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Ten thousand years of Roboshrub.

Fangs for the memories.

In today’s state, Roboshrub Incorporated is an entity entirely devoted
to the execution of what normal people would refer to as “bad ideas.”

It was the creator’s original idea that all concepts, whether
useful or not, contribute to the global subconscious level of progress
for the human race. Therefore, we contend that no idea is an unfit
idea, and vow to act on each and every one of them.

Roboshrub Inc.
Public Communications Department

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The Case For Integration

After the Dorian invasion toppled Greek civilization roughly 3,200 years ago, the writings of the ancient Greeks—written in Linear A and Linear B—fell into the recycle bin of history. Thousands of years later, we still cannot decipher these primitive yet beautiful languages (despite having all kinds of shiny computers).

Like the words of the ancientest of Greeks, mathematical techniques such as integration by parts, trigonometric substitution, and partial fractions would be all but forgotten if nobody took the time to learn them. No living person today can understand Linear because it went into disuse; and when people stop trying to ride a pony, it turns into a sour, resentful horse. Those who want to put integration techniques out to pasture, who insist the calculator is more powerful than the pencil, those who spit in the eye of established mathematical hegemonic orthodoxy and demand TI-92s—they’re afraid.

Afraid of their own mortality. Afraid of spending ten minutes and two pages answering a single problem. Afraid of being seen as a math nerd (math nerds make up exactly e% of the total U.S. population). Fear makes people do strange things. It turns poets into soldiers, and bricklayers into glassblowers. And it makes lazy students turn to Texas Instruments for a quick fix, to make their lives lighter and fancy-free.

It hurts. It hurts because there’s no logic behind it. I mean, just imagine: calculus has been streamlined; TI-89s and 92s are in every pocket; the math department is rejoicing! Teachers are rioting in the streets, brimming with glee! And why are they so happy? Because now that the simpler parts of integration have been addressed, students can be forced to learn all kinds of advanced calculus stuff that I can’t even begin to describe without bursting into tears. All in the name of scientific advancement.

Perhaps in some future paradise, when calculators have surpassed human intelligence, the techniques of integration can be bypassed. Perhaps then, when the lessons of the Dorian invasion have been taken to heart, can we truly use TI-92s properly.


Processing 12×100 Robo-Comments:

Blogger Bathroom Hippo gesticulated...

I only have a TI-83...and only made it to Pre Calc in college =(

Forgive me, m'lord.

10/24/2006 11:57 PM  
Blogger jin gesticulated...

I'm embarrassed to say I've never even seen a real-live TI-92.
In fact, I had to google it.

10/25/2006 12:20 AM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator gesticulated...

I've never been really that good with math. Maybe that's why I became an intergalactic gladiator.


10/25/2006 8:48 AM  
Blogger angel, jr. gesticulated...

I can't even balance a checkbook.

10/25/2006 10:02 AM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

The ancient Greeks would never know what hit them if not for you, our loyal ice cream sandwiches.

What's that, Pluto? You say you want to be a planet again? NEVER!

10/25/2006 11:02 AM  
Blogger Roboshrub Incorporated gesticulated...

TI 89 + Silver Edition 2ever!

10/25/2006 3:39 PM  
Blogger R2K gesticulated...

Please feel free to edit the cartoon on my last post ( and enter the caption contest!

I know you are the best man for the task.

10/25/2006 3:40 PM  
Anonymous Rich gesticulated...

What you don't tell people is that the TI-92's buttons taste like dill pickles. They should be banned!

OK, only mine tastes like that and I only want them band because I was beaten in maths by a 10 year old genius who rocked up to our advanced maths class for electronics. May god forgive me for slipping him a mickey before ur final exam.

10/25/2006 7:11 PM  
Blogger R2K gesticulated...


10/25/2006 10:58 PM  
Blogger Brioche gesticulated...

My Mummy said I can play at your blog cos it's safe for lil pups like me.
Is it ok if I chew on the robot's leg & pee on the shrub?

10/25/2006 11:09 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

The shrub may abide, if the proper channels are navigated.

Silk and silver, the linchpin of the iron rectangle!

10/25/2006 11:39 PM  
Blogger jin gesticulated...

Hey, gyrobo!
I posted your (& flatlanders) poem.
With pictures!

10/26/2006 4:34 AM