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Ten thousand years of Roboshrub.

Fangs for the memories.

In today’s state, Roboshrub Incorporated is an entity entirely devoted
to the execution of what normal people would refer to as “bad ideas.”

It was the creator’s original idea that all concepts, whether
useful or not, contribute to the global subconscious level of progress
for the human race. Therefore, we contend that no idea is an unfit
idea, and vow to act on each and every one of them.

Roboshrub Inc.
Public Communications Department

Changes may not fully take effect until you reload the page.

For your insolence, I condemn you to...

Suffer the Fate of a Thousand Bees!
(Before they go extinct)

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Heritage Appreciation Day

"The time has come," begged the reader, "To tell us the tale of thine bloodline. Does not the sun shine upon us now, as it did upon our fathers, and our fathers' fathers? Our fathers to the third power? And so forth?"
This is true.
A deadly power struggle has erupted, between Dolelectro the Quite Evil and Onestar the Incompetant. But once, friends, this company belonged to my family.
This company was a kingdom.

"Father, give me a mouth!"

(If this were a televisory broadcast, and not a blog post, you'd see a big swirly special effect NOW, as the past and present melt together.)

"Ach, now," said the farmer, "I'll strike ye a deal." About him lay a look of defeat; no corn had grown in his field for lo these thirty years. His wife and daughters were rail-thin, and their cottage had no walls.
"We'll take two hundred peices of eight, and ye'll be paying the good lord's tax."
The wizard's face split in two, so unwordly was his grin.
"Old Farmer Poorman, you've got yourself a deal," he said, spitting upon the barren ground, "But I shan't pay you in peices of eight. Nay, we'll use Euros."

"They'll be popularly accepted in a few thousand years!"

The deal was struck, and Old Farmer Poorman and his twelve daughters left the countryside of Yoreland for the seashore. The wizard built his tower upon the lord's town, and grew to love the villagers of Yore. It pained him to see them starve, year after year, and so one day he magically rengineered the cornseed.

The magic corn didn't grow for very long, either, because crop rotation had yet to be invented and the soil was too drained of mana. But one day, a mouse laid paws on some cornseed and devoured it. Verily, no sooner had it finished than a hawk dove upon the vermin and devoured it. The villagers, who hadn't eaten in generations, threw rocks at the hawk and chased it off. Its wing was injured, and it alit upon the mountainside, where a lion pounced upon it. Then the lion suffered from a heart attack, died and decomposed.

"He should have laid of ye olde salt'n'gravy sauce."

The next day, at the very spot where the lion died, a bush sprung up. It lived happily, for many seasons, until the speck of green was spotted against Yore's red and brown pallet. The first man to reach the scene was Herbal Shanks, and he opened up a circus with the bush as the main attraction. "See the amazing green thing!" said his sign. "Only ten euros a head! Twenty for children!"

"Come one, come all, to Shank's fabulous find! It slices, dices, and even cures cancer!"

Mr. Shanks was forced to issue a refund, however, when the magic shrub lifted its roots, entangling a small child. The villagers formed an impromptu angry mob, but the bush tapped into the small child's brain, who calmly explained that the shrub was just reacting to the negative attention bestowed upon it by the crowd, and that the real villan was society.

Boy and bush became the best of friends, and the child's body grew up to become great and strong thanks to carrying his blossom buddy from place to place. The years flew by, and soon, he was a mighty warrior.

"In the name of the spoon, I'll punish you!"

He probably vanquished a dragon, or some such, but when the moment came, the shrubbery claimed all of the credit. The lord of Yore proclaimed him an angel from heaven, and knighted him "Sir Robert Shrubbe I." The men and women of the village rewarded it kindly, and eventually the knight married the lord's daughter, Emiliscaria, who happened to be a pigeon.

And that, dear friends, is the story of Robert Shrub.

Processing 24×100 Robo-Comments:

Blogger angel, jr. gesticulated...

