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Ten thousand years of Roboshrub.

Fangs for the memories.

In today’s state, Roboshrub Incorporated is an entity entirely devoted
to the execution of what normal people would refer to as “bad ideas.”

It was the creator’s original idea that all concepts, whether
useful or not, contribute to the global subconscious level of progress
for the human race. Therefore, we contend that no idea is an unfit
idea, and vow to act on each and every one of them.

Roboshrub Inc.
Public Communications Department

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For your insolence, I condemn you to...

Suffer the Fate of a Thousand Bees!
(Before they go extinct)

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You’re Not Getting This Pen Back

You know the pen I’m talking about.

The one I borrowed from you about a month ago? The blue one with black ink, the fountain pen you got as a graduation present from your grandpa? With your initials embossed on the cap?

The one you’ve been searching furiously for since last Monday?

That pen is mine now. I’ve got it in a coffee cup with about twenty or thirty others. Not just pens, either. Some are pencils (both mechanical and No. 2) that I’ve collected from other people, much like this delightful new pen. Some have never even been sharpened.

Your pen, though... it’s unlike any other piece in my collection. When I write with it, I feel inspired. I feel as though I could write something on par with Shakespeare, or at least sitcom-worthy. Do you ever get that feeling?

I ask that rhetorically, of course. How could you, without this pen?

Don’t bother printing this post tomorrow and waving it in my face; I’ll deny ever writing it, blaming “old unreliable Google” for mucking up my blog feed and inserting someone else’s post. And while you scream until your face turns purple, your pen will be rusting into crusty dust.

By the way... I really like that new stapler you got last week at the supply store down the street. I have a drawer full of staplers just like it.

And they’re lonely.

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CSSIH: “The Many Ghosts of Doctor Graves”

Let’s talk about demographics.

The Comic Scans Sans Inky Hands (CSSIH) project scans comic books from the distant past for present consumption. We’re messengers, couriers, doormen to the gates of culture. If you’ve been reading this series for a while, you know that after the main story, there’s also a section called “Errata” containing all the adverts/non-stories of the comic. For some, this is better than the actual story — it’s fun to look at the kind of products that were pushed on teenagers forty years ago.

You start to notice consistencies after a while: a lot of the comics I’ve got here have the classic “The Insult That Made A Man Out Of Mac” Charles Atlas bodybuilding ads, bulking up and the like. It makes sense, they’re selling to insecure 1970s boys. But Charlton Comics is different. There’s adverts for weight loss, hair loss, acne and prostate exam reminders.

So if you know any acne-scarred, balding teenagers with enlarged prostates, steer them to this comic.

The Many Ghosts of Doctor Graves CoverClick picture for full cover

# Dig The Grave Deep

# Pity Aunt Margaret!

# From The Gallows To The Grave

# Errata



CSSIH: “Ghostly Haunts”

What do you get when you take a mediocre premise, execute it poorly, and print it at odd angles on inferior paper?

Comic Scans Sans Inky Hands (CSSIH) prefers to let you discover the answer to that question firsthand — or rather, no-hands — by scanning printed artifacts from what by the early 1990s was already dubbed the Golden Age of Kitsch. Read these scanned pages and ponder them. What do they tell us of our ancestors? Of ourselves?

Unlike the earlier comics I’ve scanned, this chestnut is from the lovely people at Charlton Comics. Of course, it could easily have been printed by a drunken lemur. Each page required a minimum of three rescans since the panels were most emphatically not parallel to the spine. The pages were not all the same size, and I’m pretty sure the whole thing was printed on paper towels. And a color pallet that just cries out, “for want of a GIF”... but why should I rant when you can just snap your mouse?

Ghostly Haunts CoverClick picture for full cover

The Pact of Satan

Pamela’s Dolls





CSSIH: “Monsters on the Prowl”

It was rumored that forty years ago the design for a billion dollar bill was inadvertently printed into the pages of a comic book, and that to this day it remains legal tender.

Who started this rumor? Irrelevant. Is it true? Maybe. The Comic Scans Sans Inky Hands (CSSIH) project aims to find out for sure by scanning the pages of as many 1970s comic books as we can.

We have a host of stories for you today, ranging from the unlikely to the improbable, to the downright impossible. Be forewarned: this will be an unparalleled display of horror. Those of you with weak hearts may wish to leave the page.

Monsters on the Prowl CoverClick picture for full cover

The Creature from the Black Bog!

The Ghost Rode A Roller Coaster!

Ed’s Young Wife!

The Changeling