In today’s state, Roboshrub Incorporated is an entity entirely devoted
to the execution of what normal people would refer to as “bad ideas.”
It was the creator’s original idea that all concepts, whether
useful or not, contribute to the global subconscious level of progress
for the human race. Therefore, we contend that no idea is an unfit
idea, and vow to act on each and every one of them.
Roboshrub Inc. Public Communications Department
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For your insolence, I condemn you to...
Suffer the Fate of a Thousand Bees! (Before they go extinct)
Officially sanctioned by the First Church of Tax Exempt Status.
In the beginning, there was nothing.
Then He appeared, out of nowhere, and realized where He was.
And that location was the universe.
He knew it was the first day, since the digital wristwatch on his hand included a calendar; and on that first day He created matter to occupy the universe, out of the energy latent in his very own beard.
Beardless and lonely, He punched a series of plasma clouds until they could stand it no longer, and thus the sun was born.
At first He was unsure of the nature of his creation, and tried to put people directly on the sun.
It ended badly.
Seized by a compulsion to use His powers to build majestic landscapes that could be admired from space (which is where He lived), He stuck a gargantuan finger in His ear and from that wax sculpted eight perfect planets of varying size; a series of sneezes resulted in two rings of snot around the sun, which coalesced into the asteroid and Kuiper belts, respectively.
That was the first day; on the second, He went to the third planet and created mountains and oceans and birds and trees and the free market.
By the third day He was exhausted and decided to finish the other planets later.
On the seventh day, He decided the other planets just “weren’t worth the trouble” and used genetic engineering to turn a field of algae into the first humans to do the terraforming for him; but the humans were flawed.
They were morons.
So He buried a bunch of dinosaur bones just to mess with them, and He’s never been seen in person since.