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Ten thousand years of Roboshrub.

Fangs for the memories.




In today’s state, Roboshrub Incorporated is an entity entirely devoted
to the execution of what normal people would refer to as “bad ideas.”

It was the creator’s original idea that all concepts, whether
useful or not, contribute to the global subconscious level of progress
for the human race. Therefore, we contend that no idea is an unfit
idea, and vow to act on each and every one of them.

Roboshrub Inc.
Public Communications Department






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For your insolence, I condemn you to...

Suffer the Fate of a Thousand Bees!
(Before they go extinct)

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1.22.2006

Failed Sociological Experiments #1-10

As a fully accredited sociologist, it is my duty to study the human condition in all it's forms. This includes intentionally provoking others through amazingly contrived situations, thereby forcing them to accept ideas beyond their current thought-processes. The following are failed experiments that resulted in lawsuits and/or property damage.


Failed Sociological Experiment #1: Operation Darwin

Purpose of Experiment: To study humans in their natural habitat.

Hypothesis: Humans tend to form complex social interactions when left to their own devices.

Findings: No findings. Hidden ceiling camera discovered by several subjects.


Failed Sociological Experiment #2: Mr. Critical

Purpose of Experiment: To record the reaction of several people to harsh, loud criticism by a complete stranger.

Hypothesis: Some people will be too perplexed to protest; others will sharply defend themselves against unwanted criticism.

Findings: Store managers ask you to leave when they see you screaming at customers.


Failed Sociological Experiment #3: Call of the Wild

Purpose of Experiment: Go through a public zoo with a silent dog whistle. Record the reactions of people when you use it.

Hypothesis: When the pandas start tearing each other apart, someone will tell you to knock it off.

Findings: Crowds love dueling pandas.


Failed Sociological Experiment #4: Bootless Bootlegging

Purpose of Experiment: Go through a security checkpoint to Mexico with an empty car. Go through the same checkpoint later with about twenty bags of sand, and act suspicious. Repeat each day for two weeks.

Hypothesis: The government is willing to spend thousands of dollars and dozens of hours investigating bags of sand.

Findings: Homeland Security detention centers are cold.


Failed Sociological Experiment #5: Come Again?

Purpose of Experiment: Ask someone for directions. Then, ask them to repeat what they just said. Keep asking them to repeat themselves until they give up and leave. Find out how long that takes.

Hypothesis: People will think you either have a serious memory problem, or are messing with them.

Findings: 45% of participants thought they were on a hidden camera show.


Failed Sociological Experiment #6: Tammany Hall

Purpose of Experiment: Pick a random member of Congress and send him/her letters accusing him/her of corruption. Find out if that member of Congress will personally respond to such outlandish accusations.

Hypothesis: No one in Congress has the kind of time to respond to baseless accusations.

Findings: Homeland Security detention centers are really cold.


Failed Sociological Experiment #7: Pen Pals

Purpose of Experiment: Wait until one in the morning. Then, look through your phone book for someone that lives a few miles away. Call them and claim to be from another country and ask to be pen pals.

Hypothesis: Most people will politely explain the difference in time zones and ask that they call back later.

Findings: People with Caller ID aren't so polite.


Failed Sociological Experiment #8: Beam Me Up

Purpose of Experiment: Find out how much the average person knows about Star Trek and thinks about Star Trek fans.

Hypothesis: The average person is neutral towards Star Trek, yet despises its fans (trekkies).

Findings: Although only 28% of subjects think trekkies are “nerds”, 79% feel that Star Trek fans do not exercise much. A whopping 61% believed that Star Trek and Star Wars were created by the same person.


Failed Sociological Experiment #9: Armageddon

Purpose of Experiment: Find out how many people think the world will end in the next couple of years.

Hypothesis: No one could be gullible enough to think that, given all our advanced technology and ingenuity, the world will end.

Findings: The world is ready for Armageddon insurance.


Failed Sociological Experiment #10: A Rose by Any Other Name

Purpose of Experiment: Strike up a conversation with a complete stranger. During the conversation, make up words. Record whether the person asks the meaning of the word or derives its meaning from the context.

