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Ten thousand years of Roboshrub.

Fangs for the memories.

In today’s state, Roboshrub Incorporated is an entity entirely devoted
to the execution of what normal people would refer to as “bad ideas.”

It was the creator’s original idea that all concepts, whether
useful or not, contribute to the global subconscious level of progress
for the human race. Therefore, we contend that no idea is an unfit
idea, and vow to act on each and every one of them.

Roboshrub Inc.
Public Communications Department

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For your insolence, I condemn you to...

Suffer the Fate of a Thousand Bees!
(Before they go extinct)

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Bland Ambition

What do you get when you combine blind ambition with a grand design?

TIME’S UP! Have no fear, I don’t fault you for not knowing; I barely know, myself. And yet that very question needled at me this last month, driving me further and further away from you, my loyal readers.

Instead of scriving new and potentially hilarious blog posts on a wide range of topics, I’ve spent this last semester on a group project to design a web-based system for [REDACTED].

The specifics of my group project are immaterial. Anyone who asks is already a spy for one of the other, lesser groups, whose trite attempts at web design are much less impressive than their mind control techniques. They will break you.

I’ve already said too much.

The end result of the project is twofold: first, my college now has access to a marvelous system capable of [REDACTED] that will in all likelihood never see the light of day. And second, I now have a more complete understanding of PHP and SQL.

With this knowledge under my belt, I can finally do what I’ve always wanted to do my entire life, since last Thursday: I’m going to build a blogging service.

*shocked whispers*

Pick up those jaws! Because you’re going to need them to tell your friends about my currently unnamed blogging service that doesn’t exist and will almost certainly be inferior to the competition.

Every time I gain some new skill, I immediately build a major project around it. For those of you Doubting Thomases who don’t think I can deliver, your crackpot theories of my alleged unreliability may be confirmed here — the exception that proves the rule.

I’m currently enrolled for a very labor-intensive writing course this summer, but I’ll have a window of two weeks beforehand to build a service comparable to Blogger. If I can’t get it done, then you’ll have to wait until August to fully appreciate my brilliance and magnificence.

Until then, remember to tip your hats, cows and waiters.

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Processing 2×100 Robo-Comments:

Blogger SafeTinspector gesticulated...

I am also doing work for [REDACTED]. Small world, eh?
My assignments which involve [REDACTED] are ancillary to your own [REDACTED] [REDACTIONS] and serve more as a coagulant, or perhaps a lubricant so that when you [REDACT] there is less discomfort in the [REDACTED].

My team has been meaning to talk with your team about your adorable insistence that your "marvelous" system will be capable of [REDACTED]; regardless of daylight and understanding, we have findings you may find [REDACTEDABLE].

But until logistics has confirmed that there will be additional donut or donut-related resources available to supply our expeditionary forces during their advance on Conference Room 3B we can't risk the possibility that we'll all be reassigned from [REDACTED] to [REDACTED].

Departmental reassignment being one of the many hazards of being caught with low blood sugar by the many bands of renegade HR associates roaming the campus of [REDACTED].

Contact me for secure rendezvous coordinates and we may be able to supply a sternly worded memo.

5/03/2009 1:05 PM  
Blogger G3T Films gesticulated...

I am not a spy, you can tell me what you're working on... What? No, that's not a camera under my shirt... it's, it's a prosthetic colon I had installed to deal with really spicy Thai food. Mmmm, spicy Thai footage, the best footage in town!

5/11/2009 12:31 AM