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In today’s state, Roboshrub Incorporated is an entity entirely devoted
to the execution of what normal people would refer to as “bad ideas.”

It was the creator’s original idea that all concepts, whether
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for the human race. Therefore, we contend that no idea is an unfit
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Roboshrub Inc.
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Suffer the Fate of a Thousand Bees!
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11.25.2006

To Roosevelt’s House We Go

Over the last few decades, disturbing and conflicting reports have surfaced regarding the United States’ 32nd president. Charges ranging from his indirect connection to the Ayatollah Khomeini’s overthrow of the secular Iranian government in 1979 to the infamous “Martian Escape Pod” debacle of 1896 to the suspicious 2003 death of Fred Rogers (a.k.a Mr. Rogers, a.k.a King Cobra, a.k.a Marvin Smalls). A quick trip to the socialite’s Hyde Park house this weekend dredged up all kinds of weirdness.

She'd rather light a candle than curse the darkness.
Eleanor Roosevelt’s disturbing collection of preserved, laminated hands.

An outsider from the start, young Franklin spent his youth traveling the dangerous and grass-coated landscape of 19th century Europe. He was frequently involved in complicated plots of international subversion and intrigue, having at age 10 unmasked Kaiser Wilhelm II as “just a man in a mask.” His only companions on this a-wandering were Mr. T, a hologram from the future, and a talking dog. Socializing only with the upper crust, FDR’s voice changed to reflect his journeys; by the time he’d entered boarding school in Groton, Massachusetts, he spoke with an accent that sort of reflected every place he’d ever been to. All the other students had basically the same eastern dialect (stressed “a,” almost silent “r”), and FDR had to adapt quickly, before his blue-blooded brethren brought a beating on his blond brow.

A box full of hair.
Proof that Roosevelt was a blond, and had a creepy mother.

Although Roosevelt suffered from that most crippling disease, polio, he managed just fine thanks to a series of ingenious inventions. To help him give the appearance of health to the peasants which tilled his farmland, a 1936 Ford Phaeton was retrofitted with levers and pulleys to create a Rube Goldberg device. While the original purpose of this machine is still unclear, its primary use was military in nature. Using this modified Ford, FDR was able to take the battle right to the Germans, plowing through their front lines like a chainsaw through butter. Bionic legs were used to a lesser extent, and were completely abandoned once the Manhattan Project completed work on the world’s first atomic hovercycle. Unfortunately, Roosevelt never took supernatural phenomena into account when conducting his numerous postwar expeditions into Northern Africa, and his entire family was petrified when he brought back a dormant Medusa egg.

FDR!
“The Roosevelts have never been quieter since the Medusa incident!” says longtime family friend Hershel Gistoff.

Processing 16×100 Robo-Comments:

Blogger Bathroom Hippo gesticulated...


I question the integrity of that last statement!

Then again...the Gistoff family has a reputation for providing wacky statements that are usually proven correct.

11/25/2006 10:07 PM  
Blogger jin gesticulated...

I heard Roosevelt is currently residing in the same Manhattan apartment where Elvis lives!

11/26/2006 1:58 AM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator gesticulated...

As if a little thing like death is going to slow down the guy who led the charge up Obi Juan Hill.

11/26/2006 7:51 AM  
Blogger Professor Xavier gesticulated...

If my mother kept my hair in a box, I'd be petrified too.

11/26/2006 3:32 PM  
Anonymous Talking dog gesticulated...

He used to feed me under the table while talking about social engineering. We rarely agreed but it didn't stop him from scratching me behind the ear. Great man, great, great man.

Oh, and I got along very well with his mother. That's a lock of my tail *wink*

11/26/2006 5:04 PM  
Blogger flatlander gesticulated...

I remember what Bob Dylan said about Medusa eggs...

"EVERYBODY MUST GIT CLONED!"

11/27/2006 11:01 AM  
Blogger A Army Of (Cl)One gesticulated...

Wow, the same thing happened to me, except the parts about the talkingdog, hoverchair, Medusa, Mr. T and having my mom cut my hair. But other than that it is like I was seperated a birth from FDR. (except I was not realy born, but groen in a Kolo tank on Kamino)

11/27/2006 2:31 PM  
Blogger Lee Ann gesticulated...

Are you going to wear your hair long?

11/28/2006 6:14 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

MULTILINE COMMENT ANSWERFICATION!

@Hippo: The Gistoffs have always emptied the pool after using it, so you know you can trust them.

@Jin: Don't believe the hype; I've met the Amazing Bat Boy, and he doesn't sleep upside down. I can never read the Times again.

@Jon: You're thinking of Jefferson Lincoln Reagan Washington Roosevelt.

@Professor Xavier: She also didn't allow him to bathe by himself until he was 8. Ah, the joy of visiting museums!

@Talking Dog: I am now scarred for life.

@Flatlander: Those were his glory years, my friend.

@Tak: A lot of people are awed by Roosevelt. We call them "tourists."

@Lee Ann: If I did, I'd lose ground in my quasi-war with the hippies.

11/28/2006 6:33 PM  
Blogger Professor Xavier gesticulated...

By the way, I'm starting a new game blog, similar to LGS. Here's the address if you'd like to sign up - http://amazingmutantrace3.blogspot.com/

I thought your unique voice was great on LGS and would be very happy to have you on the Amazing Mutant Race.

11/29/2006 9:30 PM  
Blogger Polyman3 gesticulated...

Hey we were there last month, Love the car. Did you hear about the ghost of the maid that roams the halls of that great house?
Heard also he liked to be called
Robovelt.

11/30/2006 9:54 AM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

I only went to the museum. No tours, no shirt, no shoes, no service.

11/30/2006 1:30 PM  
Blogger Bathroom Hippo gesticulated...



h20 my dear gyro,



h2...look over there!!

12/01/2006 12:29 AM  
Blogger R2K gesticulated...

: ) I love that.

12/01/2006 9:46 AM  
Blogger Mahndisa S. Rigmaiden gesticulated...

12 01 06

Hey Gyrobo:
I don't know where you get the inspiration to come up with this stuff, but as ever I am in awe;)
Happy weekend!

12/01/2006 11:31 AM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

We've got to get another post going here...

12/01/2006 11:43 AM