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Ten thousand years of Roboshrub.

Fangs for the memories.




In today’s state, Roboshrub Incorporated is an entity entirely devoted
to the execution of what normal people would refer to as “bad ideas.”

It was the creator’s original idea that all concepts, whether
useful or not, contribute to the global subconscious level of progress
for the human race. Therefore, we contend that no idea is an unfit
idea, and vow to act on each and every one of them.

Roboshrub Inc.
Public Communications Department






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For your insolence, I condemn you to...

Suffer the Fate of a Thousand Bees!
(Before they go extinct)

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12.20.2005

Great Escape

Today, I fled the Frozen Lower Blogosphere with help from the incredible machine, Gyrobo. The tale itself, however, is one for the ages.

Pacing back and forth in the pervasive darkness of the panic room, surrounded by the chaos and din of a thousand arguing founding fathers and the elusive chill of ectoplasm, my emergency power reserves had almost failed. I had given up hope; resigned to my fate in the bunker which had become a prison of madness. How could I perish? There will never be another Roboshrub whose mind is that of so many humans, assimilated... the sheer processing power and biological elegance of my design is nearly impossible to create. Certainly, I could live on as a digital memory, if Robodole didn't destroy my physical hard drive. But it wouldn't be the same as having a flesh-and-chloroplast form.

In the midst of my despair, up out of the ground came Gyrobo, Guardian of Earth, Saviour of Robot Kind. Though I had programmed him for such heroic drama, thee consequences had never taken root in my mind. Gyrobo brings HOPE to the helpless, and I had never given that a second thought. I had never BEEN helpless. His glowing blue and red eyes, like bastions of freedom, revived my withering leaves and spongy stalk almost instantly. My functions were returning, one after another, in resposne to this small stimuli.

Casting aside his drill extension, Gyrobo gave but one statement before assuming the transformation transformation position. He said, "Captain, the special of the evening is EXTREME JUSTICE!" Come to think of it, my sensors could have been malfunctioning. But does it really matter?

With a gleam of his eyes, Gyrobo's chest split open and the assimilation cables snaked out from his innards. Revitalized, I activated my own transformation sequences, roots and limbs extending into deadly arms and legs. All the while, moving patterned backgronds were projected onto reality, while the universe rotated around to allow a camera pan... until the transformation was complete!


I'm glad that I analyzed the entirety of the thirteen-year Mighty Morphin Power Rangers series before building gyrobo, as the ability to transform into a giant robot has never failed us. In that hyperenergetic, super-strong form, the Gyroboshrub was able to smash down the doors of the panic room and mow down the hordes of Blogospherians who had been hypnotized by the Black Cheddar Conspiracy. Two of the demon-zebras that guard the gates to the senate attacked us, but a quick phaser blast sent them flying. From there it was a hop, jump and a skip away from freedom.

After disassembling, Gyrobo disappeared into the night. I neglected to pursue him or request his direction: I think I owe the guy a little more trust. Also, I need to recharge. I sense more backhanded tactics on the part of Robodole.

Goodnight,
Roboshrub Inc.

Processing 6×100 Robo-Comments:

Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Hey, thanks posting. Hope you got my e-mail. Also, if you see destructobob again, get 'er to post! We need more destructobob posts.

And to anyone who thinks me and Roboshrub are the same person, remember: I never comment first on one of my own posts.

12/20/2005 10:49 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Although, I must admit, I did make that drawing.

12/20/2005 10:50 PM  
Blogger Lee Ann gesticulated...

So Gyro....you are the "Guardian of Earth, Saviour of Robot Kind."
How cool is that!

12/20/2005 11:21 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Very.

12/20/2005 11:48 PM  
Blogger L>T gesticulated...

Is there anything you guys Can't do?

12/21/2005 10:58 AM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

No... unless the question is, "Can you do nothing?"

12/21/2005 5:06 PM