Price: One Oxglove Dollar
Hey, everybody! You remember when you were seven years old and your family made you think they’d forgotten your birthday, only to throw the biggest party ever?! You know what I’m talking about, that day your parents took you to get inoculated against some tropical plague while the rest of your relatives turned your house into an Olympic-sized ballpit?!
Well, the county legislature has decided to treat you all to that kind of “clown on a trampoline” surprise — after two years of repeated misconduct and malfeasance complaints, the Oxglove county legislature decided yesterday to hold a surprise election tomorrow!
Many less-than-patriotic citizens have been clamoring for reform since elections were postponed indefinitely six years ago due to some light rain. Among dissidents’ protests are the legislature’s minting of a private county currency, tax codes that heavily favor members of the legislature, and strident rules limiting government positions to family members of current legislators.
Other complaints against county government include judges issuing injunctions forcing people to buy dogs, the closure of all post offices, public schools constantly changing their operating hours, and the county fire department’s policy of exclusively hiring people with an intense fear of fire, axes and helmets.
The election is expected to quell naysaying by 40% over the next three years.
Ballots will be available at the county legislature between 12:00 PM and 13:00 PM on February 29, 2010. Only ballots with valid dates and times will be accepted.