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11.04.2005

Jesus was a Vampire

Now, the psuedo-theological-intellectuals and right-wing giants will dispute my thesis in any way they can. However, I believe I have sufficient grounds to declare Jesus a vampire. Here is my reasoning:

1. The whole ressurection thing.
2. The whole disciples-drinking-his-blood thing.
3. Vampires fear crosses. Why is this? Look what happened to Jesus!
4. Everyone knows that vampires are allergic to silver, and Jesus lead an immaterialistic life. Coincidence? I think not.
5. He walked on water. Vampires cannot be submerged in water (or made to cross running water) unless inside their coffins. It is physically impossible.
6. He could fly.
7. Leonardo DaVinci's Last Supper contains hundreds of thousands of bats.
8. It's in the bible, in the letters to the apostles.

Processing 21×100 Robo-Comments:

Anonymous The Teeming Millions gesticulated...

Whoa ... the Roboshrub Code.

ŗ۝θσšĦũθ Ćőđę

11/04/2005 6:48 PM  
Anonymous Rush limbaugh gesticulated...

How come you deleted my post?

11/05/2005 1:14 AM  
Blogger Roboshrub Incorporated gesticulated...

I did no such thing. Now isn't the time to point fingers, but it must have been Gyrobo.

11/05/2005 9:00 AM  
Anonymous robotic mofonic gesticulated...

Is it pronounced "GuyRobo"

or "Ji Robo"

?

11/05/2005 3:01 PM  
Blogger El Barbudo gesticulated...

OK, I'm convinced.

11/05/2005 7:08 PM  
Blogger FLAMINGO1 gesticulated...

I forgot...when did Jesus fly? Are you sure he flew and didn't just jump really high? Without the whole flying thing, you may have to go back to the drawing board with your theory - but solid effort!!

11/06/2005 1:28 AM  
Blogger L>T gesticulated...

You inspired me to create a comic. Just address me as Dear Ed.(Get it, from the yellow pages in the comic books)

11/06/2005 12:35 PM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

It's pronounced "Ji Robo" as in "Gyroscope and robot". As for deleted posts, every time someone makes a comment, I receive it in an e-mail. Since I didn't receive an e-mail, and there is no comment, you therefore did not post a comment. You probably forgot about the word filter, hit enter, and thought it went through.

--==/ Feel better? \==--

11/06/2005 10:22 PM  
Blogger flatlander gesticulated...

If Jesus was a vampire, what is the status of the twelve disciples? Perhaps the entire Christian priesthood is hiding a dark, nefarious secret of vampiric virus transmission down through the ages! As a Christian, this possiblitiy makes me somewhat more intrigued by the faith.

11/07/2005 11:23 AM  
Blogger L>T gesticulated...

I just found your Bob Dole cartoon grafhic site & lost it. You are hard to follow around What i wanted to say was, loved it. Great minds think alike, sorta. Well, it makes my little hillbilly cartoon look like a hillbilly cartoon. Ah well, back to killing off the bad guys.

11/08/2005 11:12 AM  
Blogger Gyrobo gesticulated...

Bob Dole graphic site? If you're refering to this, it's not ours. The only graphics we make here are Timages.

11/08/2005 11:42 AM  
Blogger L>T gesticulated...

My mistake. Must also apoligize for the comment on your blog titles site. Pretending to be your mother. i might think it's funny, but it's snot. musta been the wine? pills? pot?

11/09/2005 10:14 AM  
Blogger Bathroom Hippo gesticulated...

We want Destructo-Bob!

11/10/2005 3:29 AM  
Blogger L>T gesticulated...

God, he's a scary villian! Robot-dude will have to kick his ass before he hurts someone.
Weapons?

11/10/2005 9:42 AM  
Blogger L>T gesticulated...

Robot-dude has been informed by 'The All Seeing All Knowing' that arrogance is not a virtue. "Kicking someone's ass." is the wrong venacular. How about a good fair fight? Like our revered Politicians do it?
I will be the good guy w/God in his side, you know the one w/all the money.
You can be the dirty sneak'n fanatic, etc.

11/10/2005 10:33 AM  
Blogger Frida gesticulated...

Jesus was a vampire.
He started cross fear. He thought they were silly to want to nail him to anything but he forgot about DAYLIGHT!! That was his down fall!!

11/10/2005 5:55 PM  
Blogger Frida gesticulated...

L>T Yes, we must fear him now... Since Evil Bob Dole is dead.

11/10/2005 6:00 PM  
Blogger Frida gesticulated...

Flying is only throwing yourself at the ground and missing. If anyone one could do it Jesus could.

11/10/2005 6:02 PM  
Blogger Anonymouse gesticulated...

Jesus was NOT a vampire.
He was a lovely young middle-Eastern man who loved to meditate and could produce millions of little fishies to feed the poor.
I don't think a vampire would have done that. At least not the gay Tom Cruise one's in the movies.

Actually, I love Jesus as my own self...so if your theory proves true, that means I'm a vampire too.
I do have a widow's peak, but I thought that was from watching too many episodes of the Munsters when I was a kid.

11/13/2005 12:38 AM  
Blogger Tori gesticulated...

hilarous post!

11/15/2005 12:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous gesticulated...

jesus ascended into the clouds and promisted to return the same way. jesus walked through walls that had no nails no metals only natural materials. jesus hid himself by sening a delusion on to people. jesus was in a boat then suddenly appeared on shore. i got alot more...yes he can fly and dying on the cross gave him power in the day and the night!!!

3/28/2010 12:50 AM