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Ten thousand years of Roboshrub.

Fangs for the memories.

In today’s state, Roboshrub Incorporated is an entity entirely devoted
to the execution of what normal people would refer to as “bad ideas.”

It was the creator’s original idea that all concepts, whether
useful or not, contribute to the global subconscious level of progress
for the human race. Therefore, we contend that no idea is an unfit
idea, and vow to act on each and every one of them.

Roboshrub Inc.
Public Communications Department

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For your insolence, I condemn you to...

Suffer the Fate of a Thousand Bees!
(Before they go extinct)

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Product #2770-54c “Skyward Catapult”

When punk rock singer/songwriter Grand Wizir Todo and his band, The Insaniteers, asked us to provide the pyrotechnics on their 2005 “Rockin’ ’Round the Riverbend” tour, we immediately agreed. Our company’s love of punk rock is legendary; our love of pyrotechnics is infinite. And seeing as how this presented us with the opportunity to market our Punk Rock Soap Dispenser (available only through our psychic catalog) while at the same time getting a budding rock band under a cast-iron contract, it was the perfect win-lose situation.

Magic Soap
Seriously, we couldn't even give those dispensers away, even with free birthday cake.

Way back in 1945, after the second world war ended, the Roboshrub Product Refinement Department set to work on an atomic-based fireworks launcher at the behest of the U.S. government. The launcher would have been a strategic asset, letting the soviets know that only capitalism yielded the most succulent fireworks. Posters were made, and news reels staring Senator McCarthy as the Football coach. It was Harry Truman’s surefire re-election plan, you see. The 22nd amendment exempted him from term limits, so he could have won another go as President. And he would have gotten away with it, too. So what stopped him? Why didn’t the atomic-based fireworks launcher take off as planned?

Wendell Sunwell, that’s why. He was our company’s sole atomic expert, a master of the radioactive arts. When he was lost at sea in 1947, we could no longer proceed with the project. Only Sunwell understood the complexity of the barbecue-based triggering mechanism. We tried to continue the project, but setback after setback forced us to abandon our efforts. Harry Truman was forced to likewise abandon his dreams of surpassing Franklin Roosevelt as the only five-term U.S. president... he never recovered.

Harry Truman
Harry Truman, c.a. 1953

Which brings us back to the Skyward Catapult. Two days after we were contacted by Grand Wizir Todo, a maintenance worker was almost crushed in the Roboshrub Inc. Storage Catacombs, hundreds of miles beneath the Earth’s crust. While we’ve fired him for his incompetence, the box he knocked over contained the unfinished papers and models of the Sunwell Project. Handing the artifacts to our new Product Re-engineer Christina Dockers, we thought parts of it could be salvaged and reused to help illuminate Grand Wizir Todo’s tour effects.

We got more than we bargained for. Christina used modern computer technology to quickly duplicate Sunwell’s experiments, and the project was completely finished in time for The Insaniteers’ first performance in Bangalore. There was a lot of last-minute nail biting. A lot of obsessive compulsive testing and retesting of controls, fiddling with the knobs and whatnot. And then... magic.


White light forked through the fading purple sky, burning through the rainbow as it stretched over the horizon. Like the Oroboros, the light bent, folding back in on its origin. As it crunched down, photons burst forth in a shimmering nova sphere. Particles of red and green floated down, disappearing before they reached the crowd. Silence filled the stadium. Grand Wizir Todo looked over at me, a mixed expression of embarrassment, failure, and anger on his face. Three seconds later the collective blast of cheers nearly threw him from the stage.

Welts covered our eardrums by the end of the concert, but it was totally worth it. The pyrotechnic display system was used eight more times during The Insaniteers’ tour, resulting in an exponential increase in fanbase. We even managed to sell our surplus soap dispensers!

While selling fireworks themselves are illegal in many parts of the developed world, it remains perfectly legal to sell the basic components of our pyrotechnic display system. These components will be bundled together under the ubiquitous brand label, “Skyward Catapult” and will be available for home use late this November, just before Thanksgiving in a lovely Sunwell commemorative box set. For pre-purchasing information, contact your local bus depot. Intended for home use only. Do not aim directly at face.

Processing 42×100 Robo-Comments:

Blogger Lee Ann gesticulated...

Wow, the description of the fireworks in the sky....I could visualize it!

Your animation is superb too!

8/17/2006 8:25 PM  
Blogger L>T gesticulated...

There is something 'smurfy' about this post...I can't put my finger on it...but something is 'smurfy'

8/17/2006 9:22 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Hey, if the Simpsons can make people weird colors, so can I. And I can do it faster, and more efficiently, and in PNG format. Can Matt Groening?!

