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8.30.2006

Pluto Challenges Bush To Series Of Debates

After losing its status as one of the “classical” planets, former celestial heavyweight Pluto issued a direct challenge to U.S. President George W. Bush last week via a robotic translation drone. According to sources close to the executive branch, the Kuiper Kid wants to reclaim its role as full-fledged planet by forcing a faux presidential-style debate with the aged Republican. Administration magician Karl Rove was reported to have spent up to 80 hours prepping the president for a formal response, evidenced by the fact that Bush wore pants to the press conference.

Senior Comparative Planetologist (and world-renown political roughhouse master) Wasyl Jambin also met with the president earlier this week. “I told him to just look at Pluto through a telescope and think about what planetary status would mean,” Mr. Jambin told Routers in a letter taped to a brick. Being ever the social butterfly, Mr. Bush convened a press conference to discuss the... Snap! It’s on now.


It’s on! Shut up, it’s on!

“...after consultin’ the advisios,” the president told a waiting audience of Harvard scientologists and Nobel-winning laureates, “we’re just gonna fire a nuke at the Pluto, because it’s so big.” And true to his word, a barrage of cold-war era nuclear missiles left Earth’s atmosphere just as he put down his nuclear football, heading for parts unknown (the missiles, not the football).

Scientists are skeptical that the president’s plan will successfully destroy Pluto, thus ending the debate once and for all.

Which should we keep: President Bush or Pluto?
Pluto
President Bush
Both
Neither
Jake, the adorable puppy
  
Free polls from Pollhost.com


Processing 11×100 Robo-Comments:

Blogger Cabe gesticulated...


Went to a Bush rally in SLC today...never heard Pluto mentioned.

8/30/2006 11:04 PM  
Blogger L>T gesticulated...

pluto is my favorite planet. Yay for pluto!

8/30/2006 11:17 PM  
Anonymous Rich gesticulated...

I think we should keep Pluto but it should be renamed Goofy.

8/31/2006 1:04 AM  
Blogger flu gesticulated...

I vote for Jake, he's just so ded-gummed adorable!

8/31/2006 9:05 AM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator gesticulated...

I wanted to vote for Jake as well, but I felt that Pluto really need my vote, so I went out and rocked it thusly.

So how long would it take a nuclear missile to reach Pluto? A decade or so?

8/31/2006 11:20 AM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

I'll tell you all what I told Roboshrub: Jake's gonna win in a landslide.

8/31/2006 1:43 PM  
Blogger L>T gesticulated...

i wonder if this vote could posibally(?whatever) be rigged?

8/31/2006 7:05 PM  
Anonymous Rich gesticulated...

Jake does have the best PR team money can bribe.

8/31/2006 8:03 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Jake! Have you been committing voter fraud? Bad dog! Bad!

8/31/2006 9:33 PM  
Blogger Bathroom Hippo gesticulated...


Pluto voted for that spending bill, before he voted against it. She? He? The hell with it. Lets just use that piece of space junk to calibrate our warheads.

9/01/2006 2:04 AM  
Blogger jin gesticulated...

Another sucker for an adorable puppy! :-)

9/05/2006 3:58 AM