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Ten thousand years of Roboshrub.

Fangs for the memories.

In today’s state, Roboshrub Incorporated is an entity entirely devoted
to the execution of what normal people would refer to as “bad ideas.”

It was the creator’s original idea that all concepts, whether
useful or not, contribute to the global subconscious level of progress
for the human race. Therefore, we contend that no idea is an unfit
idea, and vow to act on each and every one of them.

Roboshrub Inc.
Public Communications Department

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For your insolence, I condemn you to...

Suffer the Fate of a Thousand Bees!
(Before they go extinct)

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Honest Abe

(Editor’s note: this poem is reprinted from Harper’s Magazine, Volume 31, Issue 186, November, 1865. It was mailed in by an anonymous author who has never been caught.)

There was once a man, stood six foot ten.
Lived up in the hills since God knows when.
One winter morn he marched into town,
Pullin’ up tree stumps on the way down.

“Honest Abe,” said a withered old man aloud,
“With boots that tattered, would your father be proud?”

Would his father be proud indeed.

So with an Illinois grin and a backwoods grunt,
Ol’ Honest Abe gave his hoppers a jump;
Underneath his soles the frozen ground cracked,
And his weather-worn shoes were reduced to flack.

With his ten-storey hat and ten long fingers,
Honest Abe sure put that flack through the wringer!

He sure put that flack through the wringer.

“My, that’s impressive!” the villagers whooped
As Honest Abe Lincoln held out two pairs of boots!
With pure golden buckles and laces made of silk,
Abe donned one pair, traded the other for milk.

“You goin’ home now, Abe?” the old man waited.
But Abe just stomped off, his milk-hunger sated.

Sated by some 1% milk.

There was no Civil War - just a massacre.


Processing 7×100 Robo-Comments:

Blogger Bathroom Hippo gesticulated...

Haha that's the Abe I know.

How ya been Wall-E-Gyrobo?

7/08/2008 5:29 PM  
Blogger Fred gesticulated...

Doesn't look like "Honest" Abe to me.

7/08/2008 6:22 PM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator gesticulated...

Abraham Lincoln, F--- yeah!

7/08/2008 9:37 PM  
Blogger angel, jr. gesticulated...

What happened to his axe, you know for chopping down cherry trees?

7/14/2008 11:33 AM  
Anonymous George Washington gesticulated...

That was me that chopped down a cherry tree. And it was the only sin I ever committed.

7/15/2008 2:16 AM  
Blogger Professor Xavier gesticulated...

You aren't fooling me. They didn't have poetry back in 1865.

7/29/2008 9:12 PM  
Blogger unregistered text offender gesticulated...

youre quite correct xavier but that can hardly be said to be poetry

8/01/2008 9:56 AM