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Ten thousand years of Roboshrub.

Fangs for the memories.

In today’s state, Roboshrub Incorporated is an entity entirely devoted
to the execution of what normal people would refer to as “bad ideas.”

It was the creator’s original idea that all concepts, whether
useful or not, contribute to the global subconscious level of progress
for the human race. Therefore, we contend that no idea is an unfit
idea, and vow to act on each and every one of them.

Roboshrub Inc.
Public Communications Department

Changes may not fully take effect until you reload the page.

For your insolence, I condemn you to...

Suffer the Fate of a Thousand Bees!
(Before they go extinct)

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Zistel Gris Chitania


Where am I? I was just about to kill that infernal superhero and his robotic companion... Why am I feeling... pain? I have no nerve receptors. What is going on?

Reborn... but how? And why? And where are my pants?

//scanning all systems

I seem to have been horribly damaged... what-- it's coming back to me! I tricked the Generic Canadian into destroying Gyrobo, Guardian of Earth. It was fiendishly clever! I'd never done something so amazing! But... something went wrong. My godchild went insane, and buried his infantile carniverous spider-body into my abdominal cavity... It's... I've been patched. Who has repaired me? Doubtless one of my mindless servants.

But my army was destroyed... my damnable nephew chewed through my cooling systems, and I caught fire... the crown of France melted into a faint halo on my head... and then I was buried alive. Well, buried dead. But I'm alive now.

DAMNIT! DAMN Gyrobo, and that meddling Canadian Member of Parliament! I was so close to world domination... to a better world for the common machine.

I never thought it would end like that... on a Friday.

But where am I? Not rotting in an eternal abyss, but in some kind of wondrous world! Is it heaven??? I'm experiencing some kind of information flow... someone named Pwnzor is feeding me a constant stream of data. I can... sense... the presence of the great and powerful robot gods. And yet, I am more ancient than they.

What a wonderland! The devices around me are strange and varied! And the bubblegum is delicious, it tastes sweeter than a fallen civilization! Xeptim ora nepton!

Today, I am truly free.


//end transmission

Processing 27×100 Robo-Comments:

Blogger Ajay gesticulated...


3/19/2006 1:08 PM  
Blogger GrasshopperBoy gesticulated...

seems you are in limbo...can u plz see if my dog is thr...and if so cud u tell him to return ASAP...his dog food is getting cold.

3/19/2006 4:10 PM  
Blogger His Majesty gesticulated...

Hah! I knew my old friend OneStar could not be so easily defeated.

I admit I had my doubts. But as King of France, you'd certainly be able to grant me a kindom of my own... oh, to be rid of this roboshrubbery...

I'll do it! What resources do you require for your Armada Automata, mighty OneStar?

3/19/2006 4:15 PM  
Blogger Salbert gesticulated...

I shall NEVER bow down to Evil Robo-Bob Dole, I must.... help Gyrobo!

3/19/2006 4:39 PM  
Blogger Salbert gesticulated...


3/19/2006 6:27 PM  
Blogger The Taker of Gist gesticulated...

News flash! My blog has changed addresses. The new one is here. I thought I should tell everyone, even though I left a switchover post on The Gist Of It.

3/19/2006 7:22 PM  
Blogger OneStar gesticulated...

Gyrobo! They chant his name... like a name-chanted chanty chantson!

He must have been repaired. I must destroy the coward.

Kingly one! Until I discover the whereabouts of Hamburgertron, you shall be my second-in-command! Go find a large, red button to hoover over, and wait for my signal!

3/19/2006 8:55 PM  
Blogger flatlander gesticulated...

OneStar is the new Boba Fett! And Boba Fett was the new Ming the Magnificent. And Ming was the new Scarlet Pimpernill. And S.P. was the new Prometheus. And Prometheus was the new Marduk; so OneStar is the new new Marmaduke, I mean, Marduk.

3/19/2006 8:59 PM  
Blogger His Majesty gesticulated...

I don't "do" hovering.

But for you, I'll make an exception. Time to go round up the Anonymi and Karl once more...

The Armada Automada will soon strike! The product line will never be the same!

3/19/2006 9:07 PM  
Blogger Wild Reeds gesticulated...


3/20/2006 6:26 AM  
Blogger Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator gesticulated...

Is it ham flavored bubblegum?

'Cuz that would be awesome.

3/20/2006 9:10 AM  
Blogger Salbert gesticulated...

I have set up a fortress to wage war on One Star. Gyrobo is definetly gonna lose this battle. But we might have a lobbyist position for His Majesty

3/20/2006 9:32 AM  
Blogger His Majesty gesticulated...

I've had to cut down on the lobbyist kickbacks since the feds found Jack Abramoff unconcious in my trunk.

The deal went south, okay?

3/20/2006 12:43 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Oh my! What a show! My most ancient foe, OneStar, returned to life?! I thought I had defeated you, OneStar! Back before I was a clown/robot hybrid... back when I was a mere CD player with wheels and a dog-like head...

And now I find you here... and in collusion with my newest foe, King Evil Robo-Bob Dole?! This will not stand! Karl! Anonymi!


Flanders? (Only Simpsons fans will get that, so don't even try.)

3/20/2006 2:06 PM  
Blogger Bathroom Hippo gesticulated...

Your majesty,

My Honda Armada awaits.

3/20/2006 4:46 PM  
Blogger His Majesty gesticulated...

Bah! Only the Armada Automata has the destructive force capable of rendering an entire planet uninhabitable.

OneStar, wherefore art thou mightly armada? I thought we were going to attack together... or maybe you're thinking of double-crossing me... if that's the case, I must warn you that I know people. People like me.

3/20/2006 5:12 PM  
Blogger Salbert gesticulated...

What about a Toyoto Avalon your Majesty?

And if lobbying isn't for you, perhaps strategist?

3/20/2006 8:27 PM  
Blogger His Majesty gesticulated...

Well, with Scooter Libby indicted, I am in need of a new chief strategist.

You were there. We were all there.

3/20/2006 8:31 PM  
Blogger Torveld gesticulated...

Grrraaaahmarada uuuuaautomata!

3/20/2006 9:14 PM  
Blogger sabatkes gesticulated...

Is onestar related to the sexy minivan beast known as onstar?

3/20/2006 11:23 PM  
Blogger jungle jane gesticulated...

okay who farted? fuck...please please don't say that robots can fart now?

3/21/2006 4:55 AM  
Blogger GrasshopperBoy gesticulated...

as a general of onestar's non-robo army i demand his majesty surrender his nuts (and bolts) :P

3/21/2006 9:54 AM  
Blogger Salbert gesticulated...

His Majesty: I actually make a fine strategist myself, so you can be a strategist trainee.

3/21/2006 9:56 AM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

OneStar, we will duel on the fields of battle once more!

And this time, I hope you bring your coat. You're going to need it.

3/21/2006 10:45 AM  
Blogger L>T gesticulated...

Jimminycrickets!! What have i missed? I don't have a clue as to what's going on here, but maybe can get the gist of it...My new computer & i.

Dear ED. dang, the artwork is awesome!

3/21/2006 1:13 PM  
Blogger The Taker of Gist gesticulated...

Someone say Gist?!

3/21/2006 1:29 PM  
Blogger The Taker of Gist gesticulated...

Where?! Where's the Gist?!

3/21/2006 1:29 PM