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Credits

Ten thousand years of Roboshrub.

Fangs for the memories.




In today’s state, Roboshrub Incorporated is an entity entirely devoted
to the execution of what normal people would refer to as “bad ideas.”

It was the creator’s original idea that all concepts, whether
useful or not, contribute to the global subconscious level of progress
for the human race. Therefore, we contend that no idea is an unfit
idea, and vow to act on each and every one of them.

Roboshrub Inc.
Public Communications Department






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For your insolence, I condemn you to...

Suffer the Fate of a Thousand Bees!
(Before they go extinct)

Print Logo

5.26.2006

Sans the Mass!

"Professor! The universe...!"

"Astrobiologists will rue the day they refused to put me on their speed dials, my boy. Today is a good day to destroy mass!"

"But why must all mass in the universe be destroyed?"

"Because," the professor told me, "the universe is going to collapse anyway, eventually. All we're doing here is making sure that when it happens, there's no mess. No mass, no mess. Ipso fatso."

"That's very interesting."

It was a luke-warm May night, and my antivirus software had just expired. The sun was setting, casting purple shadows all about the gray observatory walls. I glanced over at my mentor, Professor Faust. The man was more than just a comparative planetologist; he was a mad scientist obsessed with finding a way to convert matter into energy. Ever since he started playing eXtreme Checkers, the notion of a universe composed of pure energy captivated his every waking moment.

"But why is it so important that there be no matter left in the universe? From what I've heard, the universe is constantly expanding. How could it-"

"Fool! Have you not heard a single word I've said?! Did you just forget my lectures?! This isn't summer camp anymore!" he roared. I could tell he was about to put on his game face.

"Professor, you're starting to lose touch with reality."

"Am I now?!"

"Yes."

He ran over to the experimental Matter Decoupler and started pressing buttons, seemingly at random. The machine let off a buzz and began pulsing. I could hear the reactor hum at progressively higher frequencies.

"Professor, what have you done?!"

"I've taken the first step in a complex process that will result in the end of this universe. Can you say the same? I thought not!" he laughed diabolically.

"An end to the universe? That sounds very inconvenient! How will it affect the value of my property?"

The room started to twist into all kinds of bizarre colors, some of which I'd never seen before. It was so... beautiful... walls turning into slime... all mass in the universe... melting...

That was when I woke up, covered in a layer of papier-mâché. This happens every time a new Opera beta comes out. Seriously, what's up with those widgets?!

Processing 37×100 Robo-Comments:

Blogger L>T gesticulated...

God, I know just how you feel!

5/26/2006 11:56 AM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator gesticulated...

Oh those crazy operas. When will they learn.

5/26/2006 2:44 PM  
Blogger Private Hudson gesticulated...

Do you have any more of that delicious ham-flavored bubble gum? How about the kind with bacon-flavor crystals inside?

5/26/2006 2:45 PM  
Blogger Professor Xavier gesticulated...

Professors are just evil. Intellectuals will be the first against the wall after the revolution!

5/26/2006 3:47 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

¡Viva la revolución!

¡Dónde está mi revolución?

Oh, and the bacon crystals are no longer produced, as they came from the mines of Callisto. Callisto was destroyed in the Modena Uprising.

5/26/2006 3:54 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Opera

5/26/2006 3:58 PM  
Blogger Lee Ann gesticulated...

Be safe and have a great Memorial day weekend!

5/26/2006 4:21 PM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator gesticulated...

Calisto? Like Calisto Flockhart? Didn't she disolve into nothing ala the greek story of Echo. How tragic, except not so much so in Calisto's case.

5/26/2006 4:24 PM  
Blogger Professor Xavier gesticulated...

Did you mean Mr. Eko? I'm glad he survived that big explosion in the hatch. He still has a church to finish.

5/26/2006 4:32 PM  
Blogger L>T gesticulated...

Yay! You figured out that I reverse-encrypted it!

Anyway, I did in fact, get that thing you sent. But I had to destroy it, as it wasn't compliant with the FCC.

5/26/2006 6:31 PM  
Blogger L>T gesticulated...

Honey, you code the code!

5/26/2006 6:35 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

I mean Callisto, the great moon of Jupiter! It may be geologically dead, but its soul lives on in the smile of every child.

