trying to say?
I'll post in my own way.


1/28/2007 12:31 AM  
Blogger jin gesticulated...

(Heeheeee....that took me a ridiculous length of time!
Do listen to the song while you read the'll LOL! :-)

1/28/2007 12:33 AM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

AvatarI wouldn't dream of compromising your artistic integrity.

1/28/2007 12:34 AM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

AvatarAlso, I found a way of masking my appearance to mimic that of an old Blogger profile, but only here.

1/28/2007 12:40 AM  
Blogger jin gesticulated...

Will new blogger really screw up your template?
They didn't touch mine...I was given an option after I switched if I wanted to upgrade to their templates (where it warns you that you lose all your changes).

1/28/2007 12:56 AM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

AvatarWe're not going to upgrade the Roboshrub profile, and since that profile is the blog's owner, the template should never have to change.

1/28/2007 1:05 AM  
Blogger Professor Huxley gesticulated...

Yet another crisis has been averted!

1/28/2007 1:28 AM