Hypothesis: The more real a word sounds, the more likely it is that the subject will derive its meaning.

Findings: Freudian slips make this experiment unfeastible.


Processing 20×100 Robo-Comments:

Blogger Bathroom Hippo gesticulated...




That was you at the zoo?




1/21/2006 6:29 PM  
Blogger sabatkes gesticulated...

#2 had been done by my hubby at the local crap-ass Wal-Mart. They had a part to a small table we needed. Needless to say, we went at a time when the extremely lazy and stupid where there. We couldn't get someone to help us. Took forever for them to retrieve what we needed! So we get in line and this woman is arguing for a price difference of .3! The hubby started screaming ather, the clerk and the other shoppers. I was laughing at his freak out, so we had to go. He then slammed .25 on the counter to the woman and just stormed out! I'm sure the security guards watch the tape over and over again for laughs.
Lesson learned- never ever step foot into Wal-Mart.

1/22/2006 11:51 PM  
Blogger Stan gesticulated...

Gyrobo, there is a way to put script tags in your posting.

It is an unorthodox method, but it works.

Simply put the script in, hit publish. Then when it gives you the error message, click your template tab, save, and republish.

Magic.

1/23/2006 12:23 AM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer gesticulated...

Hmm...

Now I'm wondering if those yuppies with the bratty kids (spank those !@#$%^& kids already!) at the Sushi restaurant a few hours ago were really doing a sociological experiment on us.

1/23/2006 2:07 AM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Hey- it worked! I can put scripts in posts! However did you find such a useful (and archaic) feature?

1/23/2006 9:40 AM  
Blogger angel, jr. gesticulated...

Were any of those experiments done by "Boiling Points" on MTV?

1/23/2006 12:18 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

No, but if it was, I'd expect royalties.

1/23/2006 12:43 PM  
Blogger flatlander gesticulated...

Hey, that's a rad new header feature!

If you smuggle enough sand across the border, the Mexicans will have nowhere left to live.

1/23/2006 2:34 PM  
Blogger Lee Ann gesticulated...

I would have spotted the hidden camera! haha

1/23/2006 6:04 PM  
Blogger Fred gesticulated...

Can I hire you? We need help at school.

1/23/2006 7:13 PM  
Blogger Bill the Apostle gesticulated...

This is why Jesus doesnt let robots into heaven

1/23/2006 7:26 PM  
Blogger L>T gesticulated...

Those were great.

I like to dress like a really weird bag lady & go around town.

Findings? Everyone totally ignores you, unless you start picking your ass, then they pretend to ignore you.

1/23/2006 7:27 PM  
Blogger Stan gesticulated...

Archaic?
Well I stumbled upon it of course, as most great discoveries. But I'd Like to see what you did with my help.

1/23/2006 10:50 PM  
Blogger Fred gesticulated...

thats funny, you're funny.

make me toast for i hunger!

1/24/2006 4:40 AM  
Blogger unregistered text offender gesticulated...

"unfeastible."
me no understand, misspelling me thinks or perhaps in joke.

check me out at
www.vst.blogspot.com

1/24/2006 10:06 AM  
Blogger His Majesty gesticulated...

Curse you once again, Gyrobo! Your putridly-crafted so-called "Super Secret Upgrade" is nothing more than a cheap parlor trick!

You've angered the numerous and unspecific robot gods. As their lieutenant on the Blogosphere, I cannot let this stand.

Sans! Sans, I say!

1/24/2006 10:44 AM  
Blogger Bhakti gesticulated...

First of all, I absolutely LOVE His Majesty--he's such a sardonic freak of a robot!!! God bless him...yada yada...

I think this is your best post ever!!! I LOVE #3!! I think I will go out and buy a dog whistle!!

You have such an incredible brain, Gyrobo! I think we shall one day see it preserved in a jar at the Smithsonian! (Is that gross??)

1/24/2006 11:08 AM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Gross means never having to say "stop hitting me with my own intestines!"

1/24/2006 11:17 AM  
Blogger Roboshrub Incorporated gesticulated...

Wow, noone noticed this was a repost. YAY US!

1/24/2006 10:02 PM  
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7/30/2010 3:36 AM