8/17/2006 9:37 PM  
Anonymous Matt Groening gesticulated...

Yes, yes I can!

But I prefer it when Robots do it, they aren't protected under current labor laws.

I shall be contacting my local Bus depot.

8/17/2006 11:39 PM  
Blogger ticharu gesticulated...

Hey Hey! Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek??? Cuz they won't be working in the future either!

I didn't really have anything to say, and Wife-Slave is reading me jokes, so I thought I'd share...

But is it funny??? I don't know anyone from Puerto Rico.

8/18/2006 9:12 AM  
Blogger R2K gesticulated...

: ) I want those!

You know some nuclear tests were like fireworks displays: high altitude tests cause very pretty (but silent) shows including glowing clouds, bright flashes, disrupted radio, and cancer.

8/18/2006 9:19 AM  
Blogger Roboshrub Incorporated gesticulated...

I've been tov Puerto Rico. They work very hard for substandard living conditions. They're lucky if they have electricity.

On a happier note, France is going to Washington!

8/18/2006 11:04 AM  
Blogger A Army Of (Cl)One gesticulated...

I was hoping the "skyward Catapult" was going to be some thing that threw items, like rocks, cows or Dick Cheney, up to the sky. But alas I have been once again disapointed by Roboshrub, Inc.

Atomice fireworks, Bah. Like I can't pick some of those up at Wahl Meart.

8/18/2006 1:30 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

A mere department store cannot match our purchasing power! King me! King me!

8/18/2006 3:11 PM  
Blogger Professor Xavier gesticulated...

You know what I like about fireworks? Blowing stuff up.

8/18/2006 9:57 PM  
Blogger L>T gesticulated...

Jiminey Xmas! are you working for those guys?(matt groening) I'll have you know my speakers were turned up. It scared the hell out of me. i shall be contacting my Lawyer.(at the bus depot)

8/18/2006 10:23 PM  
Blogger Legolas gesticulated...

Otters aren't awesome, they're Ottsome.

8/19/2006 12:41 PM  
Blogger flatlander gesticulated...

Does all this have anything to do with the missing video tapes of the lunar landing mission (version 1)?

8/19/2006 12:53 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

The lunar landing was filmed on location in beautiful sunny Roboshrub Acres.

8/19/2006 1:29 PM  
Blogger jin gesticulated...

But, can I aim them directly at other peoples faces?

8/20/2006 3:26 AM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Our lawyers say "yes."

But we've been docking their pay for years.

8/20/2006 8:56 AM  
Blogger Professor Xavier gesticulated...

Nb/e"mj6ecgf/ e`nehf?lfabn*

8/20/2006 9:58 AM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Nb/e'mj6e b`2/ e'pegfh/gfabn*

8/20/2006 11:29 AM  
Blogger L>T gesticulated...

jl"/eCeb`?e /4eflenb/e"`majebjg?ejce`eam/bjrl?e'r

8/20/2006 2:22 PM  
Blogger Professor Xavier gesticulated...

Hj6enb`nef e`eajj?e njmp*

8/20/2006 3:19 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Cenbflie,l"mpknjmef enb/e'/ nenbflaeCe/2/me"j?/?*eGr necf2/e /"jl? e`aj&eCe6` egjjiflaecjme`eorf"iekg`"/enje n` be`ec/6egfl/ ejce)gjaa/me"j?/*

Ce `2/?efnefleb/m/1

B`1eJrgnfkg/er / 1eCedr ne6f benb/m/e6` e`e6`penje njm/ehjm/enb`leteifgj'pn/ *

8/20/2006 3:26 PM  
Blogger L>T gesticulated...


/4ejlenb/eDm/pbjrl?*eOma/ln&e"m`hk/?e!e h/ggp&el//?efe `pehjm/{

8/20/2006 4:32 PM  
Blogger jin gesticulated...

C;heL,>FFVegj2flaenbf 111
Aj/ enb`neh`i/eh/e`ea//ie
?j/ enb`neh`i/eh/e"jjg{

Nb`n; e2/mpej??*

8/20/2006 8:27 PM  
Blogger L>T gesticulated...

j??ef enb/eelf"/e6`penjekrnefn*e
Q/e`ggeb`2/e`e jm?f?ek` n&emfabn{

8/20/2006 8:46 PM  
Blogger jin gesticulated...

Cn; e6b`neCecfgge

8/20/2006 9:39 PM  
Blogger Professor Xavier gesticulated...

I'2fjr gpe,l"mpknjmef edr nek`mnejcepjrme/2fgemj'jnekgjnenjen`i/ej2/menb/e6jmg?ejl/er /me`ne`enfh/&eDpmj'j*

8/20/2006 10:10 PM  
Blogger Professor Xavier gesticulated...

