Something incredible happened to me just three days ago, and I’ve been struggling to find a way to explain it.
I can’t go into specifics, but needless to say I have a newspaper from the future.
What eye-opening revelations have I brought back from the day after three days from now? I’m glad you asked! It shows initiative, though I fear I cannot tell you (or anyone else for that matter!) what was in the rest of the paper. Imagine the following conversation:
“Hello,” I say heartily. “I was just in the future.”
You scoff! “That’s not true at all. You’ve always lied to me in the past...”
“But this time is different! Normally I’d be pulling your leg, but today is different somehow.”
“Yesterday you told me that you could time travel, and I believed you, and then you told me you were just lying.”
Now I scoff at you. “Well, pudding tandy! I’ve changed my ways. Here’s prrrrroooof!”
You take one look at the paper and I’m instantly vindicated. But while skimming the front page, you see something you oughtn’t have — and it changes the future.
That’s why all I can show you is the comics section. If I let you know more about the events surrounding the rest of this week, it might cause the space-time continuum to collapse and maybe de-mutate our nation’s ninja turtles.
But if you see men in hazmat suits barging into your neighbors’ house, you’ll know it involves you.
The point is, I’m trying to dispel these vicious rumors that I can’t time-travel. Sure I run the risk of crushing all life into a singularity to validate my ego, but Thomas Hobbes would tell me to go for it. That’s basically Leviathan in a nutshell.
I can’t go into specifics, but needless to say I have a newspaper from the future.
Notice the date — November 25! OooooOOOOOO!
What eye-opening revelations have I brought back from the day after three days from now? I’m glad you asked! It shows initiative, though I fear I cannot tell you (or anyone else for that matter!) what was in the rest of the paper. Imagine the following conversation:
“Hello,” I say heartily. “I was just in the future.”
You scoff! “That’s not true at all. You’ve always lied to me in the past...”
“But this time is different! Normally I’d be pulling your leg, but today is different somehow.”
“Yesterday you told me that you could time travel, and I believed you, and then you told me you were just lying.”
Now I scoff at you. “Well, pudding tandy! I’ve changed my ways. Here’s prrrrroooof!”
You take one look at the paper and I’m instantly vindicated. But while skimming the front page, you see something you oughtn’t have — and it changes the future.
That’s why all I can show you is the comics section. If I let you know more about the events surrounding the rest of this week, it might cause the space-time continuum to collapse and maybe de-mutate our nation’s ninja turtles.
But if you see men in hazmat suits barging into your neighbors’ house, you’ll know it involves you.
The point is, I’m trying to dispel these vicious rumors that I can’t time-travel. Sure I run the risk of crushing all life into a singularity to validate my ego, but Thomas Hobbes would tell me to go for it. That’s basically Leviathan in a nutshell.
I've just come back from the future too. Your future self told me you just mocked that paper up in photoshop. So disappointing.
How come if the paper's from the future, both Dilbert and Peanuts have the same joke that each have used in the past?
Oh wait, nevermind.
Ah, so you all doubt me?! Just read the funnies on Sunday, and tell me where I skipped the disc!
HAPPY THANKSGIVING GYRO!
~XO
LEE ANN
Poughkeepsie journal is a real newspaper & Thomas Hobbes wrote "Leviathan" so...Heck! I believe you.
Are you saying I can finally eat that Y-2k food in the basement?
Damn. You were right about the hazmat men. They extracted what turned out to be radioactive chemicals from the room two doors down.
wait a minute i've worked it out cartoon strips are allways inspired by real life events and dilberts boss is saying something about robots, so from this i can surmise that by the 25th of this month the will be taken over by robots....... but wait whats is it to day the 26th and the world hasn't benn taken over by robots....... nooooooooooo by using my humungous intilect to work this out i've changed the future thus forcing the world to continue living under innept human rule oooooooohhhhhhh curse me curse me........
The future isn't all it cracked up to be. last I checked I still haven't gotten my Hover care, that was supposed to be in my future 1998!!!
Dang You Sci-Fi writters of the 1970S
Woah you grew a beard. Did I uh...miss something?
Did you transcribe our conversation word for word? Really?