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In today’s state, Roboshrub Incorporated is an entity entirely devoted
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It was the creator’s original idea that all concepts, whether
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For your insolence, I condemn you to...

Suffer the Fate of a Thousand Bees!
(Before they go extinct)

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2.19.2007

Letters from Hoth 2: Return of the Prince's Hired Help



Dear friends, my journey continues to be both dangerous and mysterious.
Yesterday I went through secret underground tunnels that connect the halls. There are deep cravings in the walls, I can't make out exactly what they mean. With the help of Miss Contact (she got to chose her codename) I've been decoding them. There's some sort of burial rites and... something else, something after. I feel a breakthrough is close but not yet.
Days ago I glimpsed something outside my room. I've taken to staying, locked, in my room. I now know it is no longer safe to stroll outside. Students have taken to prowling outside, hair bursting out of flannel jackets. I'm not sure what they're looking for. Prey? Occasionally they fight over territory. Some are so bestial you can't tell that they'd been human before. Inside the Halls you can see students begin the transformation. They start to wear flannel jackets and grew beards "For the cold".

Except for a direct run to Miss Contact's car-sled I stay inside my room, locked off from the rest of the world, surviving on care package food. I spied something odd through my binoculars hours ago however. Men. Teams of them in all white parkas. I wouldn't have spied them through the gales of snow except for their dark, dark glasses. For the past two hours they've been piling excavation equipment into a maintenance shed. I might have even excused their presence as workers finally doing their jobs. However there are two things that made me question the men's actions. The first is the seer number of white clad workers piling into the small, small shack and not coming out. Secondly, the guns. Every fifth worker had an automatic weapon in hand.

Granted campus is dangerous, with the crazed students pushing down trees and mauling people but... not for a small army. I've contacted Ms. Contact and we've agreed to investigate as soon as possible.
This might be my last letter. Let my family know I went down in a blaze of glory, searching for the truth.
Give my TV to Peachy,
Mr. R9NE

Processing 12×100 Robo-Comments:

Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

I had no idea Hoth was such a den of instinctual squalor!

2/20/2007 11:14 PM  
Blogger Bathroom Hippo gesticulated...



This blog always leads to McDonalds. WHY?!?

P.S> If you're gonna cut Benji's testicles off to stay warm...would you mind picking up his droppings?

2/20/2007 11:43 PM  
Blogger jin gesticulated...

Beards
AND
Flannel

? ? ?

Oh, man...that's just wrong!!!

2/21/2007 5:11 AM  
Blogger Lee Ann gesticulated...

Glad to hear things are starting to thaw....
Men in white coats! (oh, I know where you are!) ;)

Take care of yourself Gyro.
~xo

2/21/2007 9:17 AM  
Blogger L>T gesticulated...

if you have a book of matches & a ball of twine, you'll be OK.

2/21/2007 12:30 PM  
Blogger angel, jr. gesticulated...

Do the men in white coats have big nets?

2/21/2007 12:44 PM  
Blogger G3T Films gesticulated...

Stay inside and keep your doors locked. Their dark glasses can only see FEAR!

2/21/2007 5:06 PM  
Blogger Carmi gesticulated...

Did Ronald McDonald pay royalties for this entry?

Would the Hamburgler date Ronald if employee fraternization were not verboten?

2/21/2007 8:37 PM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator gesticulated...

And I always figured that Starbucks would get to Hoth first.

2/21/2007 9:48 PM  
Blogger Lee Ann gesticulated...

TENTH!!!!
...Oh yeah, I was FOURTH too!
:D

2/23/2007 12:02 AM  
Blogger R2K gesticulated...

I want to invite you to the game of LOST:

Win $5,000!

2/24/2007 8:27 PM  
Blogger Test Casey Jones gesticulated...

I'm taking notes on your behaviors.

Hmmmm... gonna need another pad.

2/24/2007 8:47 PM