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Ten thousand years of Roboshrub.

Fangs for the memories.

In today’s state, Roboshrub Incorporated is an entity entirely devoted
to the execution of what normal people would refer to as “bad ideas.”

It was the creator’s original idea that all concepts, whether
useful or not, contribute to the global subconscious level of progress
for the human race. Therefore, we contend that no idea is an unfit
idea, and vow to act on each and every one of them.

Roboshrub Inc.
Public Communications Department

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For your insolence, I condemn you to...

Suffer the Fate of a Thousand Bees!
(Before they go extinct)

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Feral Robots

We’ve all heard the legends: children, left unguarded, unprotected, out in the wilderness. They get raised by animals, such as wolves and in the case of Tarzan, gorillas. “But that’s just fiction,” you say. Right? Dead wrong. There have been hundreds of recorded cases of children being raised in isolation. Most of the time these poor whelps cannot develop the means to communicate and assimilate into society at large. Few humans realize that robots also have a similar problem, but it goes much deeper.

“Now just what is he getting at?”

A feral human is merely a terrible waste of potential. But a feral robot is a danger to every living thing on Earth; they aren’t your run-of-the-mill cutesy “Robbie the Robot” types. These are wild, bloodthirsty beasts of burden that should be kept away from children. Rampant computer viruses produced the first batch of feral robots during the 1980s. The LandoVb 1.0 caused three dozen robot dog prototypes to go insane and wreak havoc over northern Tokyo. Unlike feral humans, robots become utterly unreasonable and unstoppable. They also have a powerful taste for human blood, which in their delusional state, they believe to be motor oil.

Don’t feel bad, he has insurance.

Feral robots are drawn to men with beards, for they see Santa Claus as their master. Of course, the Claus’ have taken advantage of the poor insane robots, forcing them to work in the so-called “Santa’s Workshop” facility at the North Pole. We’ve sent expeditions to check the operation out. It’s a total dive! The place is a sweatshop, and the feral robots are all being paid far less than minimum wage. We weren’t allowed in, so we’re relying on accounts given to us by the elves displaced by the new workers. Robots and elves don’t get along, and the sudden employment of hundreds of feral robots during an elfin union strike has only exacerbated the hostility between the two quasi-species. I sometimes wonder how Santa can sleep at night, knowing what he’s done.

Santa really shouldn’t offend anyone who has to dress like that every day.

Processing 12×100 Robo-Comments:

Blogger Bathroom Hippo gesticulated...

One rainy day. In the land of Africa. Lions were attacking. Robots saved my life. In short, I sold their parts to buy some listerine.


4/11/2006 6:13 AM  
Blogger Captain Berk gesticulated...

I never thought I would see the day that Dave Lee Travis gets attacked by a robot.

His blood is actually oil, as is Rick Martin's.

4/11/2006 10:20 AM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Dave Lee Travis is always getting attacked by robots. It's not even on the news anymore, it's become so common.

4/11/2006 11:04 AM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator gesticulated...

Quick, send Lee Majors to save Christmas!

4/11/2006 11:40 AM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

We've tried that. Santa doesn't listen to reason.

4/11/2006 11:57 AM  
Blogger Lee Ann gesticulated...

Beast of burden...I like that song!

4/11/2006 8:36 PM  
Blogger flatlander gesticulated...

We had a feral robot in the neighbourhood. Had to use the 'ol Female Feral Robot Decoy to trap the thing. When that failed we just brought in one of those giant magnets on a crane. Now the thing lives in the tower of city hall. It's his job to change the clock for daylight saving's time.

4/11/2006 9:35 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

That's how Bugs Bunny did it in one of the early cartoons.

Also, for those of you who may be wondering about the new background boxes, Roboshrub said he had no problem with them. Our exact conversation:

[22:21] Gyroboshrub: Probe is funnier.
[22:22] Gyroboshrub: Also, I changed the blog template slightly. Majorly.
[22:22] Airtikae: I saw.
[22:22] Gyroboshrub: Comments?
[22:22] Airtikae: I like it.
[22:22] Gyroboshrub: I thought you would.
[22:22] Gyroboshrub: Each post is now like a little box!
[22:23] Airtikae: YAH!
[22:23] Gyroboshrub: I was sitting around this morning, and thought to myself, "why don't we do this reckless thing?!"
[22:23] Gyroboshrub: Took a few minutes to get the image border right, though. No biggie.

4/11/2006 9:47 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Later that night:

[22:42] Gyroboshrub: CHAINSAW JUGGLER!

4/11/2006 9:48 PM  
Blogger Bathroom Hippo gesticulated...

[23:05] Potamus:
Did you get that thing, I sent ya?

4/12/2006 7:20 AM  
Blogger L>T gesticulated...

I for one am glad Santa is finding a use for these villians If it keeps them off the street.

4/12/2006 9:32 AM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

That's just his excuse. The real money is in public relations.

4/12/2006 3:00 PM