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Credits

Ten thousand years of Roboshrub.

Fangs for the memories.




In today’s state, Roboshrub Incorporated is an entity entirely devoted
to the execution of what normal people would refer to as “bad ideas.”

It was the creator’s original idea that all concepts, whether
useful or not, contribute to the global subconscious level of progress
for the human race. Therefore, we contend that no idea is an unfit
idea, and vow to act on each and every one of them.

Roboshrub Inc.
Public Communications Department






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For your insolence, I condemn you to...

Suffer the Fate of a Thousand Bees!
(Before they go extinct)

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12.11.2006

The Book of Parthenogenesis

Officially sanctioned by the First Church of Tax Exempt Status.
  • In the beginning, there was nothing.
  • Then He appeared, out of nowhere, and realized where He was.
  • And that location was the universe.
  • He knew it was the first day, since the digital wristwatch on his hand included a calendar; and on that first day He created matter to occupy the universe, out of the energy latent in his very own beard.
  • Beardless and lonely, He punched a series of plasma clouds until they could stand it no longer, and thus the sun was born.
  • At first He was unsure of the nature of his creation, and tried to put people directly on the sun.
  • It ended badly.
  • Seized by a compulsion to use His powers to build majestic landscapes that could be admired from space (which is where He lived), He stuck a gargantuan finger in His ear and from that wax sculpted eight perfect planets of varying size; a series of sneezes resulted in two rings of snot around the sun, which coalesced into the asteroid and Kuiper belts, respectively.
  • That was the first day; on the second, He went to the third planet and created mountains and oceans and birds and trees and the free market.
  • By the third day He was exhausted and decided to finish the other planets later.
  • On the seventh day, He decided the other planets just “weren’t worth the trouble” and used genetic engineering to turn a field of algae into the first humans to do the terraforming for him; but the humans were flawed.
  • They were morons.
  • So He buried a bunch of dinosaur bones just to mess with them, and He’s never been seen in person since.

Processing 19×100 Robo-Comments:

Blogger jin gesticulated...

*jin laughs hysterically*

I'd like to become a member of the robochurch please.

Do I have to make an offering first?

12/11/2006 10:44 PM  
Blogger His Majesty gesticulated...

All thou needs is a pure heart and an open wallet.

12/11/2006 11:02 PM  
Blogger Roboshrub Incorporated gesticulated...

SCIENCE! Science is the true religion! And philosophy.

Do not buy into his misanthropy!

12/11/2006 11:15 PM  
Blogger His Majesty gesticulated...

I declare you a heretic and fine you YOUR VERY SOUL!

12/11/2006 11:27 PM  
Blogger Roboshrub Incorporated gesticulated...

I'll see you in petty claims court, you self-righteous tyrant!

12/12/2006 12:01 AM  
Blogger His Majesty gesticulated...

The courts are in my pocket.
So file your precious docket.
I'll beat the press
With a smiling caress
And send you the bill on a rocket.

12/12/2006 12:09 AM  
Blogger Roboshrub Incorporated gesticulated...

HAH! Most Honorable Judge Flowerpants is FAR too sensible to enforce your neo-libertanian fearmongering. You'd need to get the attorney general on my case, if you wanted my soul.

12/12/2006 12:35 AM  
Blogger A Army Of (Cl)One gesticulated...

Uhhh Robots have souls? I didn't think clones had souls, so what are the chance of a robot having one?


No really what are the chances? 1 in 3721? or what? Tell me and I'll get you into a Taco Bell of your choosing.

12/12/2006 1:21 AM  
Blogger Bathroom Hippo gesticulated...


For your information not all of the scientific community agrees that Pluto is not considered a planet!

12/12/2006 2:30 AM  
Blogger Metapirate gesticulated...

If Pluto be a planet, we'd all be eatin' steak!

12/12/2006 10:03 AM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator gesticulated...

Will the church teach me to release my inner Thetan?

12/12/2006 10:29 PM  
Blogger L>T gesticulated...

why do you always have to have a quip? that's what I want to know.

his majesty is looking a little worn out lately. I'm thinking he used to be perkyer.

12/12/2006 11:10 PM  
Anonymous Rich gesticulated...

Morons are under-rated. I've been one all my life and I've terraformed at least one planet, I think, it may just have been someones backyard. Terraformed means to have thrown-up on doesn't it?

12/13/2006 8:30 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Don't spill the NesQuik!

12/13/2006 9:02 PM  
Blogger unregistered text offender gesticulated...

i say those he placed on the sun survived i say the even now plot our demise, for it is they who are behind globam warming.

12/18/2006 11:08 AM  
Anonymous george bush gesticulated...

see i told you it wasn't my fault.

12/18/2006 11:09 AM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Those global warmers are in our schools, our pottery stores, and our very houses!

12/18/2006 1:13 PM  
Blogger unregistered text offender gesticulated...

global warming! don't make me laugh, i was speaking of the far more imminant threat of globam warming.

12/19/2006 10:29 AM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Global Warming!

12/19/2006 10:47 AM