Thru magical art you should have produced the swirly special effect.

Were the animals of yore able to speak as they do in the realm of Disney?

4/30/2006 8:03 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

The art has been addified.

4/30/2006 10:09 PM  
Blogger Roboshrub Incorporated gesticulated...

Addification of art is eddification of my ett.

4/30/2006 10:16 PM  
Blogger The Taker of Gist gesticulated...

What the Gist is an ett?!

There is no such tangent! Vertical!

4/30/2006 11:02 PM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator gesticulated...

Is the writin' supposed to get that small? My eyesight is good, but it isn't that good.

5/01/2006 2:10 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

It was never our intent to make the text so small that human eyes could not perceive it. Only to receive it, not receed from the creed of the sneed.

5/01/2006 2:34 PM  
Blogger L>T gesticulated...

I have some trouble w/the reaaaaly small print. also. (not thatit takes away from my luv for you, roboshrub & gyrobo.

Iam considering changing my avatar (is that what ya call that thing?) would you consider helping? I'll give you full credit.
please reply if you are willing(leave me a sign, robot boy)

5/01/2006 5:02 PM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator gesticulated...

Hmm, and yet the increasingly decreasing text continues on to the earlier posts located below this one. Methinks someone placed a 0 where he or she should have placed a 1.

5/01/2006 7:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous gesticulated...

The sandman wants to know if you hit [Veiw], [text size], [increase] on your toolbar to solve the problem?

5/01/2006 8:01 PM  
Blogger Salbert gesticulated...

I appriciate heritage, especially American immigrants, they're always so peaceful and never protest.

5/01/2006 8:05 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Text size causes problems?! I shall look into this as soon as robotly possible!

5/01/2006 8:25 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...


The under the timages is only 5% smaller than the text in the rest of the story.

As was the intent of Androjin, the Recyler.

5/01/2006 8:33 PM  
Blogger TotalChaos gesticulated...

Thanks for stopping in and being nice. The only one of more than a hundred, that could say anything. I like the fractal under the one piece of art.

5/01/2006 10:26 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

A few of my backgrounds lately have been fractals. Fractals are more than just a form of math; they're a way of life.

5/01/2006 10:37 PM  
Blogger Lee Ann gesticulated...

Poor lion! I need more Knights like that at my Castle!

5/01/2006 10:58 PM  
Blogger Metapirate gesticulated...

That be no knight, milady. That be Quinton the Lionhearted. He'd drag 'is tail 'cross the deck, always swashbucklin'... but then, I always get ahead o' meself.

5/01/2006 11:52 PM  
Blogger L>T gesticulated...

My new avatar (courtesy of gyrobo) & I come to pay homage to your shrubbyness!!
(scrape & bow).

This is as good of a parable as I've heard in days of yore & yawn.

5/02/2006 12:10 AM  
Blogger sabatkes gesticulated...

So I'm assuming the tree contains metal branches?

5/02/2006 12:50 AM  
Blogger Karl the Sorcerer gesticulated...

Jin shell ni'ani buu!

*waves hands*

The trunk is now 40% trunkier.

5/02/2006 11:19 AM  
Blogger L>T gesticulated...

OH YEA!! the Tart loves a trunkier trunk.

LIke, All of a sudden i feel like, more mature, avatar has grown up.

5/02/2006 2:37 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

It has evolved from a delicate bud to an icey wind from up north.


5/02/2006 5:38 PM  
Blogger Roboshrub Incorporated gesticulated...

L>T's avatar has evolved into its "AWKWARD TEEN" phase!

It learned "Angst Punch" and "Peer Pressure"!

5/02/2006 7:53 PM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator gesticulated...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

5/02/2006 9:55 PM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator gesticulated...

Gyrobo, do you have what we Earthmen call Email? Are you interested in Last Gladiator Standing?

Email me if you are.

Thank you, come again.

5/03/2006 6:30 AM