>l?e` ec`menb/eDm/pbjrl?eUeCe"jrg?e //e`e'`"ie /`nerl?/me jh/e'g`li/n ejmeh`p'/eflenb/em/ nmjjh&e'rne6bpenb/e'`aa`a/e"jhk`mnh/ln{eNb`ne"`l;ne'/e2/mpe"jl?r"f2/enjekg/` rm/*eOlg/ epjreb`?egj ne`e'/nejme jh/nbfla*

8/20/2006 10:11 PM  
Anonymous Rich gesticulated...

€l"mpknømeb` e`g6`p er /?ebpklj f &ejme jeC;2/eb/`m?&efn; eljne jehr"be`le/2fgemj'jnekg`le'rnenb/e f?/e/cc/"nejce`le`nn/hknenje'mflae?j6lenb/enj'`""jegj''pf n er flaenb/ekj6/mejcenb/ehfl?e`l?eh`af"e"bf"i/l *ee

€l"mpknømef enb/e'/ n1eeOlcjmnrl`n/gpeCelj6ec//gegfi/e hji/?e"bf"i/lecjmegrl"b*

8/20/2006 11:59 PM  
Blogger L>T gesticulated...

kmjc/ jm-efn; e"`gg/?e `2flaehjl/p*erlcjmnrl`n/gpe^jmecjmnrl`n/gp&ebj6/2/mepjregjjie`nefn$epjrel/2/meilj6e6bjepjrehfabneh//nefle"gj /e?`mieor`mn/m *e jh/nfh/ enbfla edr nekjkerk*

L/hfl? eh/ejcenb/enfh/eCe6` e nr"ieflee'`"iejce`e"`nng/e"`me6fnbezueh/4f"`l *e

8/21/2006 12:22 AM  
Blogger Bathroom Hippo gesticulated...

It's raining it's pouring the Roboshrub is conspiring.

Yah I own the copyright to that.

8/21/2006 4:19 AM  
Blogger Roboshrub Incorporated gesticulated...

Conspiring or inspiring?
Old Spice or Winning Dice?

8/21/2006 10:57 AM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

C;?egfi/enjenbflienb`nejl/e?`p&e?/"`?/ ecmjhelj6&ecrnrm/ebrh`l e6fggea`q/erkjlenbf ekj ne`l?e'/e"jlcjrl?/?e'penb/ /e/l"mpknfjl*

~Q/ehr neb`2/e'mji/lefne6fnbejrmecrnrmf nf"en/"bljgjap1~enb/p;gge `p*e>l?enb/lenb/p;gge6//k&ecjm/2/mekjl?/mflaenb/ebf njmf"`gem/g/2`l"/ejcenb/ecjmajnn/le"jln/ln *

8/21/2006 3:21 PM  
Blogger A Army Of (Cl)One gesticulated...

"~Q/ehr neb`2/e'mji/lefne6fnbejrmecrnrmf nf"en/"bljgjap1~enb/p;gge `p*e>l?"

LMAO, That has got to be the funniest thing you have eversaid. Are you even allowed to that something like that with one of those?

8/21/2006 6:14 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Jpeg`6p/m e`?2f /eh/eljnenje`l 6/menb`n*

)rnep/ *eV/ eCe?j*

8/21/2006 6:32 PM  
Anonymous Rich gesticulated...

I wish this was €ncryptørated

8/21/2006 7:32 PM  
Blogger L>T gesticulated...

How far is too far? That's all I want to know.

8/22/2006 12:37 PM  
Blogger Professor Xavier gesticulated...

That thing with the Mexicans might have been too far.

8/22/2006 3:58 PM  
Blogger L>T gesticulated...

yeah, jeez i can hardly believe i said that myself. That darn Tourettes It coulda been the pills, though.

8/22/2006 4:33 PM  
Blogger jin gesticulated...

YAY! Your blog works in Opera now!
(A couple weeks ago I couldn't see comments or customize.)

YAY! I can hear the robot voice again.

8/23/2006 10:31 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Yeah, a while ago it wasn't working in Internet Explorer or Opera. I found that out thanks to the infamous Bathroom Hippo, and was able to find the exact problem with Opera's Error Console.

Now, for some reason, it works best in Opera.

8/23/2006 10:47 PM  
Blogger Professor Xavier gesticulated...

Hmm, I'm using IE and I'm not hearing it. Haven't in a while, actually.

8/24/2006 4:05 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

We had a poll a while ago about whether to keep the robot voice. A majority didn't like it, so it's not enabled by default. If you want to hear it, you need to click the "customize" link at the top of the blog.

8/24/2006 6:52 PM