After laying fallow for lo these last months, Roboshrub Inc. is proud to force our latest brainchild into the limelight. Still not impressed? We’ve been burning the midnight oil for a hundred thousand days to get this ~beta~ product out to you... the least you could do is be more grateful.
Seriously, is this why we work for free?! So that you can, what, pick apart our works of scripted art like a puppy in a sausage factory? There is a movement in this country — no, this hemisphere — devoted to browbeating me personally. Every night on the television, talking heads and their ilk report naught but intimations of my own ill health; a pox on thee! They’re not even real people, just shadows and pixelated noise.
You’re different. I can tell, I am an excellent judge of character and the human condition, which is how I know what you’re thinking right now. You’re wondering if you can trust me, if you should fork over your time and energy when you don’t even know what this “product” is. Why, how do you know I’m not just peddling timeshares like a common Applejohn?
Four months and seven days ago, I brought forth onto my hard drive an uncompleted series of tubes. These tubes were molded and frozen into files which my full schedule prevented me from attending to.
Did I just just end a sentense with a preposition? How foolish of me. I apologize for... nothing. I just stood in judgement of the English language and found it lacking. When they “standardised” English, they said it would replace XML — but so far, its grammatical syntax is kludgy and I don’t much care for the silent letters.
Getting back to the project, its a whale of a project. I project this project will reject your skepticism and protect my reputation. Screenshot for the soul:
Do test it out. We encourage people with no overt ties to our nonexistent rivals to field-test our beta products while they (meaning you) are still alive. Many if not all of the improvements I whipped up and shoved into this Electric Boogaloo will make their way to Project Velt around late December/early January once I get some time off. Remember, I still haven’t added all the features yet that I wanted to.
Project Vont ~BETA~
Questions? Comments? Camera? Action? Prepositions?