Roboshrub Press
ALBANY, NEW YORK
The sun was completely blocked out over the state capital yesterday, after thousands of trees took to the streets.
Protests began almost immediately after the random chemical spill / government experiment gone horribly awry / alien intervention / magic that brought almost 350 acres of pristine forest to life last Thursday. Among the protesters’ demands are an immediate end to logging and a proper burial for all wooden furniture and paper.
"Our saplings shouldn’t live in perpetual fear of becoming end tables."
— Anonymous Pine Tree
“We’ve long been the target of human propaganda, from books like ‘The Giving Tree’ to Monty Python’s infatuation with lumberjacks,” claims their spokes-pine, a charismatic young Douglas Fir. “We only want autonomy. My people deserve a place to put down roots.”
Counter-demonstrations have already sprung up, with angry humans waving blank signs made of plywood and chanting “I’m a lumberjack and I’m okay!”
The Roboshrub Press is a wholly pwned subsidiary of Roboshrub News Incorporated, itself pwned by Roboshrub Inc. This article is printed on recycled human pulp.
