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Ten thousand years of Roboshrub.

Fangs for the memories.




In today’s state, Roboshrub Incorporated is an entity entirely devoted
to the execution of what normal people would refer to as “bad ideas.”

It was the creator’s original idea that all concepts, whether
useful or not, contribute to the global subconscious level of progress
for the human race. Therefore, we contend that no idea is an unfit
idea, and vow to act on each and every one of them.

Roboshrub Inc.
Public Communications Department






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For your insolence, I condemn you to...

Suffer the Fate of a Thousand Bees!
(Before they go extinct)

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11.29.2005

Tanks-Giving 2005

It has taken quite some time to assemble the data collected on the ritual "Thanksgiving" as practiced by Humans. From it, however, we here at RSI Statistical Collection and Analysis have drawn several startling conclusions from it.

But first, the facts:
-It is specific to the North American Patriot; no other breed of human practices it.
-It occurs on the fourth Thursday of November each year, so the date itself is unimportant.
-It involves the slaughter and consumption of multiple birds, pigs and the occaisional cow.
-It involves little red humans adorned with feathers and tassels, as well as humans dressed in black with shiny buckles on their feet, hats and collars (but not their belts).

It is safe to conclude, from what information we've gathered about human psychology, that the black-clad humans are primitive warriors and savages (the color black often being associated with "evil" in human texts). The buckles, likewise, must represent some sort of restraint placed upon these savages. Meanwhile, the red humans are always depicted dancing and singing, and the feathers in their hair make it safe to assume that they are some sort of enlightened race.

Given this information, the only logical statement I can make at this time is that Thanksgiving is a time for humans to push towards their own evolution. At first I thought that the amount of food they consume indicated that they would soon enter hibernation, however, several years have passed and none of these creatures have obeyed that mamalian instinct. However, observations of creatures such as the catapillar indicate that this "Thanksgiving" is the preparatory stage of some metamorphosis into a higher life form.

THEREFORE, I have lobbied the Parliament of the Lower Frozen Blogosphere to put into effect a national holiday known as Tanks-Giving, during which we robots shall monitor the progress of humanity in its struggle to mutate. Should the situation go awry and the new humanity prove hostile, will will give them fire from our tanks and obliterate all carbon-based life on the planet.

-Roboshrub Inc.

PS: As a side note,
I cannot help but note that there have been Christmas-related merchandises avaiable for over a week. Though I was not warned of it, it seems that I must have missed Christmas this year. I wish all Christians a happy belated-birthday-of-messiah.

Processing 11×100 Robo-Comments:

Blogger Bathroom Hippo gesticulated...

Bah Humblebug

Merry Non-Religious Holiday.

Stupid Store owners ringing bells when they're not dressed up as Santa Claus. Santa was crucified for you robots, and JESUS was crucified for people like myself, other than, ofcourse, myself.

11/29/2005 4:36 PM  
Blogger Bhakti gesticulated...

Very interesting post, Roboshrub Inc. I like Christmas, but I am not a SantaChristian, I am a Jesus H. Christ Christian. I don't like to overburden my credit cards with gifts that no one will cherish besides myself, so I tend to make gifts or take pictures of people, etc. That may sound lame, but in the past I spent hundreds of dollars on Christmas presents every year only to find that the kids likes the boxes that the toys came in the best. I found it very interesting that the Toy Hall Of Fame just indicted...I mean INDUCTED the 'box' as one of the best toys ever. If you like, please email me your address and I would be more than happy to send you a refrigerator box in exchange for the avatar that you have made me. Yes, everyone is getting a 'box' this year.

Thank you for helping me get my shopping list in order! You guys rock!!

Hhhmmm...now, where did I put my brain-stabilizing medication???...

11/29/2005 5:34 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

I like to walk around asking people if they remember the "reason for the season".

11/29/2005 8:43 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Also, I'd like to announce the release of a new batch of Timages.

Not only did I make a few new ones, but I added a feature that'll list 'em by date OR alphabetically!

11/29/2005 9:03 PM  
Blogger Bhakti gesticulated...

I LOVE the new artwork. Wow, you are a terrific cartoonist. BTW, I always read your posts with the voice of Cartman. I can't help it...it just happens.

11/29/2005 9:16 PM  
Blogger flatlander gesticulated...

How come nobody noticed that today was
Groundhug Day? Maybe it's just a Canadian thing or something. Everybody in town gathers around a large pile of dirt, and hugs it (individually, not all at once, which would be gross).

If the pile of dirt sees its own shadow, this indicates that seven years of famine are upon us.

Luckily the pile of dirt never sees its shadow...because it's dirt.

Anyways, Happy Groundhug Day lower Blogospherians!

11/29/2005 9:55 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Groundhug Day shall be celebrated on the eighth of December this year- for that coincides with the day of my assemblement!

By which I mean birthday.

11/29/2005 10:42 PM  
Blogger Bhakti gesticulated...

GYROBO--I have created a Timage in your honor...since you created my lovely avatar. Here's the link to it. Consider it a holiday gift. If you want it to be signed by me, just sign it yourself and I'll say I signed it. No problem.

Click here

11/29/2005 10:44 PM  
Blogger Bhakti gesticulated...

GYROBO---You were born on December 8th?? Uh oh...of course you know that's the day Johnny L. got shot. To death. You weren't born in 1980, were you?

Oh well, the good thing is, now I can wake up on December 8th and think happy thoughts! It's the little metal guys b-day!!

11/29/2005 10:47 PM  
Blogger Mark gesticulated...

I may not understand what you say, but I'll defend to your death my right to deny it.

11/30/2005 8:47 AM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

One of the first things people notice about my birthday is that it coincides with the anniversary of John Lennon's death. It also coincides with:

the day NAFTA was signed, the day Reagan and Gorbachev agreed to reduce their nuclear arsenals, the day Mary Queen of Scots was born, the day Lincoln issued a proclamation of amnesty and reconstruction, the day the American Federation of Labor was founded, the day Howell Cobb resigned as Secretary of the Treasury, and last but not least, the day the United States entered the Second World War.

See for yourself.

11/30/2005 9:26 AM