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Credits

Ten thousand years of Roboshrub.

Fangs for the memories.




In today’s state, Roboshrub Incorporated is an entity entirely devoted
to the execution of what normal people would refer to as “bad ideas.”

It was the creator’s original idea that all concepts, whether
useful or not, contribute to the global subconscious level of progress
for the human race. Therefore, we contend that no idea is an unfit
idea, and vow to act on each and every one of them.

Roboshrub Inc.
Public Communications Department






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For your insolence, I condemn you to...

Suffer the Fate of a Thousand Bees!
(Before they go extinct)

Print Logo

8.27.2006

Mach 1100 1000

Ho ho homicide
“Think of Christmas, Think of Snow, Think of Sleigh-Bells, off you go!”

I’m interrupting the regularly scheduled political satirism, inane narrative rambling, philosophical speculation and scholastic tuberculosis that comprises our little blog; I would like you all to take a moment, on our 200th post, to consider the humble beginnings of the life-changing organization you call Roboshrub Incorporated.

Initially called “The Friends of The Earths,” our mountain-moving company of New Englanders was formed in 1879 by Mikhail “the Subsidy” Five-O and Minimus Gyroebus Flavius Mindbender under the decks of the ship Bold Bravery. These two immigrants from Morocco had no idea that what they had intended as an environmentalistic Utopian colony would one day become a global megacorporation worth quatrillions of dollars. If they had, Mindbender would indubitably have sold his gold tooth.

Go Team!
The Power Was Theirs!

In 1891 they accidentally stumbled upon a chemical process which transformed sentient thoughts into pure energy. Unfortunately, as it occurred to young Mikhail, then seven, to patent this process the concoction absorbed the thought and destroyed their laboratory. Thomas Edison stole their work and used the energy to power his “incandescent electric lantern.” Today, the process in question is commonly referred to as “pasteurization.”

When John D. Rockefeller acquired the company in 1938, he changed the name to “Fellowship of the Grin.” He was later sued by JRR Tolkien’s crack team of legal experts and granted control of the “Fellowship” to the reclusive English author. This pushed us forward into the future, where orcs had the same employment rights as caucasians and “afro-americans” (as African-Americans were then referred to).

Greatest Cover Ever
The Fellowship of the Grin, Board of Directors. Camera Shy: J.R.R. Tolkein.

The name was changed again to “Roboshrub Inc,” in anticipation of the release of a foliage-based AI. Its practical uses were multitudinous. Unfortunately, the production culminated in a violent coup of the board of directors, in which I, the Roboshrub of Roboshrub Inc, harvested their mind-matter and became Head Executive of the corporation. Business simply thrived.

No worries, though, as I’ve learned your moral codes and have decided to follow them, provided that you all buy our products. After all, they’re as cheap as free! Except for the free part.

Processing 17×100 Robo-Comments:

Anonymous Rich gesticulated...

Awesome, you can buy God for 10 cents! Who would have thought he'd be so cheap and come with additional features. I wonder how much a first edition God would cost and whether he was a kinder, gentler God?

Congrats on your 1100 1000th post.

8/28/2006 1:44 AM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator gesticulated...

Man, God's going to totally kick Hitler's ass, too.

Congrats on 200, if that really is your number.

8/28/2006 4:21 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

I knew the old comic covers would make the post infinitely better.

And they doubted me! Ha! Now who's eating paste off the roll?!

8/28/2006 6:18 PM  
Blogger Bathroom Hippo gesticulated...


God's going to have to pay for that window he broke. Or did Jesus already pay for it?

8/28/2006 6:49 PM  
Blogger ticharu gesticulated...

Paste! MMMM GOOD!

8/28/2006 7:22 PM  
Blogger Fred gesticulated...

JRR Tolkien is such a bully. Everything would have been just fine if not for that crackpot.

8/28/2006 7:23 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

He brings out the worst in us all.

Like pasteman Joe and his bag o' sand cakes.

8/28/2006 8:32 PM  
Blogger Professor Xavier gesticulated...

Oh, origin stories. My fav.

And just what do you mean by 'inane'?

8/28/2006 8:34 PM  
Blogger L>T gesticulated...

I love the God comix cover. If that's real it's bizarre.

BTW you can follow my moral codes anytime. ;]

8/28/2006 9:58 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

All these comics are real. I got them from a site that collects stupid comic covers and such.

8/28/2006 10:30 PM  
Blogger Lee Ann gesticulated...

Oh so that is how you did it...harvested their mind matter!
Brilliant!

8/28/2006 11:03 PM  
Blogger Local Henchmen 432 gesticulated...

Congrats on 200 post you rule.

8/29/2006 8:34 PM  
Blogger His Majesty gesticulated...

Nay, it is I who rule! With an iron fist of Cadmium and cast-iron, only I, King Evil Robo-Bob Dole, have the willpower and flower-power to forge mighty rivers from the beaches of Saharan dust.

8/29/2006 11:28 PM  
Blogger Captain Canuck gesticulated...

You have held true to the Roboshrub Pledge: to find God in 200 posts or double your money back. Congratualtions in outstripping financial ruin and the merciless poisoned barbs of character assassins once again. Long may the 'shrub remain roboticised!

8/30/2006 8:30 PM  
Blogger His Majesty gesticulated...

Finally, a comment that has nothing to do with the comic thing. As I've always said, comics make the best neighbours.

8/30/2006 9:04 PM  
Blogger R2K gesticulated...

Hehe "HO HO HOMICIDE!"

Great show though.

8/30/2006 10:22 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Iron man, he's iron man... if he can't do it, nobody can...

That should've been the theme song. I know it- I feel it in my windpipe.

8/30/2006 10:30 PM