5/26/2006 7:49 PM  
Blogger L>T gesticulated...

That is f**king poetry.

5/26/2006 8:30 PM  
Blogger Stunt Double gesticulated...

I'm no fan of Oprah, but I'm hoping to make it on her book club with my new exposé

5/27/2006 12:07 AM  
Blogger Bathroom Hippo gesticulated...



Venus Reborn III: The Gistological Roosevelt.

She shall sell millions.

5/27/2006 6:24 AM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

No! Billions!

5/27/2006 10:43 AM  
Blogger L>T gesticulated...

I have a new game at my blog. come & play.

5/27/2006 12:33 PM  
Blogger L>T gesticulated...

hey jon; that Calisto Flockhart dig was witty.

5/27/2006 2:42 PM  
Blogger damnsle gesticulated...

I have no idea what you are babbling about. The universe cannot end, Jesus loves me.

Do you have any cheese?

5/28/2006 7:31 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

The universe has ended many times already. You just don't know it because your atomic structure hasn't been space-adapted.

5/28/2006 8:28 PM  
Blogger damnsle gesticulated...

My atomic structure is plenty space adapted, thank you very much. I'm just a little bloated right now because i'm getting ready to start in like five minutes, so you can't tell.

By the way, not that this has anything to do with anything else, but I think Fatty Arbuckle didn't do it, and I have an Oompa Lompa living on my block. He annoys me.

5/28/2006 9:23 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Fatty Arbuckle was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Or at least, the right place at the wrong time. The point is, it wasn't his time to shine.

5/28/2006 10:39 PM  
Blogger damnsle gesticulated...

To say the least.

5/29/2006 12:40 AM  
Blogger L>T gesticulated...

i have a question for you.
Do some blogger templates have glitches? I noticed some syles seem to act up. making paragraphs or pictures dissaper.
when i've changed the template, the problem goes away. i've noticed this on other peoples blogs. Do you think Is this just an error in the paticular template?
PS, I looked in blogger help & knowledge & didn't see any thing pertaining to this.

5/29/2006 11:24 AM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Blogger templates are supposed to be written to current standards. As the oldest browser in use, Internet Explorer isn't up to the current standards. That's why Firefox will be the protagonist if the browser wars are ever made into a T.V. show.

5/29/2006 3:01 PM  
Anonymous Rich gesticulated...

Who will play the fat stupid cousin? Who?

5/29/2006 7:51 PM  
Blogger L>T gesticulated...

the stupid fat cousin will be played by, Calisto Flockhart, who will gain hundreds of pounds & it will be such a sensation that my aol home page will look like the front of the National Enquirer x 3.

5/29/2006 9:28 PM  
Blogger angel, jr. gesticulated...

Paper mache can be sexy sometimes. You can't mix it with whipped cream though because it won't wash off with that combination.

5/29/2006 10:48 PM  
Blogger sabatkes gesticulated...

she comes in colors- as Mick would say

5/30/2006 10:56 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Together we weave the delicate tapestry of humanity with our toes and fingers. Now, more than ever, has our expertise been needed. Sans, I say! Sans!

5/31/2006 8:38 AM  
Blogger GrasshopperBoy gesticulated...

aaah yes...this happened to me once...then i just stopped sleeping... these days i just utilize the extra time in shaving furs offa cats to give them that mohawk look

5/31/2006 3:30 PM  
Blogger Bathroom Hippo gesticulated...



Lies!

5/31/2006 3:58 PM  
Anonymous Rich gesticulated...

Ha! You have been silenced by the ever bolded bathroom hippo, or possibly sunbaking under the reflected light of the twin moons that spontaneously appeared in your loungeroom last december. They both have a hypnotic efefefefefefefect.

6/01/2006 8:52 PM  
Blogger Anifanatic gesticulated...

I can't remember the last time my cheese factory repealed the onion ring law. How often does that happen?

6/01/2006 9:58 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Before you can see the trees, you must be the forest. Be the shrub. Be the robot.

6/01/2006 10:48 PM  
Blogger gayrobo gesticulated...

I'm trying, I'm trying!

6/01/2006 11:44 PM  
Blogger Bathroom Hippo gesticulated...



Roboshrub! DestructoBob!

You've killed them!

6/02/2006 9:48 AM