Senior Comparative Planetologist (and world-renown political roughhouse master) Wasyl Jambin also met with the president earlier this week. “I told him to just look at Pluto through a telescope and think about what planetary status would mean,” Mr. Jambin told Routers in a letter taped to a brick. Being ever the social butterfly, Mr. Bush convened a press conference to discuss the... Snap! It’s on now.
It’s on! Shut up, it’s on!
“...after consultin’ the advisios,” the president told a waiting audience of Harvard scientologists and Nobel-winning laureates, “we’re just gonna fire a nuke at the Pluto, because it’s so big.” And true to his word, a barrage of cold-war era nuclear missiles left Earth’s atmosphere just as he put down his nuclear football, heading for parts unknown (the missiles, not the football).
Scientists are skeptical that the president’s plan will successfully destroy Pluto, thus ending the debate once and for all.