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Ten thousand years of Roboshrub.

Fangs for the memories.

In today’s state, Roboshrub Incorporated is an entity entirely devoted
to the execution of what normal people would refer to as “bad ideas.”

It was the creator’s original idea that all concepts, whether
useful or not, contribute to the global subconscious level of progress
for the human race. Therefore, we contend that no idea is an unfit
idea, and vow to act on each and every one of them.

Roboshrub Inc.
Public Communications Department

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For your insolence, I condemn you to...

Suffer the Fate of a Thousand Bees!
(Before they go extinct)

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I'm Back

Whoa, did time just slip up there? Seems like just yesterday I punched a stegosaurus in the knee and stole his roller skates. I attribute my lapse of several years to a bad taco.

The Blogosphere is indeed a changed place. For one thing, it's no longer called the Blogosphere, outside the hipster subculture. That's another thing that's sprung up, those hipsters. Let me tell you, I was decrying the mainstream zeitgeist when those sheeple were still in light-up sneakers, waxing their cowlicks for the third grade class photo. And what did it profit me? Self-satisfaction isn't very satisfying if you can't throw it in the faces of all those who irk you, past, present, and future. It's the future irkers I really can't stand; they sit in potential judgement, and always will.

So, how about that weather? Here at Roboshrub Incorporated we're doing our best — our absolute, level best — to contribute to global warming. When our founder's great-great-great-great-grandfather, Hiram Plutarch "Radical Rex" Roboshrub, left the company to his grandson because his son was an unreliable, amoral crackpot, his dying words were: "By golly, I sure love Venus. Try to make Earth more like it, won't you?"

At the time it was thought that beneath its bright clouds, Venus was a woodland paradise. Now we know better, and we've answered Radical Rex's cryptic clarion call to chlorinate the chaotic oceans. That's why it was just so disheartening when that pesky polar vortex slithered across my America like a snake on a skating rink. Fortunately, my Director of Heat assures me that global warming just means more extreme weather, not perpetually warm weather. I disputed that, and immediately hired a new director who has vowed to change the climate to be more favorable to my viewpoint. It's already working, if my divining rod is any indication.

In conclusion, hello. It's been great seeing you people again — except for you (you know who you are), but I've got to run. They're opening a KFC in my honor in Beijing, and if I'm late I won't get a free biscuit. Parting advice: keep a sweater nearby at all times, especially the beach. And get a haircut, you hippie.

Processing 13×100 Robo-Comments:

Blogger jin gesticulated...

I <3 your hipster beard!

I have to do a real update too... big changes abound! Midwest, east coast, west coast, third time's a charm?!

Heeeeey... is that a PBR in your pocket or are you just happy to see me???

2/14/2014 9:15 AM  
Blogger Professor Xavier gesticulated...

Personally, as someone living in New York, I wouldn't mind things being a few degrees warmer.

It's good to see you back in action.

2/14/2014 3:11 PM  
Blogger Unknown gesticulated...

Hi Jin!

I'm back too!!!

This has been such a fabulous week!

First I'm in touch with PradeepK...he gets me in touch with Miladysa...and new my Little Metal Guy is back!


I missed you all.

So much Love!

(Is there a limit to how many exclamation marks one can use per Comment? LOL)

2/15/2014 3:57 PM  
Blogger Unknown gesticulated...

Gyrobocop-- Your writing is sublime! Please keep posting. And yes, I too have been weathering the onslaught of modern young folk co opting Converse Sneakers, the same ones I used to get ridiculed for wearing back in the day when I wore them because I loved The Ramones. Yes, the same period who ridiculed me are now wearing them, as well as their offspring. Hey, the more the merrier! But the price increase in this trend is horrifying. Joey is turning over in his grave, singing, "Gaba Gaba NOT!"

In other news, my hometown has been blanketed with 33 inches of snow this week, give or take twenty inches. Get that diving rid in order, dear brother robot.

Enjoy your biscuit.


2/15/2014 4:04 PM  
Blogger JM gesticulated...

Welcome back!!

2/18/2014 9:03 PM  
Blogger CABE gesticulated...

Wake Up, Percy Gloom!

2/24/2014 10:48 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

@Jin: Why can't it be both?

@Professor X: It sucks double for me because I had to come back to New York after being in New Orleans for a week. I went from shorts to pea coats in a day.

@Bhakti: That's taller than some children, and I think I'll use "snowfalls" as a term of measurement from now on.

@Angel: Great to be back!

@Cabe: I remember getting Percy Gloom after reading a review on BoingBoing. Really great artwork, loved the story too.

3/02/2014 10:01 PM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator gesticulated...

Gyrobo you're back! Yay! I totally missed you and stuff.

Oh and do you have that 5 space bucks you owe me?

3/03/2014 11:08 AM  
Blogger wallycrawler gesticulated...

I got a haircut and have been properly manscaped.. I can now trade fraudulent debentures to widowed retirees... They love that look!

3/04/2014 5:03 PM  
Blogger Nepharia gesticulated...

Oh Henchy, how we have missed you. -Nepharia

5/06/2014 8:48 PM  
Blogger Ticharu gesticulated...

Yowza! It's been ages! Ticharu doesn't have legs anymore, it's a spam site, might want to delete the link, just so you know :)

What's up? Blogs are so 2006, I've lost all me bloggin' skills since then. Hope yer well!

5/24/2014 7:35 AM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Well, that attempt to restart my blogging career didn't really pan out, did it?

10/27/2014 11:39 PM  
Blogger Kirsten N. Namskau gesticulated...

Can we be blogfriends? Almost all my blogfriends have stopped blogging because of harassments.
You can find me at

Regards Kirsten Namskau

1/29/2015 9:20 AM